The Maiden and The Wolf
by Magdalenara
Summary: It all begins with a kiss, a kiss that is about to change everything between Jacob and Renesmee. Will friendship become something more? And how will Renesmee's situation of being half Vampire affect their already disturbed relationship? (Read the sequel, and follow Renesmee and Cillian, the Vampire, in "The Maiden and The Immortal"!)
1. Chapter 1

So, I bid you welcome! Before I start I should confess that I am NOT a real fan of the Twilight series - stop, before you scream at me, just listen, folks! - I have, however read the books and watched the films. It is a bit cheesy sometimes, or even most of the times, but the pair of Jacob and Renesmee just fascinated me and inspired me with what could have happened to them...if Mz Meyer had ever given them time to let it happen. *Sigh*

Anyway, this is my turn at the possible future for them. Just read some notes that are definitely important to note before you start reading.

**First of all, Background info is important**: Renesmee is living with the pack and Jacob in La Push (of course, she is staying with Charlie from time to time), the Cullen Clan has moved on (c'mon, after what happened to Bella, and anyway they all barely look the age anymore they pretend themselves to be) and lives with the Denali Clan in Alaska. Sure, they visit Renesmee from time to time and she visits them, they telephone, too, but apart from that they are probably not supposed to come up in this story. Sorry to burst that bubble!

**Secondly**: I am known to put my characters through a lot of shit, so be prepared for that. I write very dark sometimes, and plan on shocking you with twists in this story. My sense of humor is as dry as martini and my rating is due to violence, sexuality and emotional distress - hm, on consideration, there might be moments, when all of this applies to one and the same moment...curiouser and curiouser...

**Thirdly**: Due to my stressy University days I am not one for regular posting. I am trying my best - of course, reviews and comments are always a huge support in that field, if you ask me...well, well...

**So, I rather stop babbling now, you've not coming here for listening to my endless tales of advises. Enjoy and as always I love to hear what you think!**

* * *

><p><strong><span>The Maiden and The Wolf<span>**

**1. Truth to be told**

Jacob Black stared out of the window, taking a deep breath, scanning the panorama of the forest that opened up behind his father's house; the road that led back to Forks was just a vague spot in the distance but he was nonetheless able to see it. However, his eyes did not catch what they had hoped to see. Letting out a frustrated growl he resumed his previous pacing up and down of his living room, his eyes staring down to his feet while the thoughts in his mind raced back to the events of last night. As much as he tried not to think about it he could not help it. Images came back into his mind, images, of which he knew he mustn't think of. He felt his cheeks redden in response to his heavy blushing, he felt his breathing speed up, and instantly he stopped in his tracks. His eyes fell shut as he allowed the memory to be revived in his thoughts.

_He could still taste her on his lips._

In his mind, he wandered back to what had happened last night between him and her. _Renesmee_.

He barely remembered any more why he had got up in the first place, he could not recall any longer if he'd had a bad dream, or what else had been the reason for him leaving his bed in the dead of the night – everything before _her_ was only blurred and unimportant. He had left his room, entering the living room and there he had found her, lying asleep on the couch, which she had strangely enough always preferred to a real bed. He had approached her, he could not stay away, it felt like trying to fight against a magnetic pull. _He couldn't fight it. _

She had looked so peaceful in her sleep, and it had reminded him at the many other nights he had watched her sleep, since those nights many years had passed and she was no child any longer. But her innocence had not wavered since then, she was still as pure as an angel, still untouched by the world, still so unaware of the many secrets he had to keep from her. He remembered that she had stirred up then, waking up from her sleep, her senses just as sharp as his wolf instincts – and she had looked at him with those large, chocolate brown eyes, curiosity written all over her face.

_She had not been afraid of him._ Unlike most other people had done it in that situation, she did not back away from him, she had only stared at him with soft, questioning eyes, reminding him that she was still younger than she really looked. Her trust was killing him, he did not deserve it. It was in that moment that he had felt his control finally slip away. He had looked down at her, the blanket barely covering her lovely, angelic body – she only wore one of his old, long, worn-out T-shirts, that wasn't able to hide her strong, sensitive legs – and he had felt that he lost it.

He had sat down at the couch – she hadn't moved at all, no one could remain as still as she could – and had reached out one of his large hands to touch her face, her skin felt soft and warm, _hot_ even, under his touch and the fragility of her whole being had awoken the fear in him he could break her if he wasn't careful enough. But she did not break. She did not back away. Not even when he leant forward, not even when his lips moved to steal the very first kiss from her young, rosy lips.

_She hadn't twitched back._ No, it had been him who had backed off, he who had destroyed it all.

He could still see her eyes widening in realisation, the shock written all over her face, the shame painting a colour of red to her cheeks, and he could still see it in her eyes: the confusion, the fear, and the panic. She hadn't been able to understand what had just happened between them, she hadn't been able to understand how she could have been kissed by her best friend, who was almost as much like her brother. _She hadn't been able to understand._

Jacob was suddenly torn out of his thoughts when he heard the usual creaking of the front door, signalising him that she had finally come home from school. He swallowed hard, trying to calm his breathing as he waited for her. He knew it was now no longer possible to postpone this talk – he knew he should have said and explained all those things years ago, but he had always backed out, postponing this dreadful day. But now, now it was too late.

* * *

><p>She breathed hard while she turned off her car (a black Volvo, not her choice really, but her father had insisted on getting her a decent car, as he had so eloquently put it), but she did not pluck up the courage yet to get out of it. She stared through her windscreen, looking at the old rusty, red house at the edge of the woods. However, she did not really see it, she stared at a spot in front of her without really seeing anything. Her breathing was flat and hard, hardly supplying her with the most needed air, and she would have felt dizzy if her thoughts hadn't raced so wildly through her mind.<p>

_Come on, Chicken, you can do this._

Renesmee Carlie Cullen (yes, that was a real name and no she was not joking, and no her Mum hadn't been on morphine when she gave birth to her and went for this name, and yes, she was really, _really_ serious about this being her real name...) closed her eyes while her fingers gripped the driving wheel tighter than it was actually good for the car. Her father wouldn't by her a new one if she broke this one (of course he would, he was probably already hoping for it; Vampires, they had everything, except a decent sense of economy).

She shook her head, trying to get rid of that little voice inside her head – what could be more embarrassing than talking to yourself, right you are, nothing at all! She growled angrily under her breath, starting a last attempt to shut up her inside voice and to get her mind focused on what lay ahead of her. All of the sudden, silence overpowered her and she swallowed hard while she remembered the reason she had been so tensed (so tensed, she started talking to herself inside her head, again) in the first place. On second thought, she wished the voice inside her head was back on.

_Stop shitting your pants, Chicken, it's only Jake inside there. _

However somehow that thought did not really calm her down as it would have done usually – no, this was no normal situation at all, and the prospect of her best friend waiting for her to have a very "serious talk" (in her mind she was continuously making quotation marks) was absolutely terrifying for her. Of course, it was not really the talk that scared the shit out of her, but rather what had initiated that talk at all.

_Last night had changed everything between them. _

_Everything. _

_Last night she had been kissed by her best friend. _

_Jacob Black. _

Renesmee closed her eyes again when the memories of that moment rushed through her mind. The imagery was so clear, the memory so fresh, and all her senses still remembered every detail of it.

_She could still taste him on her lips._

Her fingernails bore themselves into the driving wheel, the fabric aching under her force, but it was nothing compared to the force of the memory hitting her now. She could see it all displayed in her mind. He had approached her, slowly, as if he was afraid she would back away from him. She would never do that. He had touched her face, just the merest hint of a caress. He had leaned into her, she had felt his breath hitting her face, she had heard his heart beat so fast in his chest, the blood rushing so deliciously quick in his veins...

He had kissed her then. Softly, just as a butterfly's touch, so innocent a kiss, so full of an unspoken emotion and yet so loudly telling of his feelings, unmistakably to hear them. She had not backed away as she advised herself now she should have done, but no, she hadn't twitched back from him, hadn't shoved him away from her. She had found herself responding to him, had found herself to open up to his lips and to the feelings he had poured into this soft kiss.

However, the sweet moment had ended abruptly and he had torn them out of that small heaven – he had backed away from her and when she had looked into his face, seeing the shock written all over his face she had finally realised what they had just done.

They had destroyed it all. They had destroyed all the easiness between them, had taken away all the innocence of every touch they had ever shared, changing everything that had once been so familiar between into something they did not know yet. They had lost themselves, and they had not been able yet to find themselves again. They were treading unknown paths, now, destination unknown.

Renesmee opened her eyes again and looked over to the old, rusty house as she swallowed hard.

Since she could remember, Jacob had always been there, he had been her friend, her brother; he had protected her, supported her when no one else did, he had always done anything for her. He was the personification of her big brother, and since she was an only child, that was to mean a lot. He had always been _the_ everything for her, and she had adored him like only little sisters could do.

Now, however, the innocence of their relationship was gone, there were no longer brother and sister, there were no longer able to look at each other, embrace or even talk without thinking about the only kiss they had ever shared. It had changed everything. It had left them in a situation that none could properly define. Confusion and fear overpowered her again.

There was no going back from here.

He knew he was no longer a brother to her, but what was he now?

Renesmee took a deep breath before she finally slipped out of the car, bracing herself as she walked over to the house, in order to find an answer to that question – and to that warm feeling that burnt in her chest.

* * *

><p>Renesmee walked slowly into the living room, of course, she had expected him to be there, expected him to already wait for her. She did not look up while she let her dark leather satchel fall down to the floor, the sound being the only disturbance to this otherwise deafening silence between them. An all too awkward silence – and it felt strange, usually they never remained silent for long in each others company. They always talked, or laughed, or goofed around – however, now they did none of it.<p>

Jacob looked up, hoping to receive something like reassurance from her eyes, but in that moment she looked anywhere but his direction. He swallowed hard, overwhelmed by his own emotions. Mostly, because he felt the sudden distance between them, as if their natural bond had been cut into half and a new bond hadn't been tied yet. However, another part of him felt overwhelmed because of clearly other emotions, because even now he could not but recognise her uniqueness, her breathtaking natural beauty.

Her long brown hair, that shone in a bronze town whenever the light of the sun hit it, flooded down in soft curls, she never really cared to do something special with it (_she didn't need to it anyway_, he added in his thoughts). Her skin was pale, but not in a scary pale sort of way, it simply gave her an appearance of fragility, a tender delicacy, as if she could break apart at any moment, as if the wind's blow alone could hurt her – it awoke the need in him to protect her.

"You wanted to talk, Jake – so, _talk_." she said all the sudden, however, her voice had been so quiet, he thought at first he'd just imagined hearing her say it – that was so _not_ her, talking so quietly, almost more a shy whisper, usually her melodic, but pleasantly dark voice never shied away from talking the hell out of him. Jacob swallowed hard, _again_, trying to look away – he knew she hated it when people stared at her like that (and considering her rather divine beauty that happened quite a lot) – but he couldn't force his eyes away. Trying not to look at her was almost as painful as not being around her. He could not bear it, he fed on her existence, needed it as much as air to breathe – he needed her to survive.

Renesmee looked to the side, dark red shades spreading over her cheeks and he could feel that she was clearly uncomfortable, her body language appeared stiff and awkward; she did not want this talk, just as much as he did not want this talk, but he knew – _and he hoped, so did she_ – that they needed to talk: things needed to be said. Now, before it was too late – if it wasn't already too late.

"First of all, Renesmee, I want to apologise." he started hesitantly and he could see that she immediately startled, it almost felt wrong hearing him say her full name – she knew, he did not like the name, making this situation even more uncomfortable, if that was even possible. Jacob ignored her reaction as if he hadn't seen it and tried to find the right words to continue.

"What happened last night...It wasn't my intention to frighten you..."

"You didn't." she threw in, almost inaudible and his head jerked up, only to meet her look for the very first time – her chocolate brown eyes stared at him with a depth far beyond her years, giving away a hint of her being more than just human, it was almost irritating, her glance caring so much expressive emotions, nearly too much to count them. He was, however, only able to hold her look for a glimpse of a second before she averted her eyes again, keeping her head down, shielding her thoughts from him.

Jacob, though, did not look away, he continued looking at her, not even pretending to calm his wildly racing heartbeat – _her words had given him light in a stark dark night_ – and he was dead sure she could hear it, too, his heart beating desperately in his chest, beating _for_ her. And he could hear her heart racing, too, wildly, desperately, like the wings of a bird, even faster than usual – he could listen to that sound for all eternity if she'd just let him.

"There are things you need to know, things I should've explained to you long ago. I am sorry for that, it would've have made things a lot easier, but I always thought it would be better like this. I did not want to pressure you, you should not grow up with a feeling of...of _expectations_." he said slowly, and stopped for a few moments, taking a deep breath, trying to find the right words to go on.

His eyes settled on her again and he was surprised to find her looking at him, and while he met the glance of her brown eyes he somehow felt much calmer now.

"You remember the stories, the legends, I've told you when you were young."

"Yes, you've told me about the wolves. The stories were supposed to put me to sleep." she answered, still without a clue of what he was going at, and Jacob smiled more to himself about her answer – _as if she'd ever slept after he'd told her one of his stories, she had always had an insatiable hunger for knowledge_ – before he turned serious again. They were getting closer now, consistently drawing closer to the truth he had hidden from her far too long.

"Do you remember what I said about a Wolf _finding_ his mate?"

Her eyebrows, which had been knitted in concentration the whole time, trying to figure out what he was playing at, went apart at that question – slowly, but steadily it was dawning upon her. He could see it in her face. She looked up to him, holding his gaze as she answered him, "It is a nature's call."

Jacob felt his heart starting to beat at double speed at her answer, he was clearly aware that she could hear it as he saw how she vaguely switched her standing position, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Did she really feel uncomfortable or was it only her usual reaction to the blood that ran now even faster through his veins?

"This nature's call, it's what we call _imprinting_. When a Wolf _imprints_ on someone, it is a binding thing, and this bond can not be undone, not even by death.", Jacob swallowed hard as he said those words, feeling the weight of every syllable, and feeling the truth of it. Renesmee stared at him, she, too, swallowed hard as she looked away and when she spoke again, her voice sounded strangely thin, scared even.

"You mean the Wolf _falls_ in love?"

"It goes even deeper than love."

Jacob saw how she subconsciously backed away from him, her instincts always trying to protect her, distancing her from uncomfortable things and situations, obviously this moment between them was not different. She remained quiet for some time, nearly driving him mad with her silence, it was so not like her to hide her thoughts from him, it hurt him.

"Why are you telling me this?" , she looked up, meeting his intense glance.

She already knew what was coming, she could feel it in the heavy silence that stood between them, but she wanted – _needed_ – him to say it out loud. Jacob looked at her, a part of him felt sorry for her, it must be terrible for her to get to know it like that, all too suddenly. But he needed her to understand things, he needed her to understand what had happened between them, what was happening between them. He took a deep breath and steeled himself for whatever reaction might come.

"I've _imprinted_ on you, Renesmee.".

* * *

><p><em>I've <em>imprinted_ on you, Renesmee._

The words stood between them, not like mere words thrown in, but like a solid wall, distancing them from each other, more and more with every second that passed by. Renesmee did not look at him any more, her eyes rushed from one side to another, almost too quick for him to follow; her breathing went hard and flat, barely able to provide the much needed air. If he hadn't known better he would have said she was about to faint. Time passed by, seconds become minutes, and her silence continued, tormenting him with uncertainty and terrifying fears of what she might say.

"You mean, last night...it was nothing but your wolf – _imprinting_ – whatever, that was the reason why you _kissed_ me?" she finally said when she resumed to talk again, her eyes searched for his look and the despair in her glance shocked him. Did it shock her that he kissed her or that he might have kissed her merely because of his _imprinting_ – could she not see that his _imprinting_ had nothing to do with his feelings for her?

"It's more than just that. I – I've already _imprinted_ on you... the day you were born. The very first moment I looked into your eyes, I lost myself to you – and it's been like that ever since."

"You _fell_ in love with me...when...when I was just a child, when I was just a baby? That is...", she looked clearly disgusted, her eyes fell away from him and she looked for a decent word to describe how much she despised the very thought of him and her as a _child_...

"You got it all wrong. I did not _fell_ in love the day you were born. I – it's complicated..." he started, trying to defend himself but she cut him off immediately, snapping at him, finally losing her temper.

"Oh, really, then help me understand it, Jacob."

"It is like, the moment I saw you, everything changed. All of the sudden, it wasn't gravity holding me to the planet, it was _you_. From that moment on, I was prepared to do anything for you, be anything for you – anything you need. A friend, a brother, someone to look after you, protect you – _even from yourself_ – and when the time comes, also a lover.", he had hesitated for a moment, but then he started to speak, no, it was not just speaking, he opened himself completely to her, telling her of the secret fire that had burned inside him ever since he had first laid eyes upon her.

He felt strangely vulnerable while he explained it all to her, describing his very feelings, however, he was aware that no words could ever completely express what he felt for her. There were no words in any language of the humans to describe it. It could only be felt, only be understood by nature's own language. Jacob looked up only to find Renesmee staring at him, she looked scared, confused, unable to process what was happening right now. It was simply too much. She looked at him with those deep, questioning eyes, begging him silently to tell her what to do, what to say.

"And what are you...for me...now I mean?"

"Everything you need me to be."

The question had sounded strange in his ears, as if she could not really bring herself to say it, as if the deeper meaning, that this question bore, was already too much for her to accept. Jacob looked at her and gave her the only answer he could deliver: the truth. Renesmee stared at him, she swallowed hard, feeling the weight of her responsibility for whatever choice she would make. No, it was too much, she could not make a decision, she did not even want to think about the possible consequences that this decision might have for her, for him and for their relation.

"This..._this_ scares the shit out of me...this is just so confusing – "she started frantically, obviously searching for words, any words, to describe what this new piece of information had thrown her into, however, she stopped immediately, and settled instead on something that was much more important in that moment. She looked up to him, desperately needing to see his eyes, to see the truth being displayed in them, she needed to know what she had to do, what she could do.

"I mean, what do you expect from me now? What do you expect me to do, Jacob?"

"I don't expect you to do anything. I'm happy with everything you do." he said with a genuine tone, though he said the words through clenched teeth, clearly knowing of the deeper meaning of those words, for he knew there was always the possibility of her deciding against him. He knew he could not force her to respond to his feelings, and he knew he could not stop her from developing feelings for someone else. He had no choice but to live with it and his nature would force him to accept it happily, he thought to himself, whatever made her happy, fulfilled him, too.

"I will always love you, no matter what decision you make."

Renesmee froze at his answer, the shock clearly written all over her face. There was it, he had finally said those words, dangerous words, determined to destroy everything between them, ripping away everything familiar between them, overshadowing every touch, every laughter they had shared, replacing it with doubts, with a new, so unfamiliar meaning, replacing it with new, unknown feelings. It scared her. _Those words changed everything. _

"I don't want things to change between us, Jake.", she searched for his eyes as she said those words, hoping to receive the familiar reassuring smile from him she so badly needed, but at first he did not look up – and when he did, there was no smile hidden in his face, only an emotion expressed by his dark eyes that she could not take yet, maybe an emotion she might never be able to bear.

"I'm afraid things have already changed, Nessie."

* * *

><p>"Stop trying to think so hard, Jake, you look like you're in pain."Embry stated and looked around the table, grinning at everyone, but in the end he was the only one who laughed about his joke. Sam looked at his with his typical scolding face, reprimanding him for making fun of his brother's earnest problem. Quil, who sat right next to him, only raised one eyebrow before he continued eating, returning to his own imprintee in his thoughts. Leah, who leaned against the opposite wall, looked out of the window, appearing as if she wasn't listening, or rather participating to this at all.<p>

"Shut up!"Jacob roared as he suddenly stopped in his tracks and flung around to his brother, possibly attempting to throw himself upon him. That, definitely, shut up the much smaller boy.

"Now, that's enough, boys."

Sam, though not being Alpha to both of them, stood up and and held out his hands at both of them, looking from one to the other. Jacob, although pretending to never take any orders from his former Alpha, still backed away and returned to his former pacing up and down of his living room, his thoughts wandering back to Renesmee. Sam sighed heavily, and Jacob, though pretending not to feel his brother's concern, could feel his gaze upon him. He did not look around to him.

"She'll come around, Jacob."

"Really?" Jacob spat out to Sam's intentionally comforting words, as he all of the sudden turned on his heels and flung around to face him, the anger, though he did not know exactly where it came from, was just exploding in him. He could not bring himself to care who he hurt with his anger right now. The unknown pain in him – though he was too blinded by his anger to notice that it was the cold pain of rejection – burned in his heart, "She did not look it."

"She just needs time, Jacob, that is all. She is confused. You have to understand that.".

"I don't remember Emily making such a fuss out of it." Jacob snarled, ignoring the little move of uncomfortable reaction Leah made upon his words. It was the first time she had moved or shown any sign of presence or attention at all since she'd been there. However, apart from a slight tightening around Sam's mouth, no one appeared to have noticed Leah's reaction. Jacob, meanwhile, paid no attention to the unconsciously sharp comment he'd just made, but continued to follow his own trace of thoughts.

"It's different with Renesmee." Sam merely stated, starting a new attempt at calming the young and furious werewolf in front of him, whose feelings boiled like a volcano ready to explode. It felt like Jacob was mere moments from phasing, yet he did not give into his subconsciousness' wish – he knew fleeing into his werewolf state and thus shutting the all too human feelings out would do him no good. Postponing the moment of confronting himself with the expression in Renesmee's eyes as she had fled from him would only make it worse then. At his former Alpha's words, however, he seemed to lose it, his temper rising high as he flung around.

At his sudden move, everyone in the room reacted too, Quil and Embry looked anxious yet fascinated from one another, and – though unbeknownst to the others in the living room – they exchanged five quid under the table, playing their usual bets. Leah appeared to be only one apart from Sam and Jacob who had noticed the seriousness of this situation, she had immediately jumped away from the wall. Her muscles tensed automatically, she looked elegant and like a cat rather than a wolf as her feet dragged her body subconsciously closer to Jacob: she was his Beta after all, her place was at his side, to fight with him or, and in this situation it was a more likely option, to bring him back down to earth and to stop this nonsense of him burning everyone with his death glare whenever it came to dealing _Imprint-issues_.

Leah did not say a word while she positioned herself next to Jacob, who, at first, did not notice her presence at all, however, after a few more moments of him staring Sam to the ground, he shook his head several times. He threw a meaningful look back at Leah, who simply nodded and resumed her place, leaned against the wall. Jacob watched her for a second before he took a breath and fixed his eyes on Sam again as he spoke again, though, despite him having calmed down, his voice still sounded strangely strained from anger.

"Why is it different?"

Sam held his gaze for a moment, weighing his chances of provoking his Pro-Alpha again, but then again he decided that Jacob was freaking out no matter he said whenever it came to Renesmee.

The boy had never been good at taking advises, in particular when it came to how he should deal with the woman he loved.

"I could say now that it has something to do with her being a half-Vampire, but that's just nonsense.

The real reason is that she has – _partially_ – been brought up by you. For as long as she can remember you have been nothing but a brother, a friend – you have to understand that it is hard for her to change her perspective now, and to accept that you could be more for her. Perhaps she might not want to accept it, that is true. However, the bond you two share is very strong already, so don't give up, she might also want to choose to let friendship become something more.", Sam sighed heavily, before he added, "Either way, you will have to live with it. You can not force her into loving you."

"That's something to look forward to, mate." Embry suddenly exclaimed, nudging Quil with his elbow in order to make him understand the unmistakable note of his little joke, however Quil, whose thoughts had been tracing back to Claire while listening to Sam's warning words, looked in unveiled disgust at his brother.

"Shut up, Embry. You might be next to share that said fate."

Said one only grinned in staged shock and fury while trying to keep himself from falling into wholehearted laughter as he turned to the others in the room, never knowing when it was best to just stop talking, or rather joking around with a werewolf-Alpha right at the top of his temper.

"At least I make sure I won't get myself attached like puppy-dog to a half-Vampire chick."

"One more word, Embry, and I swear I –" Jacob threatened again, but they would never find out what he was planning on doing to Embry if he didn't shut up, when suddenly, Jacob's head flung to the side.

He stared out of the window, but there was nothing to see except the treetops that swayed like ballet dancers in the soft wind. However, despite the usual image of harmony, his instincts were alerted. He turned around to his brothers – and his sister –, reading in their faces the same suspicion that had caught him, they all jumped up, their muscles tensing automatically as they exchanged meaningful looks.

"Do you smell that?" he asked unnecessarily (for their sense of smell was able to pick up every possible scent, no matter how light and old it might be; and this scent in particular was unbelievably strong), meeting everyone's eyes, earning the looks of united understanding, of knowing.

They all knew this stink – there was a Bloodsucker trespassing their territory.


	2. Chapter 2

So, pals, here is Chp.2, I know it took me some time, but I hope you't be disappointed. We are now getting into the phase of adding a little bit more drama, setting up for the upcoming chapter.

I do hope, I can surprise and/or shock at least a bit! ^^

Have fun and **DO** tell me what you think about it!

* * *

><p><strong><span>2. The Intruder<span>**

_Whoever said you'd need the balls to grow up committed a plain understatement._

The wind blew soft against her skin, cooling her heated thoughts, while she slowly walked through the forest around Forks, trying to figure out what she'd just learned, mere hours ago. Renesmee sighed heavily while she fought her way through the woods' thick undergrowth; she stepped over the muddy wooden floor, not caring where she was heading to. Right now, she had no destination, neither where she was going to nor where her thoughts would lead her to.

_I've _imprinted_ on you...and this bond can not be undone, not even by death..._

Renesmee felt herself swaying a little in her walking when her thoughts passed this very memory of their talk; she could not deny that his words had scared her – _and who wouldn't be scared?_ In one moment, you live your life – _unusual as it was, though_ – and in the next, words like _bond_ and _decision_ and _love_ were thrown at you; all of the sudden your best friend apparently wasn't your best friend any longer, but...well, something completely _different_.

_I would do anything for you, be anything for you – anything you need..._

She stopped all of the sudden, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath while she waited for the shudder, that the words racing through her mind had caused, to slowly pass by. The sudden darkness, that shut out the rest of the world, gave her time to realise what his words really meant, what he really had wanted to say to her. _Anything she needed_ – but Jacob had always been anything she needed, he had been with her since the day she was born, he was almost the first thing she _could_ remember as a child...

_A friend, a brother, someone to look after you, protect you – even from yourself – and when the time comes, also a lover..._

When he had kissed her last night; she hadn't stopped him after all, and she hadn't stopped him, not because he'd frightened or surprised her (though, he had surprised her at first, and maybe even frightened her a bit, too). No, there had been a part within her – _and she was not yet sure how strong that part actually was_ – that had responded to him, even longed for him to kiss her. Was that this bond he'd spoken of? Even if it was, what would that mean for her now, and for him? Would it change now between them? How would it change? What would happen to them?

Renesmee knew fairly well she just couldn't pretend to feel something she just didn't feel, it would be nothing but a shallow lie and would hurt them both eventually more than the truth – but what was the truth? What did she feel for Jacob? The question, plain and simple as it was, knocked the air out of her lungs, for she knew of the consequences that the answer to this question bore. She did not want to think about it, she did not want to question her feelings for him – she didn't want anything to change...

But Jacob had been right, his confession had already changed everything between them, he could never take back those words now, they had already affected their relationship the moment he'd said them. So what did she feel? She knew she sort of loved him, not the way he had used the words, of course, but she loved him, though, as a friend, the only friend who would _never_ leave her, she loved him like a big brother – but there was a part in her that also saw him in another light and it had been this part of her heart that had responded to his kiss last night.

_I will always love you, no matter what decision you make..._

But what decision would she make?

She knew it did not really matter what decision she would make, every way would lead her into unknown, uncomfortable terrain: she could choose to ignore that little part of her heart (she was not even entirely sure what that part of her heart felt anyway!) and carry on with her life as usual, she knew Jacob would accept it. But this was the easy way, and she knew it, life was never easy.

Otherwise, she could, of course, choose to accept his words and tread on this unfamiliar path with him, figuring out with him what that feeling between them was. However, the thought alone scared the hell out out of her. Either way... –

She was suddenly torn out of her deep thoughts when her sharp senses noticed movements and noises not far away from her; quick, agile steps through the forest, too light, too elegant to be made by the paws of wolves. As a reaction, she immediately went into a defensive position, lowering her upper body, turning her face towards the direction where the sounds had been coming from – and then she waited. There was a strange smell in the air, sweet, almost uncomfortably sweet, and she remembered this particularly smell from her family – _the other part of her family_ – and she felt herself stiffen in terrified anticipation of what was drawing closer to her.

She knew she should run. The warnings and advises of her family echoed in her head, the horror stories they had told her, to bring her to constant vigilance, and she remembered fairly well her last meeting with unknown people of her own kind. _No, not of my kind_, she thought bitterly, _there is hardly anyone of my kind._

Renesmee felt her heartbeat starting to quicken even more, but strangely enough she felt herself becoming much quieter, she did not want to run, and although she knew she should, she could not bring herself to flee. She was not sure why, but the curiosity in her awakened, she wanted to see the Stranger, wanted to see how he lived, moved, habituated. Perhaps this talk really had changed more she could have thought of.

She remained safely hidden in the shadow of an oak, waiting for the Stranger to reveal himself and to step into the clearing in the middle of the forest. She could not deny that she was curious to find out who he was – or if _he_ was maybe actually a _she_ – and to see how much he really differed from her. After all, apart from her family and this once incident in her childhood, she had never met any Vampires again, and now, that she was grown up, she was curious to find out more about them. Since, though a part of her was human – all too human, she thought, as she considered the emotional mess she faced right now – there was still a part of her that was not human, but something completely different. It was this part of her being that desired to meet the Stranger, it was this part in her that kept her from listening to her sense of reason. Had curiosity ever killed the cat?

Then all of the sudden she was, again, drawn out of her thoughts, and her attention switched towards the other end of the clearing where a soft rustle had disturbed the usual harmonic silence of the forest. Her eyes drifted towards the point where she had heard the sound coming from, anticipation forced her to hold her breath and then all the waiting was over.

The Stranger finally entered the clearing.

* * *

><p>Renesmee stared at the young man, who looked almost more like a grown up boy, really; she did not dare to move, out of fear to attract his attention – but her worries were pointless anyway, for he had already spotted her long ago. However, at first he did not voice his knowledge but allowed her to observe him for a few more moments. She was fascinated by him, his worn-out clothes and bare feet, his wild blond hair; it gave him an atmosphere of unlimited freedom, as if not even nature itself was able to force its laws upon him. If she had ever dreamed of liberty, he was the personification of it, wild, and free and uncontrollable.<p>

She found herself longing for this sort of freedom.

"You can come out now, girl, I know you are there."

Renesmee was shocked when she heard the voice of the Stranger for the first time, and though she should be frightened that he had noticed her and run like hell, she was fascinated and enchanted by the unfamiliar melody that his voice gave those words. In that moment, she did the most stupid thing someone could have possibly done in that situation: she acted against all her better judgement, against her upbringing and the warnings of her instincts, and she stepped outside her hideout.

The Stranger observed her with an almost uncanny amount of satisfaction as she slowly walked into the clearing, her steps careful, her eyes always fixed on him, her whole body tensed in anticipation, and fear. Though, the fear was an emotion so small in her mind right now that it was easily overlaid and replaced by curiosity. She looked at him, and she could not but think him beautiful, but the word alone appeared rough and useless, unworthy to define him – and then the sun broke through the branches and leaves of the trees surrounding them.

The light of his beauty hit her now without restraint, and it blinded her so much she had to lift her hands and shield her partly human eyes from this unbearably beautiful sight. No, she could not take it. She felt like she had cast a look onto what was heaven and now, for her committing the sacrilege of desecrating heaven with her profane looks, she was condemned to die. Death came on beautiful wings and she was more than ready to accept it.

"What are you?", the words tore her out of her trance and she swayed as her thoughts returned to the earth and she opened her eyes again, now seeing that the sun had vanished again and her rays no longer saturated the clearing into a lake of light. The spell his beauty had cast upon her extinguished as quickly as it had come. She took a deep breath and looked at the Stranger again who met her glance with serious eyes, yet a small smile decorated his lips nonetheless.

Renesmee already opened her lips to give him the answer he wanted to have, however, on second thought, she closed her mouth again, and swallowed hard, thinking. She could not be sure that he had come here without ulterior motives. The urge to run away crept up her neck again, but she shook it off impatiently.

"What do you think I am?"

The smile he offered her upon her counter-question tore the air out of her lungs and she wallowed hard in order to remain where she was and not to just run over to him. She was not sure why he had such an impact on her – it was not like she had never seen a Vampire before, _Goodness !_, she had a whole family of Vampires, however, she had never reacted like that on their appearance, not even when the sun had revealed their unflawed beauty. Perhaps, yes, perhaps it was because she did _not_ know him, because he indeed did not belong to her family – he was unknown to her, unfamiliar, and in his strangeness unbelievably interesting and fascinating to her.

"At first, I thought, you were like me." he spoke, again with this sensually melodic voice, and again she was torn out of her thoughts. She looked at him, waiting for him to keep talking, but for a long moment he only stared at her. It was in this moment that she, for the very first time since he'd entered the clearing, noticed the colour of his eyes – it was not what she had expected, no gold stared back at her, no colour of honey and cinnamon, but a dark colour of red, the colour of blood.

"But I can hear your heartbeat, it sounds like a bird, wild and desperate..." he continued and she swallowed hard as she tried to process in her head what the colour of his eyes actually meant for her, "...and I can scent your blood, sweet and warm as it is...as if it would call for me..." he slowly trailed off and then he just stared at her. Renesmee swallowed hard as she tried to hold his intense gaze that seemed to burn right through her, leaving her breathless.

Although his words had alarmed her instincts she had not dared to run away, his beauty still blinded her for the danger that lurked behind that mask of an angel, and only when he made a harsh, sudden step towards her did she back away. She finally listened to that voice that screamed at her from the back of her head, her heartbeat racing while she felt the danger as a prickling on her skin, the thin hairs in her neck raising up. _Run_, warned that little voice inside her, _run_, but yet again the strange and dangerously beautiful angel opened his lovely lips to speak, and to seduce and blind her for any danger.

"Don't." he begged and the sweet sadness in his velvet voice shut off her instincts immediately, she did not run, no, she stood perfectly still, waiting for the beautiful killer to come and take his prize.

_She would not even scream_, she thought, as he slowly approached her, and she knew he could hear her heartbeat quicken in response to every step he took towards her. Did he revelled in the sound of her beating heart, the sound of her fear and anticipation, her desire? Was this the reason for that smile on his lips?

"Please, don't be afraid of me, girl, I won't hurt you. I promise." he said almost in a whisper when he'd finally closed the distance between them and stood right in front of her. He was close, that was the first thing she noticed, and she felt her body immediately reacting to him. She felt dizzy with all those contradicting feelings inside her, she could not decide to which voice she wanted to listen to.

Her instinct or her desire, the warning that urged her run away or the wish, born out of her curiosity, to learn more about him and why he fascinated her so much. It was not an immediate decision.

The Stranger studied her face and whatever he read in her facial expression seemed to amuse him – was the fear something that usually excited him about his victims or was it not fear at all that was displayed in her face, but something more like a desire? Almost as an answer to her question, he lifted his right hand to her face and softly touched her left cheek that burnt in dry flames under his icy touch – just as if she had asked for it and he did nothing but to oblige to her wish written all over her face.

"You are so warm and soft. Human, in so many ways, and yet you are so much more than just human." he whispered quietly and his sweet breath hit her face in a quick and overpowering rush, she felt enthralled by his looks and there was a tenderness in his eyes she could hardly bare. She had butterflies in her stomach that made her feel light and dizzy.

"I can hardly believe that you really exist."

His words, spoken softly with that velvet, angelic voice he owned, made her shiver down to her very core, and those words spoke volume, speaking of an emotion she had never felt before. Though there was a disturbing, little voice in her head, screaming at her as a reaction to that thought, she ignored it as she stared up to the strange man with the ravishing beauty.

"My name is Cillian." he said softly, his hand still lingered on her cheek and slowly his cool, icy skin, hard as stone appeared to warm up, just as if she was able to melt his ice, giving him a breath of life again – and it was a wondrous feeling that he became addicted to just the same as she did.

"Renesmee.", she was used by now that people started to laugh or eye her suspiciously whenever she revealed her name, yet the amused smile of this Stranger – Cillian, what a mysteriously beautiful name it was – did not aggravate her as it usually would have done. Shivers ran down her spine, like little drops of icy cold water, a truly unfamiliar yet so amazing feeling.

"Fitting for someone as unique as you are." he simply exclaimed as a comment to her name and she could not but smile in response to him, his presence gave her an odd feeling of lightness, as if she had been freed from all her burdens just by looking at him. She never wanted to look away.

"Have you been hunting?", she couldn't tell where those words had come from, she hadn't meant to say them at all, but, as she was so transfixed by his eyes, she had hardly any control over her thoughts or feelings any more. Cillian, however, did not feel offended in any way, on the contrary, her question seemed to amuse him, but his smile bore no evil or ulterior motives, and when he spoke to answer her question she could hear the sincerity in his words.

"Don't be afraid, little bird, my hunger has already been sated. I won't hurt you."

Renesmee smiled at the nickname he gave her, strangely enough, she did not feel afraid that he had detected her subconscious fear so easily, and his words soothed her dread, making her feel even more comfortable in his presence. She believed him, she believed that he would not attack her.

She did not question where he had got his latest meal from. No, she was blinded; she would not run away, she couldn't have done it anyway: she was already too enchanted by him to see beyond his beauty and charm.

As she stared into his eyes she felt herself leaning forward, a promise of freedom decorated those beautiful lips and she was ready to receive that promise. Meanwhile the voice of her inner monster, the part of her being she usually kept shut as tightly as possible, awakened in her and for the first time she could remember, she felt at peace with that part of her soul. It was as if the strange angel had given her something she hadn't known she wanted, as if he had told her something she hadn't known about herself or something she had always been too afraid to accept.

She was no longer afraid of that part of her, she wanted to accept it, experience it, live it as freely as he did, she wanted...wanted something more...

Renesmee closed her eyes, she drowned in every possible feeling, she felt close to him, and she did not back away, she felt him leaning down to her, she was ready to give him that burning kiss he desired, she could almost feel his icy breath on her face, reaching to singe her skin, to singe her whole being, down to her very soul...

However, it was in that moment, when her senses, as occupied as they were by this dark angel, picked up those strange sounds of quick movements. There was _something_ in the woods, slowly surrounding, encircling them with every moment more and more, the sounds of oh so soft and careful motions, just...just as the sounds of elegant paws. Renesmee's eyes shot open as her head flung around, her glance fixed upon the other end of the clearing – and she knew, they were no longer alone. From one moment to another, then, ten, fully grown, angrily growling, terrifyingly looking wolves entered the clearing, ready to attack.

* * *

><p>Renesmee swallowed hard as she stared at the members of the two different wolf packs, her eyes immediately searching for the soft, brown eyes of the russet coloured wolf and when she finally found them, she stared into those depths, hoping to find him in there and to make him understand – but she was utterly mistaken. The big, russet wolf narrowed his eyes to small slits as he growled deep in his throat, revealing a sound so threatening that it even scared her to death, letting ice cold shivers run down her spine. She had never been afraid of Jacob, never – neither in his human form nor in his state of being a werewolf – and yet she found herself now shaken with fear as she looked at her best friend, her brother, her most trusted confidant.<p>

However, despite her fear, she did not back away, on the contrary, the anger that was displayed on his wolfish face even appeared to brave her for her next move. Renesmee took a deep breath to calm down before she stepped in front of her dark angel, ready to defend him, even against her family, who looked perfectly at the edge of throwing themselves upon him and to rip him to pieces.

She was defiant and unwilling to step aside, she would stand her ground.

"Don't hurt him! Don't you dare hurt him!"

Her words echoed through the silence of the woods, and it took the wolves, as it seemed, a few moments to realise what she had actually just said. They couldn't believe it, but there she just stood, her will as strong as steel and she was ready to protect that...that _monster_ from them – was she even willing to fight them? For a moment, there was nothing but silence, following her statement, and then – whatever she had expected, it was definitely not that.

From one second to another, the giant russet wolf – most likely not without the urgent warnings of his brothers and his sister, which he all ignored, of course – phased back into Jacob, who walked over to her, yet kept a deliberate and great distance towards her, or rather towards the stranger behind her. The look on Jacob's face was like nothing she had ever seen before on a human being's face and it made shivers run down her spine, letting the word »dread« appear all too soft to describe the feeling he gave her with this look. She could detect anger in it, of course, hatred even, and there was a pain written all over his face that made her heart ache in the wish to comfort him, but she knew she could not give in.

Of course, another part of her did surely acknowledge the fact that the man, who was the very person closest to her, the very person who had been a giant wolf mere seconds ago, stood there, stark _naked_, though he did not seem notice it. No, Jacob thought about everything else but this – about the woman he loved more than his life, his family, his pack, the woman who stood there ready to defend that Bloodsucker against him; and he thought about that filthy Bloodsucker, who dared to look at her, to touch her like that – and he was far too much consumed by his concern for her to actually care for something as trivial as clothes in this particular moment.

"Get away from him, Nessie! He is a Bloodsucker! Look at him, he is a monster!" Jacob yelled at her almost impatiently, trying to make her get away from that Bloodsucker, trying desperately to save her life, but she, obviously, did not care to be saved.

"Like me?" she screamed back at him and her anger caught him off guard, Jacob actually swayed at the sound of her furious words and he stared at her for a few moments, unable to counter anything to her aggravated outbreak. He was shocked; her being a half-Vampire had never been a problem between them before – it had never been a problem for her, too, had it? – , they had always joked about it, expressing it through their various bets about who was the fastest at running or the strongest at wrestling. He had not known that it really bothered her that much, and that she actually thought it bothered him at all. He could not say anything at all.

Renesmee stared back at him, all her pitiful feelings for him were gone, his yelled words had hurt something deep down in her; his hatred for Vampires, him thinking about them as monsters had touched a sensitive point in her. After all, her whole family consisted of Vampires, however, what had struck her much more in that moment was the fact that she, too, was a Vampire, even if it what was only a part of her being.

Yet that part of her being growled now with fury and hatred against the man she had come to trust more than herself: did he think her a monster, too? Did he believe she was a filthy Bloodsucker, too, a thing without any soul or humanity? What would he know of it? He had no idea what if felt like to have two contradicting personalities in one soul, consistently fighting over what was good and what was right. He did not know what it felt like to break apart at the wish to be good and yet to know that she would never be good, never, not with that hunger continuously lurking beneath the surface of her beauty, a hunger that could never be sated. After all, he was only human, he would never understand – and he would always fear and hate what he did not understand.

Her heart almost broke when she realised this sad but simple truth.

Renesmee was suddenly torn out of her thoughts when she felt a movement behind her and before she knew what was happening, Cillian already pushed himself past her – the easiness with which he shoved her to the side scared and fascinated her just the same – and tried to get to the wolves, ready to face his enemies, ready to attack. However, she was almost as quick as he was and so she grabbed his wrist with her small hands, turning him around to her again. She would not allow them to fight, she did not want any of them get hurt over her – the thought brought a small glimpse of her sad feelings towards Jacob to the surface again, but she dismissed them as she concentrated on Cillian.

The Stranger was clearly not very comfortable with having his back turned towards ten wolves – or rather nine wolves and very angry human – but as the soft, warm hands of that small half-human cupped his face he immediately forgot all his anger and all his killer instincts were suddenly shut down.

"Please, don't." she said slowly, but with a tender force in her voice he had not believed to be possible, forcing him to look into her deep, chocolate brown eyes, "Just listen to me.".

With those whispered words she closed her eyes and then something happened he had not encountered in all the centuries he had walked this earth: slowly but steadily, images formed in his mind, like flashes of light but unlike rays of sunshine they did not blind him and he was fascinated by what he saw or rather what she allowed him to see. She showed him images of another life, of a new life...a life with her; she showed him their hands intertwining like it was destined to be, she showed him her large, warm eyes, yearning to learn from him about this other soul in her. In his mind, she showed him an image of them kissing, her warm, almost human lips melting his icy lips, of them melting together...

Cillian sighed heavily, his eyes, which had been closed the whole time she had shared her images with him, shot open and as he stared into the brown depths of her eyes he could see tears in them, mixing up with a soft light of what was hope and a deep plea. Moved by what he had seen and by her trust and concern for him (and that wolf-boy) he fell down to his knees in front of her, he pressed his face against her warm stomach, his arms wrapping themselves around her waist, desperately trying to hold on to her and to the light she represented in his world of darkness.

He was like a child seeking redemption for his sins.

Renesmee was shocked by his sudden movements and for a moment her hands levitated over his hand, hesitating, unsure of what to do, but then it came to her oh so naturally. She slowly laid her hands on his head, her fingers digging deep into his hair as she caressed him, her hands lying on his head in such a motherly and protective way, as she whispered, "I won't let anyone hurt you."

Jacob who had heard those whispered words was shocked, not just by what he'd heard – he could not believe that she wanted to protect that monster of a Bloodsucker – but also by what he'd seen and what he saw. now When she had grown up he had remained the only person she had shown her powers to, and it had always been like a special bond between them, and to see, now, that she shared her images with that _thing_, and that she actually saw him as something worth to be protected – it made him feel sick. To see them now together, like a mother and her child, _no_, like two _lovers_ almost, it made him sick, he felt his anger and he felt the urge to vomit.

She protected that _monster_ as if he was an angel utterly misunderstood, but Jacob knew what he was, he was nothing but a shadow on her light and he was already soiling her.

* * *

><p>Jacob stared as she packed her stuff together, a little bag only, yet it looked like she just packed her whole life together. Every new item she stuffed in that bag felt like another knife plunged into his heart that slowly, oh so slowly bled to death. Would it ever be revived again?<p>

After what had happened on that clearing in the middle of the forest, Jacob had blown off the attack on the strange Bloodsucker, much to the incomprehension of his brothers and his sister, but to see her like that, it had killed him right away. He had felt that this was what she wanted, and no matter how much he hated that filthy Vampire he could not deny her anything she wanted. In his head he had screamed and fought – he still did – but his imprinting did not allow him to deny her what she wanted. He had to let her go.

Jacob was torn out of his thoughts when he heard Renesmee behind me, clearing her throat, so he took a deep breath and turned around. She looked sad, though he could not read her eyes because she avoided his look, but it wasn't hard for him to tell how she felt in the moment; he knew her too well to miss the unmistakable signs of her body language. She had always been like an open book for him, ready to be read, yet he wished now he couldn't perceive so easily what was going on inside her right now. In his head, her outbreak in the forest was replayed all over again and again.

What if she just left, because she really believed that her being a half Vampire disgusted him?

_Let her go. –_

"He has asked me to come with him...and I said yes." she finally said and her voice sounded raw, but not because of anger, the sadness was written all over her face. Jacob just nodded, he wasn't looking at her any more, he couldn't, he didn't want to see that expression of finality on her face, that look of good-bye – he had seen it like a thousand times. But nodding was also the only thing that kept him from exploding right away with anger about all the injustice. If he started talking, he would hurt her with his words; he didn't want to hurt her – but then it was too late.

"Well, then go. Don't let me spoil the fun."

Renesmee looked up as she heard his words, his voice sounded so wrong, all the happiness and easiness was gone, everything she had loved so much was burnt out, and as she looked into his deep brown eyes he saw all those feelings, that his voice had borne, now reflected in his glance. She felt her heart ache in his sorrow for him as she could literally hear his heart break – but she knew she could not act against her better judgement and most of all, she knew she could not act against what she wanted.

"I don't love you, Jake.", she said with a low, quiet voice, almost as if she was too afraid, too ashamed to confess it; Jacob looked up, totally struck down by her words, "At least, not the way you love me – and I can not pretend to feel something for you. It would not be real.

I don't know if I'll be ever able to feel like this for you, but in order to find an answer to that question I have to leave. I need to find out _who_ I am, and then, maybe, I can find out what it is that _we_ are."

Jacob stared at her for a moment and that pleading look in her deep, brown eyes, begging him to understand, tore his very soul apart – this felt wrong, this felt absolutely wrong. He could not let her go, he couldn't give up the fight. He had to say something. Now. But the moment passed, he had missed his chance and he felt the anger and sadness welling up inside him. He could not give up.

_I know what you are. You are _my_ Renesmee_, he screamed in his thoughts, and for a moment, though he knew it was impossible, it felt as though she had read his thoughts and as she met his look with anxious sadness. They stared at each other for a moment, their looks always said so much more than they could have ever put into words. But she had not heard his silent scream, and she would not stay.

"Goodbye, Jacob.", she said, her voice sounded strangely strangled, the emotions clearly tightening her throat, sadness speaking of the tears that were yet to come. She slowly leaned forward to embrace him for a last time, but even surprising to him he backed away from her for the very first time – but the pain in him was too great already to be burdened any more with bits of more false hope. Renesmee stared at him for a moment, he could see that she was clearly heartbroken that he shied away from her, but she did not voice it, instead she simply nodded and walked out of the door

_She did not look back._

Jacob watched her cross the distance between his house and the edge of the forest, his eyes were good enough to see that the Bloodsucker was already waiting for her. This whole situation felt like one, big déjà-vu, as if he had already lived through something like that before, and indeed he had. He remembered, as sharp and painful as if it had happened just yesterday, how he had been rejected by Bella – surprisingly as it was – for the love of a dead stone, too.

_Would he always be left by the ones he love the most?_

Jacob swallowed hard, he tried to pull himself together for the unlikely chance of her looking back once more – he did not want her to see him cry or be in a fury about her leaving. He did not want her to witness his breakdown, he did not want her too see him all in ruins – he would pull himself together. But his heart had never been good at listening to his mind's command and it finally broke as he watched the woman he loved leave him, probably for good.

Renesmee had reached the edge of the forest and took the Vampire's hand, and the last things Jacob could see before let go of his humanity and phased back into his wolf form, were their pale fingers which intertwined as if it was destined to be.

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><p>So, please, please, give me reviews, or my muse might die away...DON'T let that happen!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

So, folks, here is Chp.3, and as you might have guessed already, yes, Renesmee is returning. But how and how will that time away have changed her?

I am not sure when Chp.4 will be finished, but I am trying to be as quick as possible. Promise.

As always, have fun reading, and comments and reviews are love!

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><p><strong><span>3. The Return of the lost Child<span>**

Jacob ran as hard as he could in his human form, his lungs burned from the effort, the air filling in felt like dry flames licking up and down his throat, his muscles ached under the strain; and yet all this could not keep his mind busy enough to not think about what gave him nightmares each and every night. He doubled his speed once more in the attempt to shut those dangerous thoughts down, his heart pumping fast and hard, desperately trying to keep up with him. He knew he mustn't think of it, thinking about it would allow feelings to sink in which hurt so much more than anything he had experienced before. He could not take it. It would break him down. It would kill him, every day a little bit more. But his mind worked restlessly in killing him, reminding him at what he had lost.

Several weeks had passed since Renesmee had left – _since she had left him_ – to wander around at the side of that Bloodsucker; weeks had passed into a month, then two, then three. No message from her, not a word, nothing. Every day he woke up from a nightmare of tormenting dreams about a future he now could never have, only to defy the only truth he had left now: She would not be coming back. He was alone, alone with feelings he did not want to feel.

The love that had burnt for her in his chest, once warm and encouraging, felt like cold ashes now, slowly eating him up, devouring him and dragging him down into a sea of darkness – all the light in the world had been taken from him from one moment to another. He could not breathe, he could not live without her. Was he living right now, or was he dreaming? Would he wake up in every second, seeing her soft and smiling in his arms, only to realise that it had all been just a bad dream? But no, that was no nightmare, this was his life and he would not wake up from it.

There would be no saving for him, he was lost.

The infinite sadness welled up inside him again, but simultaneously the anger returned, as it always happened, and within seconds he felt the familiar pull of his transformation. A hot pain shot through his body, his skin felt like it belonged to another one. It felt strange and weird, unfamiliar, he needed to get rid of it, and with a cracking sound of torn apart flesh and skin the man vanished and the wolf he was appeared. For a moment, then, there was nothing but silence, the man in wolf's clothing appreciated nothing but the dusty, dirty floor of the woods, the soft wind as it caressed his russet fur, the lively sounds of nature surrounding him and the deep, earthly smell of the forest.

Whenever the man was lost, the wolf inside him found himself again.

Being in his wolf form where the only moments of the day where he, at least on the surface, was spared the full scale of pain that her leaving had caused him. The pain became somehow bearable, and he dreaded the moment already when he had to give up this momentary state of unknowing, of being not human and not _feeling_ human, in every way. However, being in his wolf form also came with some things he had never liked very much, and now those wolf aspects managed it to most certainly drive him even more nuts.

_Could you stop whining around, Black, if you want to cry out your eyes go over to the girls and play with your Barbie doll._

Leah's words him hard enough to stop his thoughts immediately in its track: no one could be as tactless and still so comforting at the same as his second-in-command. He growled deep in his throat over her disrespectful comment, trying to play out his _Alpha_ card, but she only raised her eyebrows (figuratively speaking – for a wolf, of course, did not have any brows he could raise) and wrinkled her nose. That Clearwater woman had never had much tact – not much respect, either, to be honest – but magically her comments and statements always managed it to put his mind off things he'd rather not want to think about, or things he should not think about. Still, he would prefer it if she used a much more sensitive method for that, and not by mocking him all day long.

_Earth to big Alpha – are you still with me or back to Wonderland?_

_Leah, one more word and I'll be kicking _your ass_ to Wonderland._

If wolves could giggle (and Jacob was about a hundred percent sure they couldn't) Leah's laugh attack would have filled the air right now, loud, and light-hearted and – to her very own shame – quite girlish. The wolf with the fur of a russet colour only shook his head hopelessly over his Beta's typical behaviour, before he gave a sound of rude impatience that brought her to her senses again.

_So, apart from making fun of your Alpha, why are you here, _Leelee_?_

If he had been someone else and not her Alpha, him using her old pet name would have cost him a part of his body he might miss quite dearly, however, he was her superior and so she simply growled full of anger, before she wrinkled her nose again. She was now in the same part of the woods he was, in a few seconds she would be with him – and he would have to deal with the worst side of her: her being a girl _and_ a werewolf.

_Did you cry out your eyes all night so that your little nose can't smell a thing, _Chief Heartbreak_, or how come it you don't smell that stink?_

Jacob laughed pathetically at her comment (and her attempt to mock him again), however, now that she mentioned it, he did smell something, but it was not strong enough to tell exactly what it was.

But, what he did know, or rather what he did smell, was the specific note of sweetness, almost unbearable sweetness, like dead ripe fruits which were already rotting. It stung his nose and tasted surprisingly bitter on his tongue – his mind automatically twitched back from it, his instincts telling him everything he needed to know. He would have recognised that scent of death everywhere, that it crossed him here could only mean one thing: a Bloodsucker was, once again, on their territory.

* * *

><p>It hadn't taken them both much time before they were joined by the other members of the two packs, together they dived deeper and deeper into the woods, passing oaks and willows as they followed this unmistakable scent. Jacob felt his adrenaline rushing rapidly through his veins, humming a melody that spurred him on and on, a chant of blood had been sung. This time he would not hesitate, the Bloodsucker would die where he stood, as they all deserved it.<p>

A pang of pain in his heart told him otherwise, though he ignored it in favour of being devoured by his all-consuming anger; he lived in it, breathed in it – it was all he had left now. His four legs sped up, leading his brothers and his sister on towards the battle field of a secret war: killing was his redemption of his shame – _he could have hindered her to leave him, he should have said something._

The russet wolf growled deep in his throat, trying to rid his mind off such feelings, they did not belong here now, he needed to stay focused, for it wasn't solely his own life that depended on his concentration but the lives of his whole family.

The wolves followed the scent right into the heart of the forest and – Jacobs heart skipped a beat – to the very clearing he had lost _her_ to that thing. Anger and pain coursed simultaneously through his veins, the memory increasing his desire to kill whatever awaited them there. A moment more – and they finally entered the clearing.

The Bloodsucker stood at the other end of the clearing, almost as if he was waiting for them; his back turned towards them, its body looking oddly fragile beyond the worn-out layers of clothing, a hood blocking the sight on its face: a proper victim for their kill, the easiest target to wish for.

If he could have laughed in cruel glee he would have done it just now, but then something happened that he couldn't have expected; he had never been good at controlling his feelings and this moment right now was not different.

_JACOB. NO!_

He heard Leah's words as a warning scream in his head but he paid no attention to it as he phased back into his human form, making first moves to approach the hooded monster at the other end of the clearing. He did not care that he was vulnerable in his human form, he was so angry that he wanted to tear that thing to shreds with his bare, his human hands, proving him that not all humans were struck down by their blinding mirage of beauty. He was able to see their true, ugly faces through all that masks of beauty, he could not be fooled.

Something inside Jacob just snapped, to see that Bloodsucker standing here in front of them, too arrogant to turn around to them, too frightened to face them as a man – as a human – would do. The red anger inside him welled up, higher and higher went the waves until he drowned in them, he could not fight it. All the pain and anger he felt mixed up and concentrated on that one thing – he knew it was nonsense, but the anger he felt for Renesmee just leaving him like that somehow transferred onto that stranger and in that moment he wanted nothing more than to rip that Bloodsucker apart.

"Bloodsucker – show yourself!" he yelled, his voice breaking because of all this anger coursing through his veins, desperately seeking to be set free. His skin felt hot and tight, and the urge to phase back into the wolf became almost painful, as only the wolf in him knew how to handle this unbearable amount of anger. The human he was could not bear it. At first he thought the Bloodsucker had not heard him and he was just about to shout out again, when the thing slowly turned around, pulling down his hood in the process, revealing itself to him. It seemed to take hours for it before it faced them, and there was just a strange thing he noticed, the way the Bloodsucker had shrugged its shoulders before he turned around, almost as if it twitched back from the hard quality of his voice, as if it was actually afraid of him...

The little move felt oddly familiar to him, and when he finally faced that Bloodsucker he knew why. The shock hit the air out of his lungs as he stared at her and his heart stopped dead for a beat or two.

"Renesmee."

* * *

><p>"Renesmee."<p>

Jacob had just uttered her name, not like someone who simply greeted a friend he hadn't seen in a long time, no he voiced her name with the urgent quality of despair, shock, relief, yearning, all being displayed in this one syllable. Had a voice ever shown so much emotion? Had a name alone ever meant so much to a person before? For months he had prohibited himself to even think her name, the pain had been unbearable, even without mentioning her name – but now, it had come back to him. With the range of all the things he could have said to her in that moment – words and phrases to express his anger, hatred, desire, passion and love for her – he went for her name, her name that was, for him, the personification of all these feelings.

His glance never left her figure as he spoke her name and with a hopeful light in his eyes he stepped forward without thinking – and Renesmee shied away from him. Jacob stopped immediately in his tracks, surely this must have been a mistake – he must have done something to scare her or to bother her; her name, of course, she knew he did not like to use her full name (though, this appeared to have changed), yes, that must have been it. Renesmee had never been afraid of him. She had never backed away from him.

Jacob did another move towards her, slower this time, holding her unnaturally intense gaze, holding his hands up in the air, trying to mediate that he did not intent to attack or frighten her, a small smile flickering on his lips, he could not keep his heart from racing in joy – Renesmee shied away from him again. Her movements, supported by her Vampire personality gave her a sheer enormous amount of speed and instinctive reflexes, and within the glimpse of a second she had brought a distance of several metres between them.

"It's me, Nessie, it's me, Jacob." he now said, unable to understand what was going on, he tried to read her eyes, but found it difficult since her brown orbs were focusing on something behind Jacob. He briefly turned around, only to find his brothers and his sister still in there wolf shapes – why hadn't they turned back yet? That was only Nessie, no need to be afraid of her, no need to be vigilant?

"It's okay, folks, it's just Nessie, you can change back now. You're only frighten her."

Jacob turned around again and it was only then that he finally really _saw_ her, his eyes taking in what the packs had already noted long ago: her clothes were torn apart and worn-out (a shirt and old jeans), her feet bare and dirtied with wooden dust and leaves, her hair, once bronze, looked now dull and pale, as if it hadn't been washed in weeks. But what really got him were her eyes.

Her eyes, once of brown colour, displayed now the blackest of all nights, a slight colour of red daring to shine at the edge of her pupils – but it could have been a trick of light, too – and there was a hunger in her eyes he had never seen before in any human being's eyes before. An all-consuming hunger that seemed impossible to satisfy, unbearable to withstand, burning as it endured, burning down her throat, burning even deeper...

Jacob swallowed hard as he held her intense gaze, not daring to move, not even daring to take a breath – but hunger was not the only emotion displayed in her eyes, he could also detect a reflection of fear, no, terror, that observed carefully every move he made and every move the wolves made behind him. Was she afraid of them? Did she fear they would attack her at any moment? How could she even think they would ever attack her?

"Nessie, please, it's me. Jacob." he started once more, begging her to remember him, to smile at him, showing him the Renesmee he thought he had lost for good, but there was not even so much as a flash of light in her eyes that would tell him that she'd recognised him. Her eyes remained pitch-black and empty, with nothing but this burning hunger and that terror filling those brown depths.

She slowly retreated to the other end of the clearing, carefully walking backwards, her eyes never leaving them, making sure they would not attack her, and when she had finally reached the first lines of trees she hesitated only for a moment before she flung around and ran away again.

She did not look back.

* * *

><p>"Maybe something's wrong with her..." Jacob started all over again, his calloused hand rubbing his grubby chin as he walked up and down the kitchen floor, deeply buried in his thought, trying to figure out what was going on with her. He could not but think about the half-human that lay in his bed at the moment, fast asleep – for almost forty-eight hours now. After Renesmee had arrived two days ago on that clearing in the forest, after she had run away – not to leave him again, as he later found out – and sought refuge at the Black house. He still couldn't suppress the smile that had claimed his lips as he thought back at the moment he had came home, only to find his imprint lying in his bed, curled up in a ball of bronze hair, soft skin, and a thick blanket.<p>

However, his happiness over her return had long since then worn off and had been replaced by concern all over again – she hadn't woken up since then, not to drink, or to eat, or to stretch..._bloody hell_, she did not even go to the toilet. She was simply fast asleep, even more, she did not wake up, like in that stupid fairy tale: A Sleeping Beauty. Was he supposed to kiss that princess awake in order to break the curse?

Jacob snorted silently as he thought about being tempted with that idea, but he declined it, his face being filled with the utmost display of concern again. The image of her appearance in the forest had shaken him down to the core, it had been a dreadful sight – tired and worn-out as she was, she was still the breathtaking beauty that had left almost three months ago; but terror, pure fear had screamed at him, mixed up with a hunger, he had once, only once, seen before. On a newborn Vampire's face before he in his wolf shape had ripped it apart. He could not suppress the heavy shiver that claimed him as a response to that associated image in his mind.

"Everything's fine. She is just tired, Jacob." said Emily as she drew another batch of little, home-made pizzas out the oven, trying to comfort him and to sooth his apparently everlasting concern for his imprint. She had asked herself more than just once how dreadful it must feel to be so...so limited in his life, to be forced to almost completely give up yourself, just because of a nature's call. At this thought she cast a silent look towards her fiancée Sam, who sat at the kitchen table, between Leah and Embry, "God only knows when she has slept for the last time..."

"...Or who kept her from sleeping all night!", Emily had just resumed talking, when Embry interrupted her all of the sudden, throwing in one of his typical _guy-commentaries_, tactless as they were, so much stating the fact that he had not imprinted yet and therefore had no idea what it felt like to be overwhelmed with concern and despair for the one he more than just simply loved.

"Embry. Out. Now."

Jacob had barely managed to press the words to his clenched teeth and the angered look he threw back at the boy at the table did definitely whip the grin of said boy's face; his smile fell apart and he gulped hard, apparently considering if he had already crossed the line again. Sam and Leah, however, seemed to simply ignore the little argument between Embry and his Alpha. They had all long ago learned to ignore Embry's immature jokes – and even Leah did not try, as she usually would have done, to jump in and calm Jacob down. On the contrary, she looked rather lost in her thoughts, an almost terrified, worried look on her face and she started to speak, as if the situation between Jacob and Embry hadn't just happened, "I'm rather glad she is not awake. Something _is_ wrong with her. She seems changed..._She frightens me._"

Jacob was just about to open his mouth to counter something to Leah's obviously ridiculous comment – _being afraid of Nessie?_ – when all of the sudden the door to Jacob's room was pushed open and a rather tiresomely looking Renesmee stepped into the kitchen. For a moment, all of them (except Emily and Leah, of course, who rolled their eyes over their men) stared at the half-Vampire who walked slowly across the kitchen towards the fridge to help herself to some milk.

Jacob had to agree with Leah at least about one thing: Renesmee had definitely changed.

Of course, being a hybrid meant that she had reached her maturity with approximately seven years, and she did, he had seen her grow into adulthood, he had watched her become a woman in front of his eyes – however, now, all her naivety appeared to have been gone, she had filled out. She still looked beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful, to be perfectly honest, unbearably beautiful; but now that her loveliness and smile appeared to have been gone, there was even another feature that had to be added to her appearance: she looked incredibly, unbelievably _sexy_.

Yes, _sexy_ was the word to describe the way she looked as she walked into the kitchen at this early Sunday Morning, her divine body clothed in nothing but a pair of blue, worn-out shorts and a simple black bra, the much needed black shirt was tugged into one of her shorts' pockets. She did not seem to bother at all that she just happened to have walked half-naked into a room full of men (who just happened to be werewolves aka shapeshifters, too) who were now drooling all over their chins as they stared at her.

Jacob was the first who managed it to wriggle himself out his mindless state of staring and slobbering, and at least _tried_ to avert his eyes from her body, but it turned out to be much more difficult than one could have imagined. However, this time it was not so much her beauty that gripped him, but all the flaws that worked to overshadow her appearance: several scars, filigree, white lines drawn on her once oh so pure skin, lines that formed circles, all too familiar forms...biting scars.

_What had happened to her?_

Just as if she had heard his silent question, Renesmee suddenly turned around only to find Embry, for example, still staring at her with an expression of utmost awe, whereas the others at least had managed it to gave their gazes an atmosphere of much more tactful emotion. She met their eyes with a look that couldn't have been more difficult to read – was she actually surprised that she had such an effect on the people around her, did she honestly not know? However, realising what appeared to be reason for this strange behaviour, Renesmee sighed heavily and reluctantly grabbed for her black shirt, pulling it on, as if that would mean an unbearable inconvenience to her.

"What are _these_?"

Jacob hadn't meant to ask the question at all, he just couldn't hold it back any longer, he needed to know where those scars had come from, or rather who had given her these scars. For a moment it seemed as if Renesmee hadn't heard him at all, for she simply sat herself at the table, opening the milk carton and taking a great sip of it before lowering it from her lips again in order to speak.

"Look like scars, don't they? Fighting scars, to be more precise."

She had said those words without looking up once, she had said them in such a casual tone as if she was stating something as trivial as the fact that it rained again in Forks – and not that she obviously had been attacked, several times by God only knew how many Bloodsuckers. Jacob stared at her, though he was not really looking at her but rather staring onto a point over her shoulder; he felt his body starting to shake but he still had his rage under control, at least enough for him not to phase into a wolf right here and now at Emily's kitchen table. Still, he was at a loss for words, he was unsure of what do counter to such a statement, others, it appeared, however, did not seem to have any problems with that at all.

"Did you have a little row with your Vamp-Boy?"

Embry's funny, bickering comment was greeted with the well known silence of disapproval, however, unusual as it was, no one – not even Jacob – bothered to shut him up this time (though they cast contemptuous, aggravated looks into his direction), and so he remained the only one to enjoy his own sense of humour. Renesmee still hadn't looked up, however, she did not seem to feel offended by Embry's comment, as Jacob would have thought, on the contrary – and he could see to his own surprise that slowly but steadily a small smile spread on her perfect lips. But the smile appeared unfamiliar, strange; Jacob could feel that it was not real, it was a lie, a smile as false as it was cruel. Jacob felt his heart go faster: the Renesmee he knew did not know how to fake a smile, she had never needed to do it, she did not know how to be cruel.

"No." she said quietly, and the false, cruel smile on her lips only widened as she slowly lifted her head to look straight at Embry when she uttered her next words, "I killed him."

Upon her cold response there was silence throughout the whole kitchen, a silence so deafening they could hardly take its disturbing screaming. Her words – spoken with such cold sweetness – had whipped the grin off Embry's face and he swallowed hard, staring at her for a long moment, fear clear and bright in his eyes before he looked away. Renesmee seemed rather pleased with herself when she helped herself to quite a lot of the little mini pizzas Emily had baked.

Jacob lightly shook his head – _this was wrong_ – and tried to find the link between the cruelly smiling woman sitting at the table and the lovely, naive girl who had left him months ago. He could not find it; the Renesmee he knew would have never said something like – _bloody hell_, the girl he had known would have never even dared to hurt another person, even if said person was (at least in his opinion) not a real person at all. _This was wrong, and he felt it._

"Gosh, Nessie, you eat like a Wolf." Emily said quickly in order to draw the conversation towards other, much safer topics; she hadn't missed Jacob shaking in his anger and – having a Werewolf for a fiancée – she knew when to hit the brakes. Jacob, apparently, wasn't listening any more, he stared straight forward without really seeing anything; his mind tortured him with pictures he did not want to see: he thought about her being forced to fight, of her being hurt, and him not being there to protect her.

"I haven't eaten on the road."

"At all?"

"No, I meant to say I haven't eaten any _food_."

"I understand.", Renesmee, who hadn't looked up once and who seemed to have responded to her attempts of small-talk quite reluctantly, suddenly froze in her movements, the mini pizza in her hand seemed forgotten. Her eyes turned to small, fiery slits as she processed the words Emily had just said, not knowing what storm it would break loose. For a moment, there was only silence while everyone felt the rising temper, the increasing anger, red and hot pulsing through her veins, fighting to be unleashed.

"You do?" she said, her words sounding small and quiet, but nonetheless cold and hard – it felt like little drops of ice running down their backs, chills gripping their skin – as she slowly looked up and Emily felt her breath falter. The once so lovely tender brown eyes were now drenched in a deadly colour of blackish gold, hard and mercilessly directed at her, utmost contempt and hatred staring at her out of those, now, lifeless eyes.

"What do you understand? What would you know of it?

You have no idea what it feels like, this hunger...", her words, which had started slowly, were coming in fast, hard sentences now, quick, like strives of a knife, sinking deeper into its victim's life with every murderous blow. Renesmee did not care who she hurt with her words. Her own anger and hatred pulsing so raw and wild in her, she could not bear it – the words has touched a sensitive point in her and the pain tore her apart – she needed release, she wanted to hurt, she wanted to cause pain in order to spare herself the pain. Though she knew, the pain she felt now – the pain she wanted to cause – , together with her hatred, would only be worse later; it was she herself she hated the most, it was she herself who deserved that pain and hatred the most. However, she was not ready to share the truth with them – they were humans, she thought contemptuously to herself, they could never bear the truth – and instead turned her hatred and anger towards the only person she could focus on now.

"Have you ever felt your victim twitch and fight in your arms? Have you ever felt his blood – this red gold – watering your mouth, driving you mad with hunger?", Renesmee had jumped up by now, and Emily backed away from her, the fear huge and raw in her wide eyes; the words came in yells and screams now, she had no longer control over her voice, she could no longer hold back the words she had wanted to say out loud for so long. They needed to be said. She needed an excuse for herself, for her actions, she needed a little bit more time before she would face her own conscience.

"Have you ever felt the shameful power, the lust for it? Have you ever felt a monster overpowering you?", Renesmee stopped from one moment to another in her wild screaming, she had suddenly become aware of the movement around her. The wolves had got up, now – though still in their human forms – slowly retreating into their defensive positions, their eyes focused on her, their nostrils heavily breathing. She did not doubt them to attack. It was then that she found his eyes; in contrast to his brothers and his sister Jacob had not fallen into a defensive position, he only stood there, staring at her, his brown eyes, once full of that love for her, were now filled with fear and suspicion.

She could not that look in his eyes.

She did not want to see the monster, that she was, reflected in his eyes.

However, defiant as she was, still so full of rage and hatred, she pushed that painful thought aside, turning towards Emily again who jumped in fear, backing away towards the wall even more.

"You don't understand a thing, so why don't you just kindly SHUT UP about things that you don't understand!", and with those words she threw the milk carton onto the floor, where it burst, the milking splashing in every direction, before she stormed out of the kitchen, and out of the house.


	4. Chapter 4

So, wow, I've never been _this_ quick with an update before, I think, but I just couldn't stop, the words were just magically coming to me. I must confess, though, hopefully without bragging too much that I am really proud of this chapter.

Hopefully you have just as much fun reading it as I had when writing it.

Don't forget, comments and reviews are food of love for my muse!

* * *

><p><strong><span>4. Heavy Silence<span>**

Jacob sighed heavily while he stared at the ceiling of his room, moving his body on the hard floor, trying to find a better, more comfortable – if that was even possible – position in order to be able to fall asleep. It was already half past two in the morning and he did not know when he had to take his next shift – for some days now, Jared had developed the annoying habit of quitting his shifts way too early in order to get back to his imprintee Kim. Speaking of imprintees...

He moved on the floor, rolling his body onto the side – ignoring that the hard floor rubbed painfully onto his skin – in order to look up to the girl who lay in his bed, apparently fast asleep. After her outbreak this morning, she had left the house for the rest of the day, no one knew where she had been. Although her scent had been in the air, if only vaguely, there still had been no trace of her whatsoever – she hadn't been in Forks, of that he was sure, Charlie would have called him already, telling him cheerfully that his granddaughter had paid him a visit, chatting excitedly about how much she had changed in such a short amount of time...

_God Bless Charlie's habit of shying away from questions you'd better not ask at all!_

However, she hadn't been in the reservation either, for he had to confess, though he was not extraordinarily proud of it, that he had neglected his duty of taking shifts in order to go looking for her; but he hadn't found her. It was as if she was gone again, again without a word of good-bye.

Then, as he had come home, walking towards his room, wishing his father a good night's rest, Billy had told him that Renesmee had come back a few hours ago; she had come back, she had taken a shower, a hot meal, and then went straight to bed. Jacob had hardly overcome that first shock when he had gone into his room, only to find that his imprint indeed had gone to bed, _his_ bed.

It deemed prudent in this moment to point out that he, Jacob, was not a gentleman incarnate; though he let her have his warm, comfortable bed, he did not so much as rejoice in the prospect of having to sleep on the cold, hard floor.

This was, however, only one reason why he was still awake at, _now_, a quarter to three in the morning. Jacob sighed again, trying to force his mind to calm down, but it kept popping up questions he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to be answered. He looked at Renesmee, who lay in his bed, her back turned towards him, as she had curled up in a ball, her knees probably pulled up against her chest – he remembered that it made her feel safe to sleep like that.

All of the sudden a move from the bed beside him tore him out of his thoughts and – his wish to sleep forgotten – he sat up, looking at Renesmee's back; she was obviously shaking. Was she still asleep, was she having a nightmare? However, the voices that came from her curled up body did not sound like she was still asleep, and Jacob wondered silently whether she hadn't pretended to be asleep all night long.

"Nessie? Are you awake?"

His question had been nothing but a quiet whisper but she had heard it nonetheless, as it seemed, for she immediately feel silent, the shaking stopped, as if she was too afraid to show that she was awake – as if she was too afraid to face him, and the questions he had on his mind. Jacob, however, had enough of her evading his questions, he wanted to know the truth, he deserved to know it – he had to know what had happened to her. Renesmee, though, tried at first to ignore him, she continued to pretend that she was asleep. However, he did not give up so easily this time; and after several minutes of him asking her consistently if she was awake, she finally gave in.

"Go back to sleep, Jacob. Or at least, let _me_ sleep."

Her words had come short and quick, though they sounded impatient rather than angry, which he – unfortunately – took as signal to press her even further on. She had only confirmed that she was awake, had she not? He was not giving up.

"What happened to you?" he asked, now with a more serious tone in his voice, emphasising his words, letting her know – letting her _feel_ – how much it meant to him to know what was wrong with her. He rather felt than really saw that Renesmee moved slightly uncomfortable in his actually pretty comfortable bed, and he knew that she had very well heard his question – if she, however, was going to answer it, well, that was a completely different matter. Several seconds passed them in silence, and Jacob, who had never been the most patient person in the world, cursed silent inside his head for her stubborn attitude.

"Was _he_ the one who gave you those scars? Is that what happened?" he asked, trying once more to get her to talk to him, and he could hear how she hissed sharply in the bed, her whole body appearing to stiffen in one small movement. He could literally see how she had pressed her eyes shut tight, like a little girl who tried to shut out the truth – was she going to block her ears with her hands next in order to deafen herself from his ongoing questioning? Still, she did not answer but he could feel the tension in the air that came from her body; it felt as if she, too, was desperate to let the truth be heard, however, she remained silent.

"Did _he_ bite you?"

Nothing but heavy silence answered him and he growled deep in his throat, anger was slowly but steadily welling up inside him, and for a moment he cursed her iron stubbornness; however, simultaneously, he felt a strange and painful pull in his side. He knew that her silence was indeed the only answer he needed, he could feel it, her silence confirmed his fears, and even more, it added more and more new dreads of what else she was hiding from him. Jacob, however, shook his head impatiently, rubbing his watery eyes – tears more of anger than of pain, at least, that's what he told himself – and continued pressing her on. He was never going to give up until he got his answers.

"I'm _tired_, Jacob."

Her words had come suddenly, however, they hadn't sounded as angry or unnerved as he would have expected them to be; on the contrary, they had sounded rather small and quiet, pleading even – it was unsure whether she had meant really being tired or being tired of him questioning her. He could have sworn to have heard tears blurring her words and he felt his heart skip a beat. He swallowed hard, feeling all of the sudden helpless, powerless and desperately torn between the two things he wanted most at the moment: getting to know the truth and comforting her. His imprinting made it an almost painful thing to see her in such a state of unhappiness, but he soon made the decision that telling the truth would most definitely – eventually, hopefully – lead to her being much happier, being _herself_ again.

"Answer me, Renesmee. I deserve to hear the answers." he asked again, though now, his words were saturated by a tenderness he wouldn't have known he was capable of. There was a move under the blanket and for a moment Jacob believed she would sit up and finally start to tell him the truth, but then, he was once again fooled. When she poke, for the last time in this night, her voice was hard as steel again, just as if she had changed her mind – she might have swayed before, torn apart between telling the truth and remaining silent, but in the end she stuck to her heavy silence.

"Believe me, you don't want to hear the answers."

Renesmee stared at the wall she faced (instead of facing him and those dreadful answers), she could hear Jacob growl behind her as he fell back to the floor again, finally giving up, she could feel his anger and despair, but she did not turn around. She knew, as soon as she started to utter even one word about what had happened, she wouldn't be able to stop...and Jacob wouldn't be able to bear it, he would be afraid of her, despise her, and he would see her as the monster that she really was: a Vampire like they all were, soulless killers. As she heard his breathing calm down, becoming deeper and more regular, she muffled her silent scream with her pillow, unbeknownst to Jacob who could not see her tears any more, for he was already fast asleep.

* * *

><p>It was not the first time Renesmee had experienced such dreams, to be perfectly honest, she recently experienced such dreams rather frequently; however, this was dream here was still different from all the others. Though the dream began just like they all did. At first, she found herself on that clearing in the forest, which separated Forks from the Quileute reservation, the very one where she had met him for the first time – and sure it did not take a long time for him to come back into her dreams again.<p>

She stood perfectly still, her heart racing fast and desperate as she waited for him to come closer. He smiled at her when he noticed her and without a second thought he stepped into the clearing: the light of the sun hit him with its fullest shine, making him glow in the brightness of his beauty and she sighed when she was, once again, overwhelmed and overpowered by his incredible beauty. A divine angel he was to her, dark in his beauty.

_Cillian_, she thought and he smiled appreciatively, assuring her that he had heard her – the dark angel came closer, leaving the distance behind that had separated them. She closed her eyes, not even trying to suppress the shivers that claimed her body when his hands – cold as the eternal ice – touched her face. His skin felt stone-hard and yet touched her with a gentleness that left her breathless; she felt him leaning into her, she held her breath, anxiously waiting – and then he pressed his lips onto her slightly opened mouth.

Sometimes, this was the point where the dreams stopped; sometimes it went even further.

He kissed her softly, carefully; his lips on her heated mouth felt like little drops of icy-cold water, rainbow-water, that left her breathless. For a moment, she remained calm before she lay her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, determined to warm up his cold, stony lips, determined to melt them down, to completely melt together with him. His arms, which had been quite passive before, embraced her now with a feverish desire – and she shivered again, when his body was now completely pressed against her; she could feel his icy, hard skin through her thin gown of satin colour. She did not shy away from the hot desire that was cold and hard pressed against her.

His lips left her yearning mouth now and he began to draw a path of fiery-cold kisses along her cheeks, and chin and down to her neck; with every inch he claimed she swallowed hard, her pulse racing faster and faster – she could not breathe. It took her a while then, her mind blurred with passion, to notice that his kisses started to lose their cold, icy touch; suddenly, they become considerably warmer, no, hot even – so hot it almost bordered on pain.

The dark angel slowly leant back and she could see his lips soiled with blood, her blood as he had tasted her red gold that he had torn out of her throat – she swallowed hard, shivering by the lust she could see in his eyes, the lust for her blood, and for her life; "Give yourself to me." her beautiful angel said and she was more than willing to yield to his wish.

But, then, all of the sudden, the expression on her lover's face changed; all the tenderness of the beast was gone, replaced by a look so murderous she felt fear for the first time claiming her skin in shivers. It was then that she realised, her dark angel was no longer looking at her, but staring at a point far behind her and automatically she turned in his embrace to see what his eyes were so grimly focusing at.

There, at the other end of the clearing, stood a wolf with a fur of russet colour, as big and ferocious as she would have never believed it to be possible. Dread claimed her thinking, and she would have screamed if the panic hadn't rendered her into this heavy silence. In her fear she clung to her dead lover, turning around only to find that he had gone, vanished just as quickly as he had appeared.

Instead of her dark angel, the russet wolf stood now in front of her, eyeing her with those all too human eyes, opening his big muzzle that yearned to devour.

She screamed in panic and fell to the floor; she could not move, she could not breathe, she could only wait, stiffened in dread, as the wolf approached her. With every move, that he came closer to her, she slowly let herself sink to the woody floor until she lay flat on her back, the wolf towering over her. The wolf opened his huge muzzle, a wild growl roaring out of those depths of abyss and teeth; and with that he threw himself upon her.

Renesmee awakened abruptly out of her dream; and though she was dizzy and overpowered by confusion, she still had enough presence of mind to muffle down her scream with her pillow. Fast and heavy breathing she stared at the wall opposite her for a long moment, her heart racing wildly in her chest before she could reassure herself that it had all been nothing but a dream.

Though her hands automatically wandered to her throat, feeling the slightly colder scar that burned there; that's where he had bitten her – and not just in her dream, as she knew. It had been a wonder, really, but due to her Vampire-side the venom appeared not to affect her, yes it had been a relief, or she would have been dead...or something different long ago. Not that this would have stopped him, she thought bitterly, not that he would have cared. Again, she tried to suppress the regret, welling up inside her, though with him a chance had also vanished: the chance to be complete, to be someone; to be something _completely_, and not just a monster neither one thing nor another – she was now nothing at all.

After her breathing started to slow down again she dared to look down to the floor, only to find – to her great relief – that Jacob was still lying there, still fast asleep. She sighed relieved, closing her eyes, taking a deep breath before she opened them again; the sudden darkness had made way for the silvery light of the mood that stole itself through the only window in the room. Through the glass she could see the shadowy contours of the edge of the forest and suddenly an old desire inflamed her thinking. Slowly she slid out of the bed in order to leave the house; and to be – at least for a short time – someone _completely_, surrendering herself completely to this other part of herself until the breaking of dawn.

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><p>Jacob was about ninety-nine point nine percent sure that this was a dream.<p>

Firstly, because Renesmee was in his dream – that was, to be perfectly honest, not something that hadn't happened before, actually he had dreamt rather a lot about her recently, or to be more precise, he had started dreaming about her when she had grown into becoming a woman – and she was merely clad in a beige gown of satin, which moved softly in the wind. The sun – another sign that this was a dream, sunshine in Forks, ridiculous – was in her back and appeared to shine right through her, making her glow, a divine goddess she was to him.

And secondly, he knew this was a dream because Renesmee was kissing him. Again, he could not pretend he hadn't had such dreams before or imagined what it would be like when she kissed him; and those dreams had only increased now that he had really kissed her. However, in his dreamy imagery her kiss had nothing in coming with the only kiss they had truly ever shared. There was no trace of chastity or shyness left in the way she pressed her lips on his mouth, hard and demanding she was, full of a desire he could hardly bear. He tried to slow her down, but she was not to be soothed; her lips burnt him, leaving his mouth dry and burning, her kiss rubbed his lips sore and sorer, until he felt blood in his mouth.

Still he was not able to free himself from her almost iron-like grip, he did not want to anyway, he was completely at her mercy; her kiss so forceful on his lips it had drawn blood and obedient as he was he opened his lips to her plea. He felt his body react to the intensity of their kiss, he moaned, growled deep in his throat, not sure whether he voiced those sounds only in his dream or in his room, in reality, as well. He did not care. His strong arms steadied her, kept her pressed tight against him, when she settled herself onto his lap, wrapping her legs around his hips, imprisoning him in her binding embrace.

They moved in unison now, though they were still decently clothed, they rubbed against each other and their little movements sent shivers down his spine; his breathing grew quick and flat, his hands roamed over her small back. Down, down, further south, and his fingers disappeared under her thin gown to not resurface again. He had never believed skin to be so soft, so warm, so conceptive to his touch; she shivered in his hands' touch, and they both moaned under their kiss, tasting each other's breath.

Then, her lips wandered on, leaving his mouth to slowly burn a path from his chin down to his neck; her mouth felt hot, almost unbearable hot, against his skin, like little electric impulses growing into lighting strikes that pinched the skin of his throat. He swallowed hard as he closed his eyes, leaving himself at the mercy of her lips as she kissed his constantly jumping Adam's apple. He was far too overcome with lust at this point and so it took him a while before realised that her hot kisses became even sharper and sharper to a point of exciting pain.

It was then that she slowly leant back and he opened his eyes, drunken with desire, to look at the woman he loved; her lips, passionately opened, welcoming, drenched in blood, _his_ blood – and sure he now noticed the two little holes in his throat, the red gold slowly streaming out of it. She smiled at him with all the love that the monster had to offer for his willing victim.

"Give yourself to me..."

Jacob awakened with a scream as he jumped up, his eyes huge, torn open, staring into the sudden darkness; the heart in his chest was racing in fear and – though he dreaded to acknowledge it – also in excitement, old sweat glued now cold to his skin. It took him some minutes to remember himself that it had all been just a dream, it wasn't real, it wasn't bound to happen; but still, it had felt real, all too real...

Before he knew what he was doing, Jacob, still breathing hard in the aftermath of that dream, flung his hands to his throat, and for a moment he actually feared to find his necking dripping wet of his own blood, but he was reassured once more. It was only a dream, it had been nothing but a dream. Although that knowledge calmed him down, slowly dispelling his fear, there was still a part of him, though he tried to ignore it, that actually felt disappointed as it became aware of that truth. Jacob, however, unwilling to think about what that was supposed to mean, shook his head, trying to get rid of such thoughts.

It was precisely in that moment when he realised that the bed, in which Renesmee had slept only a few hours ago, her back turned towards him, silent as the very wall she had chosen to face rather than him, this very bed was empty now. The hands that had reassured him before fell now uselessly into his lap; only a glimpse of a second passed, then – the panic rising in his chest – he suddenly jumped to his feet. His head flung from side to another, scanning his room from left to right, from up to down, but nothing, she was not here any longer. It took him only heartbeat then before he made his decision, and, without any other thought, Jacob stormed out of the house.

* * *

><p>It was surprisingly mild for this season – and for Forks in general – as he stood outside, the shadows of the edge of the forest towering up in front of him; but he wouldn't have frozen anyway. Jacob looked around for a moment, helplessly searching for a sign of his imprintee before he gave up his fruitless attempt and instead closed his eyes to surrender himself completely to his wolf senses. Behind his eyelids blurry images flashed up only to vanish again, some of them reminding him painfully at his dream, before he finally caught up the one scent he would have recognised in every situation.<p>

He slowly opened his eyes again, her scent like a nasal note in his noise, telling him exactly where to go and he only needed to follow her odour trail. Jacob did not even waste one more thought but started to run right into the thickness of the woods, which had only increased by the darkness of night. He did not care, he kept running, he had to find her. Soon it were only his wolfish instincts, his superhuman sharp eyes that kept him from getting lost between the myriads of oaks and willows.

But even if couldn't seen a thing, her scent would have led him towards her anyway.

While he was running he could not prevent his thoughts from wandering off to that strange dream that had disturbed his mind and had made his wake up so abruptly. He shook his head impatiently, trying to shake off the unwelcomed and dangerous thoughts that consistently attempted to creep back into his mind. The images were still too fresh, too raw burned into his brain that is was difficult to avoid thinking about them, and about what they meant.

He had seen the monster, that he deep down knew it– though he continuously denied the very idea – a part of her was, in his dream; and he had found himself in the very arms of that beautiful monster, being her willing victim. He could not deny that he desired her, but never before had he experienced a dream like this about her – never before had he pictured her as this deadly angel that devoured him in such a lovingly way. He knew it was wrong, completely wrong – _it was sick_ – though he could not deny that a part of him responded, not with disgust, but with a entirely different emotion to those imageries in his head.

Jacob tore himself out of those thoughts; her scent grew thicker and thicker now, drawing consistently closer to him, it couldn't be far now, she was so close he could almost feel her, sense her every move. He slowed down immediately, his steps becoming deliberately careful; he did not intend in giving away his presence too soon – after all, she had left without telling him, she so obviously did not want him here and he was not ready for another row with her.

It didn't take him long until he found her then; he passed the next two oaks and then she finally emerged out of the darkness of the forest at night. She crouched on the wooden floor, her body so low to the ground it almost vanished completely into the thick undergrowth, making it hard, even for him, to spot her right away. She had not heard him coming nor had she picked up his scent yet; for the moment she was still completely unaware that he was only a few feet away from her, watching her out of the distance.

She appeared, however, to be completely unaware of her surroundings anyway, for her attention was entirely focused on something different; Jacob stretched his neck, his look following into the the direction her bright eyes were staring. To his surprise, there, saturated on a fountain of silvery moonlight, which managed it to break through the trees' roof, stood a single, innocently looking deer. Jacob's eyes rushed back to Renesmee's figure who moved slightly on the ground, and even from that distance he could see how she closed her eyes, her nasal wings billowing in the scent she picked up.

He understood now why she had left him alone in his room: she was now on the hunt.

In response to that realisation, Jacob felt a huge urge of shame claiming his face in a red, hot colour, and he thought immediately about leaving. For nothing in the world he wanted to disturb her when she was hunting, for nothing in the world he wanted to observe her while she was about to kill, about to feed a hunger he sure the hell did not like to connect with the image of the lovely girl.

However, he did not leave. It was not only his shameful thought – after all, he had witnessed her doing so a hundred times, he himself had accompanied her to her very first hunting trips – that kept him from returning immediately to his house, and more importantly to his bed and possible dreams to come. No, it was the very thought about his dreams that almost glued him to the spot where he stood – transfixed he stared at her as he slowly sank down to his knees, lowering himself into a crouching position just as she had done it.

He felt like he was in a trance as he watched her and he closed his eyes, surrendering himself completely to his instincts, to his wolfish senses that allowed him to be even closer to her – and this closeness had nothing to do with the space that was between them. Behind his eyes, he could hear her heartbeat, hard and fast, pumping the blood through her veins and the adrenaline that strengthened her legs and arms, making her muscles contract in anticipation.

And then it all happened quite fast.

The innocent deer had only enough time left to raise its head in response to the sounds it felt rather than really heard, before Renesmee, with the elegance of a versatile, lethal killer, threw herself upon it. Jacob did not dare to look away, not even for a moment: he was determined to bear the sight of it, savouring the quintessence of those incredibly beautiful, dangerous, terrifying images in his mind forever.

For hours it seemed, she wrestled with the deer – he tried to suppress the thought that her prolonging the fight, she usually would have won within seconds as he knew she was a skilled predator, displayed her cruel desire to play with her prey's fear – until she finally pushed it to the ground. Its head lying in her lap, the neck deliciously presented to her teeth, a helpless victim to her hunger. But then something happened he had not expected.

Renesmee hesitated, she did not immediately plunge in for the kill, she waited; though she bended her head down several times as if she was finally going to take what she so desperately needed, in the end she could not bring herself to sink her teeth into her victim's flesh and to drink the blood, the very red gold, that pulsated hot and red in those veins. Instead, she caressed its soft fur in a fashion almost suitable for a lover's tender touch.

Jacob was completely taken aback by what he saw, he could not understand why she wasn't taking what she so obviously desired – not that he was particularly keen on watching the girl he loved drinking an innocent deer's blood, however, it was only an animal, not a human being, so there wasn't anything wrong with it, was it? Several minutes passed and nothing happened; Renesmee remained sitting on the ground, the deer's head lying in her lap – and then he heard it.

It was small, almost inaudible: she cried. Quiet sobs escaped her, though it was obvious that she fought to remain calm; she leant her head to the side and then he also saw, lighted by the moon that shone down on her, the silvery tears on her cheeks. Was she crying for the animal in her arms? Did she feel sorry for it? Why, she hadn't kill it, had she, so why crying for it?

Jacob was torn out of his thoughts when she made a sudden move, and from one moment to another, the deer was freed from her grip, not because the animal had managed it to fight itself out of her clutches – he knew fool well that no animal stood any chance against a predator like Renesmee – but because she had mercy on it and set it free. The deer swayed for an instant, unsure on his thin legs, probably still shaken by shock or still in the grip of its panic – and then, Jacob was surprised and shocked for the second time this night.

The deer did not run back into the safeness of the thick woods, it did not flee from its hunter; on the contrary, the animal, though careful and still visibly afraid, slowly walked towards her again. Renesmee on her part still crouched on the woody floor, looking at her former prey with an expression of utmost yearning, a desire of redemption: she stretched out one of her small hands, holding it out to the animal. The deer approached her, still full of fear and suspicion, the outstretched hand only mere inches away now; the animal sniffed at it, reassuring itself that there was nothing dangerous in that scent, it remembered that scent – and then, to Jacob's biggest shock, the deer licked at the outstretched hand of it former predator, what a willing prey it was.

Then it all happened very fast: the very hand she had outstretched mere seconds ago, the very hand the deer had licked in such a tenderly passion, this very hand grabbed the neck of the animal with an almost superhuman strength, pulling it towards the woody ground before she threw herself upon it. Jacob could not breathe; he could hear how she plunged her sharp teeth into the flesh of her prey which was still alive; it twitched and still tried to fight against her, its thin legs kicking in every direction, tearing her clothing apart, its squeals and cries voicing its fear, and shock and pain. Several minutes past, and slowly its fighting ebbed away, its heartbeat – which Jacob could fool well hear – slowed down and down, its cries and squeals gradually faded away until they eventually and completely died.

He was in a state of shock and he could not avert his eyes from Renesmee – who still had no idea that he'd watched her the whole time, for she had her back turned towards him – who continued to tear at the poor deer. She had to know by now that her prey was already dead, its blood already spent and yet she continued to suck at the wounds she had caused, always looking for the red gold she so desperately longed for. Terrified by what he had just witnessed he wanted nothing more than to run away; to be away from her far as possible, no distance seemed far enough to bear that terror he had seen.

Unbeknownst to his mind, confused and dizzied by panic and horror, he subconsciously moved backwards, not knowing where his feet led him and then it happened; the little, wooden twig burst under his foot's pressure – and in that very moment Renesmee's mouth left her victim and she instead focused now on him, with the eyes of a killer.

* * *

><p>For a long moment they just stared at each other. His eyes bearing an expression of utmost panic, his heart beating hard and fast in chest, pumping the adrenaline through his veins; myriads of thoughts flashed through his mind, but there was only one thought that burned brightly, oh so brightly in his mind: he was afraid of her. This felt wrong, he knew, he had never been afraid of her – and why would he, he had been on the hunt with for what felt like a hundred times and yet this here felt different.<p>

The Renesmee he knew had never killed slowly, and she surely had never played with her prey. This what he had just witnessed appeared like the cruelty of a childish mind; all that mercy, a staged act, lulling her prey into a false sense of security, earning its trust only to devour it nonetheless. Jacob could not speak, the images of how she had fed upon that helpless, fooled deer, such a murderous desperation – _it made him feel sick._

Renesmee meanwhile, the prey, now completely emptied of its essence of life, lying forgotten on the ground, got on her feet again; she looked at him with an expression he had never seen before on her face, an expression he could not read and this terrified him even more. Though his mind was completely paralysed by fear, he was still able to take her appearance all in. She was only clad in white cotton underwear, now dirtied with mud, the forest colours, and with blood – blood that was now slowly dripping from the corners of her mouth, dripping onto her white chemise; the white of her innocence now soiled with the colour of blood.

It happened then that she made a move towards him and he shied away from her; a moment passed them, he was breathing hard and flat while she looked at him still with this unreadable expression – was she rejoicing in his fear? – before she resumed to approach him, though now much slower. This time he remained completely still. He wasn't sure why he didn't run after what he'd just witnessed mere minutes ago, for he could not deny that he feared her in that moment. However, there was also another part of him, and this part did not feel fear when he stared at the woman – _now_ – in front of him, but something completely different.

It was this part of him that did not see the cruelty and violence coming from her, but the beauty that still made her glow in a light of perfection; she still looked breathtakingly beautiful, and seeing her like this, barely clothed, drunk with blood, sprinkled with blood, he felt a desire arising in him, both repulsing and fascinating alike. He remembered the dream he had experienced this night, and he felt all of the sudden magically drawn towards this goddess of blood and death. His glance fell upon her lips, now shining in a colour of bloody red, and he was inflamed with the burning wish to kiss them, and to taste that very blood on his own lips – in that moment, this very part of him would have given himself to her, willingly.

However, the other part of him still thought logically and he sensed the atmosphere of danger that was coming from her; and then, all of the sudden, she stretched out her arm, just like she had done it before with her last prey. Jacob did not twitch back, he stood perfectly still, waiting for her touch. Her fingers were surprisingly cool on his skin – he would have expected her skin to be much hotter after she'd satisfied her hunger – as she first caressed his cheek, almost in a fashion of love; and then her fingers wandered on, only to caress his lips now.

There eyes met in the darkness of the night. Did she expect him to lick her fingers, too, offering her his trust, his very life, willingly becoming her prey? Or was he the predator now, the tamed wolf who licked the innocent deer's fingers before he devoured it? His dream came back to him, its sensual, tempting imageries forcing themselves into his mind again, and automatically he twitched back from those pictures. When he found her eyes again he was shocked to see an expression of utter pain in them, for she interpreted his backing away from her as a reaction to her closeness: that he despised her very touch, for she was the monster he so passionately hated.

And the last thing he saw, before she turned around, running deeper into the woods, running away from him, leaving him alone with his thoughts again, where her brown eyes, now full of tears, shame and pain, the pain of rejection.

What happened to her?


	5. Chapter 5

So, peeps, here it is, Chp.5 (it's a bit shorter than usual, but I think you'll hardly notice) and it's getting more and more tensed: Nessie turns out to have authority problems with Jacob and slowly we recognise the plan behind Renesmee's nasty behaviour.

So check it out! Chp.6 will be finished asap.

Have fun! And as always, Reviews and Comments keep me writing!

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><p><strong><span>5. The Lion's Roar<span>**

Whatever had happened in the woods between them in that night, none of them dared to even mention it, and so the next days passed the both of them in this well-known heavy silence that now appeared to define their once so lively relationship. However, only because neither of them spoke about the incident in the forest – or about their dreams either – didn't mean they could avoid that topic completely. Sure enough, Jacob could not keep his thoughts from wandering off to the images in his head, for it had been up to him to wash her clothes, torn apart by her fight with deer, soiled with that blood from her feast.

That he had witnessed her going on the hunt had deeply disturbed him, shaken him down to his very core; but those images of blood and violence were still too raw, too fresh for him to decide how he really felt about what he had just seen. However, even more than the images in his head, another, much more smaller question continued to pop up in his mind: Was it possible that she had been hunting, too, on that day after she'd stormed out of the Emily's kitchen?

The question, though simple and apparently unimportant, managed it run shivers down his spine. If she had been indeed on the hunt, twice on the same day, where did that enormous hunger come from? Sure, he knew that a part of her was a Bloodsucker, and clearly he was aware that this was what Bloodsuckers naturally did – but, before she had left him, she hadn't had such an appetite. Of course, he could not deny that she had matured considerably on her time away, though only mentally, but how could that explain this new, insatiable hunger for blood?

All this thoughts led him, one way or another, always back to the question of what had happened to her when she had been away. What had happened to her that had turned the once so lovely, a little naïve girl into this bitter and angry woman? What had happened to her, what had whipped that lovely smile off her face she had usually worn all the time and replaced it by this expression of rejection and, sometimes, even shame? The questions felt like seeds that had been planted into his mind, and slowly but steadily those seeds infected his mind with thoughts and images, both terrifying and confusing.

This time away had changed her, turned her into a completely different person – though he refused to believe it, still hoping for the old Renesmee to pop up into those deep brown eyes again, looking at him with this familiar smile that had always managed it to create this wonderful easiness between them. Now, however, nothing of that was visible any longer. The girl he loved had turned into a cold, bitter, gruff woman who looked like she had never known how to smile.

Being around her was no longer creating a feeling of natural happiness inside him, it almost pained him. He was not the only one, though, who noticed her change. Renesmee always used to treat the Pack like a second family, no, like being just another part of her big family (she had always rejoiced in the fun of giving the Pack new, odd names, just like _Brothers-in-Paws_). Now, however, she barely spoke to anyone of them any more, shutting herself out more and more, seeking the loneliness of her own thoughts and haunting memories.

Of course, he could see fool well what she was doing. Perhaps if he hadn't been Jacob Black, if he hadn't had this little Wolf-issue that appeared every time a Bloodsucker moved into their territory, perhaps then he had been too innocent to notice what she was doing – however that wasn't the case.

Back then, in those good old days when he had tried to distance himself from Bella, these days when she still hadn't known (or rather hadn't been aware, for subconsciously she already knew) what he was, he'd acted just as Renesmee was doing it now. She, now, tried to scare people off, making herself as unpopular as possible, distancing herself more and more.

Obviously she was doing it because she thought of herself as being dangerous. Jacob snorted contemptuously, rejecting the very idea; the Renesmee he knew was not dangerous, she wouldn't hurt a fly if she could help it. However, there was also another part in him – and this part had grown particularly stronger after what he'd witnessed there in woods in the middle of the night – that could not deny that she had indeed a sense of danger around herself. Yes, a part of him felt that she was dangerous, although he tried to fight off such thoughts with all the logic he had. The Renesmee he knew was not dangerous and he knew it.

Yes, the Renesmee he knew; but the woman he had seen in the forest had absolutely nothing in common any more with the girl he had once known, and loved. In the end, it all came back to this one question: what had happened while she had been away? What was this secret she so desperately tried to keep from all of them, and mostly from him? It was this question that kept him awake all night, that made him grow suspicious whenever he was in her company; and he knew as long as this question wasn't answered he could no longer deny that she was indeed dangerous.

* * *

><p>Several days had passed since that night in the woods, and still no one dared to talk about it, though it was undeniable that it seemed to have had an effect on both of them. While Jacob had grown suspicious on her, almost staying awake all night in order to watch her – watching as she left the house every night, probably in order to hunt – she, however, had developed quite a different, even more annoying habit. Jacob walked into his kitchen, his father sitting with his wheelchair, together with Seth, at the table, greeting him with a weak smile, before both their eyes went to Renesmee again.<p>

The Hybrid sat there at the table in all her glory – clad in blue jeans shorts, a white chemise under a pale lilac blouse, _bare_ _feet_ – and took a content pull on her cigarette; blue vapour completely filling the air, though she did not seem to care, not even when Seth and Billy coughed several times, quite obviously pointing out that they disliked her new won habit, _or_ behaviour.

"Since when are you into smoking?"

Jacob asked the question with a slightly angry undertone in his voice which she surely did not miss, however, she did not even gave him so much as a sign of a greeting – she did not even expend the effort to look up to him – before she answered.

"Since now.", her voice had been impatient, almost sounding angered; it cost him some effort to not yell at her that she did not have any right to be cross with him because of that; if someone had the right to be pissed it was most definitely him or Billy. But Jacob did not scream at her, her strategy was now far too obvious to him to misinterpret as the simple rowdy phase every teenager went through – he knew very well what he was really aiming at. However, he was not willing to give in; she would not scare him off, she would not succeed in driving a wedge between him and her.

"Listen, Nessie, this can't go on like this..."

"I'd like to keep it the way it is, thank you very much."

For a moment, he, Jacob was – just like Billy and Seth – too struck down by shock to counter anything to her heartless comment. She hadn't even looked up as she had punched those words into his face. Again, it cost him all his strength in order not to yield to the sudden anger that exploded in him – why was it so easy for her to make him overreact, why was it that everything she did or said angered him so much more than all the others things his brothers or his sister had done? Well, that could be easily answered, couldn't it, because he felt emotionally so much closer to her than to any other living person on this planet.

"I've decided that you will go back to school. You should definitely graduate."

The idea hadn't been his own, to be perfectly honest, Emily and and Billy had suggested it yesterday (Renesmee had been away again all day – he feared that she had been hunting again) and though he wasn't so keen on the idea of seeing even much less of her than now – not to forget the problem if she was even capable of attending school, after all, when she was on the hunt every day (and sometimes even twice a day) then it wasn't probably the safest idea in the world – he had agreed.

However, he knew she had socialise again in order to become the old Renesmee who seemed still lost under that mask of this strange woman in front of him; even if he had to force to get in touch with people again.

"And why would I do that? I already know more than any of those bumpkins at that _school_ – and I surely know more than you ever will, though that's not that difficult, is it?

Well, what else can you expect from a 24-years-old bachelor who still lives at his Father's."

Both Billy and Seth gaped at that answer, unwilling to believe what she'd just heard, unwilling to believe that Renesmee – the little toddler who had made the laugh so many times – was actually capable of hurting so precisely, as if it weren't just words she used but deadly sharp blades. Their eyes immediately went to Jacob, who – never being good at hiding his feelings or tempering them – had gone red all over his face, his face reddening in an anger he could hardly contain any longer.

However, he decided not to react to provocation, instead he pulled out the last ace he had up his sleeve.

"If _your_ _father_ knew how you are thinking about your school education, he wouldn't be so pleased, believe me.", Jacob had chosen his words carefully, deliberately stressing the phrase _your father_, and he could see that the effect was more than satisfying. She slowly turned her head towards him, and though right now she hot the most deadliest, nastiest look back at him, he did not twitch back from her – though the wolf in his head growled _Caution_ and _Danger_ at him.

He only smiled at her, not feeling the least guilty for stooping so low, taking triumph in the knowledge that the thought of her parents being hurt by behaviour still led to such a sensitive reaction. It showed him that she at least still cared about the people she loved; the Renesmee he had known and loved was not completely lost, she was still somewhere in the woman sitting in front of him, buried under that mask of bitterness and anger. He was not giving up.

However, she then simply snorted in quite a contemptuous way before she took another content pull on her cigarette and the little glimpse of what had once been _his_ Renesmee vanished behind that woman again. His little moment of triumph was over, and he knew it. She turned away from him again, it small but cruel and false smile decorating her perfectly formed lips, before she spoke again with that cold, hard voice – words only said to mock him, hurt him.

"You are not my father, Black. Nor am I any of your puppy dogs.

So would you kindly _fuck_ off and stop bossing me around?"

Whatever Renesmee had hoped to cause with her words, it most certainly wasn't that. Jacob finally lost it, his temper, which had been rising all the time, was exploding now and he eventually snapped. Without so much as another word he lunged for her and grabbed her arm, tearing her out of the chair, putting her harshly in front of him. It all had happened so fast she couldn't have fought him off – not that he was so much stronger than her, but the moment of surprise had simply overpowered her – and now his large hands, that still got hard and merciless grip on her arms, bound her to the spot.

"Stop it. Now." he simply said after a while, it had taken him some time before had been able to speak at it all, and even as he formed the words his voice with barely contained anger. Renesmee looked at him with an expression of anger, too, though her heart raced so wildly in her chest, not so much out of anger, but more out of fear that she had finally crossed this line. He stared at her, his eyes flashing with fury, and he shook lightly, but no, he had himself under control, he would not phase right here and now – and least, that's what he told himself.

"Right, first of all, you will _stop_ talking to me like that, understand?" he said, and slowly his voice calmed down with every word he uttered, though the shaking of his body still hadn't completely stopped, "Secondly, true, I am not _your_ _father_, but your parents left you in my responsibility when they agreed to leave you here. So you will do what I tell when I tell you, understand?"

For a moment she stared at him as if she was actually afraid of – though he could see in her eyes that her anger quarrelled with her fear; the anger would definitely win – and he risked to look down as he finally released her arms out of his hands' grip. To his shock he could see how deep red spots, just were his large hands had grabbed her, started to spread on the skin of her arms – he must have hurt her. Jacob looked up again, an expression of sorry in his eyes, but her face did not show so much as a sign of pain, maybe she was still too proud, too stubborn to allow him to see it.

"Make me do it then, Black."

When she spoke her words sounded just as hard and merciless as before, just as if the pain in her upper arms wouldn't burn right through her flesh – not so much out of physical pain, much more out of emotional pain, though she did not give him the pleasure of showing it. She took another deep, content pull on her cigarette, slowly blowing the smoke right into his face in order to provoke. For a moment Jacob held her gaze, their visual battle only interrupted and lost when he blinked frantically, caused by the smoke.

"Lap dog." she said contemptuously and the last thing he saw of her before she walked out of the kitchen was that bloody, triumphant smile on her perfectly voluptuous lips. Jacob was frozen with fury but did not give her pleasure to turn around and look back at her; at least he'd got a little self-esteem left. Both Billy and Seth gaped at him, Jacob's _third-in-command_ in particular, never before had he seen his _Alpha_ taking such words without immediately lashing out. A moment passed them in complete silence, and then Jacob finally snapped – unfortunately for the poor kitchen table that just happened to be in the way.

"Jacob!" both Seth and Billy exclaimed, but Jacob did not hear them, his anger deafened him and he turned to the door, still wide opened, only to see Renesmee vanishing between the trees again.

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><p>Jacob, feeling guilty for the consequences of his outbreak, had worked the rest of the afternoon in order to repair the damage he had done to the old kitchen table – he knew how much his father loved that table, had he not always mumbled something about a family heirloom. Though Jacob did not really see anything valuable in that so-called family heirloom he still repaired it nonetheless.<p>

Renesmee hadn't returned for the rest of the day, and now that the twilight was already approaching he did not doubt her to stay in the forest for the upcoming night – undoubtedly being on the hunt again. He was not particularly keen, to be honest, to cross her path all too soon again – the memory of their last meeting still too raw, too fresh and he wasn't looking forward to fight with her again.

However, faith got other plans, as it seemed.

Jacob had just set up the table in the kitchen again, admiring his hard work, silently praising himself for his masterpiece of work when a sudden noise tore him out of his thoughts. He looked up, but no one had entered the kitchen – so where had this sound been coming from then? His wolfish immediately clicked on and concentrated on what his senses told him; and his sharp things instantly picked up two things: first, there was the sudden and fresh smell of blood and second, he definitely heard someone cry just outside.

With a strange and bad premonition he left his kitchen and stormed outside – and the picture that opened itself up to him was like nothing he had ever seen before. There outside, sitting on top of his old truck, was Renesmee; the last rays of the sun shone right through her and lighted the scenery: her clothes were torn apart, her bronze air wild and damp, glued to her skin, and there was blood. The red gold appeared to be just all over her – and he wasn't entirely sure how much of it definitely belonged to her; several very bloody and nasty cuts and bruises marked her arms and legs, even her perfect face, blood sprinkled all over her clothes, and there was blood slowly dripping down from the corners of her mouth.

She appeared to not have seen or otherwise noticed him yet and slowly he approached her, though his imprinting compulsion urged to rush over to her immediately, to pick her up into his arms, to comfort her, protect her, to make it right again. He was then only a few feet away from her any more when her voice suddenly sounded.

"Stop." she said, and though it had been only a small whisper, it felt like she had screamed a strict command at him; and he naturally followed her command, immediately freezing in his movements. It was in that moment when their eyes finally met; there was something oddly strange in her look, fear he could detect, yes she was afraid, scared to death even, totally struck down by panic. But apart from that desperate fear he could also see something else in her look, there was a hunger in her eyes that made cold shivers run down his back.

What had happened to her?

"Don't come any closer...", when she spoke again, her words were even harder now, and the words she'd uttered were like a warning; it was a command, like the _Alpha_ male voice, and he did not have the power to fight it. So, obedient as he was to her, he followed her command, freezing on his spot, not daring to move a toe, not even daring to breathe. For a moment, they both remained in complete motionlessness; and then, she finally gave up her statue-like behaviour and jumped off the truck.

She did not waste so much as a look on him before she slowly walked, or rather humped, inside.

Jacob could not move nor think for several more minutes, he just stood there, outside his house, the coming darkness of twilight illuminating him, before he frantically shook his head, freeing himself out of his trance-like situation und hurried inside.

He went straight for his room and found her sitting on his bed; she was trying to get rid of her ripped-apart clothes, trying to pull of the pale, lilac blouse, and though she failed several times, she did not give up attempting to take off those clothes, soiled with blood. He crouched in front of her, trying to help her, but again and again she pushed his helping hands away, full of an almost angry impatience. They both struggled for several more moments, until he gripped her almost too hard by her arms, keeping her still – and she froze immediately.

"What happened to you?" he demanded to know from her, but again she looked straight past him as if she wasn't even aware of his presence; he could feel her whole body shake and – being concerned that he was hurting her – he loosened his grip on her a little bit. However, he did not intend on releasing her completely, he wanted answers – he needed answers.

"Renesmee, answer me."

His words had been firm and demanding, though they were sprinkled with his concern for her; and this time it seemed that his words had breached her invisible walls. She slowly looked up to him, the expression in her eyes very much the same she had worn just outside the house, though there was now a much greater deal of panic in her look – and there was shame.

"I nearly killed a human today..."

Her voice was small and scared again; gone was the tone of command, her fragile shape shook almost violently in his grip and he tried to process the words she'd just said.

"What?" he almost screamed his question, she flinched under his aggressive, shocked tone and immediately her glance fell down on her shaking hands, which grabbed desperately in the fabric of his shirt. Her eyes went wide, her body stiffened in panic, as she continued her explanation.

"I was on the hunt..." her voice trailed off, her eyes staring into nowhere-land while her fingers gripped his shirt's fabric so hard that he felt her nails scratching his skin. She had been hunting – _again_? Why did she have to go hunting all the time? Where did this intense hunge for blood come from? What had happened to her that she couldn't last a day without the taste of fresh, hot blood on her tongue?

"...I was so focused...I smelled his blood...I...", Jacob was torn out of his thoughts when she continued speaking, unaware that he had been captured in his thoughts for some moments now. Her tale painted a picture in his head of her stalking through the woods, and he literally see in his mind how her head flung to the side, her nostrils blowing hard, picking up that tempting scent, luring her to taste the forbidden fruit. At first, he thought of telling her to stop, he didn't want to imagine himself – encouraged by her breathless words – how she threw herself upon her defenceless human victim, but then he remembered, she had said that she had _almost_ killed a human.

"I ran off, looking for an animal...and I found this bear...", at this point she immediately stopped talking, her head shot up and she met his confused look; he swallowed hard as she hold his intense gaze. He could it in her eyes just as if she had screamed it right into his face: she had already revealed too much. Jacob slowly lowered his head, his eyes again looking over her skin, soiled wit bloody scars and bruises, and certainly now he could recognise that he wounds bore the suspiciously likeness of a bear's claw. In his mind's eye he could not but see the picture forming itself out of his imagination; her fragile shape trying to fight off the ferocious, massive animal. The very thought of it made him grow sick – she looked so filigree, so vulnerable...

Jacob shook his head violently and in order to get rid of that terrifying image in his head – the thought alone of her being ripped apart by a bear made his heart ache in a well-known pain – he directed his mind towards a question which had just popped up inside his head.

"How does it come you never get hungry when you're with me?"

There was a dead silence between them and Jacob feared, if only for a second, what kind of answer she would give him. He could not understand it; why had she been tempted by a complete stranger's blood, who had been possibly miles away from her, but whenever she was with him she never so much as shown any signs of feeling interested in his blood's scent at all? She held his intense gaze and for a long moment she actually considered of telling him truth – he could see it in her eyes – but then she changed her mind. She knew she could never tell him the truth – she knew she had to hurt him, hurt him in order to save him from that monster, from _her_.

"Well, that's easy. Your dog-stink naturally repulses me.", she countered, forcing her words to sound as hard as steel, contemptuous and cold; though she did not have the heart to look him in the eyes and to see the impact that her cruel words had on him. Jacob stared at her for a second before his throat escaped a most ferocious growl, his usually warm eyes hardened in anger and pain, and without so much as a glimpse of pity for her wounds he pushed her away from her. He did not look back as he stormed out of the house, getting as far away from her as possible.

Renesmee lay on the bed for some long, silent minutes, staring numb and yet full of pain up to the ceiling, tears burning in her eyes and soon she had to close them. She slowly rolled to the side, before she curled up into a small ball of shaking flesh and clothes, her knees pulled up against her chest, her arms wrapped around herself. She rocked herself, forth and back, and it wasn't long before the tears finally came freely and she did not even bother holding them back any longer.

_If he only knew_, she thought, _if he only knew how much she craved for his blood._ He would not be able to bear it, he would not bear to even look at her, always afraid to see that monster in her flashing in her eyes. She had told him that she was not attracted, but repulsed by his blood, but though it was a lie, it had been a necessary one, and she knew it, even if she wished she could simply call him back and tell him the truth.

But, what good could it do her, or him, if she told him that she could hardly stand being near him? What good could it do them if she confessed that whenever he was near her his blood was calling for her? What good could come from her confessing that she dreamed, night after night after night, of tasting his blood, of him devouring him? Renesmee knew the answers to those questions, and while she rocked herself in her own embrace, trying to prevent herself from falling apart by the sheer pain of this truth, the answers echoed in her head, over and over again, slowly driving her mad: There was no good coming from her sharing the truth with him. He would be scared, repulsed, he wouldn't be able to bear it, he would flee from her, finally seeing that she was indeed nothing but a monster.


	6. Chapter 6

So, hey folks, here is Chp.6!

I must warn you though; some of you may have been curious why this story had an M-Rating, well, THIS chapter is one reason for it.

**It's getting really heart-breakingly dramatic, and yes, violent in this chapter.**

Still, have fun reading it; and please Review and Comment!**  
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><p><strong><span>6. Destruction is the name of Love<span>**

Jacob stirred up in the middle of night, his eyes popping open as he watched Renesmee slip out of his bed, trying to be as quiet as possible as she made her way past him, straight towards the door.

Several days had passed since that incident with the bear, since she had sat on top of his truck, covered in blood, cuts and bruises, since she had hurt him with words, words so much worth of a real Bloodsucker. He had been hurt, angered, he could not deny it – however, his anger soon vanished, replaced by the fear of what she was doing all the time when she was gone. It hadn't been just the days; she also spent a great deal of time of her nights roaming around – _God only knew where she went or what she was doing. _

The day of the bear, or rather the day she had almost killed a human, had shown him that her renewed thirst for blood was even more dangerous than he'd thought at first. He feared to think of her as a murdering Bloodsucker but her behaviour had planted thoughts in his mind he couldn't shut off any longer. He needed proof, he couldn't live with the possibility of her becoming murderous, he needed to prove himself that she was still _his_ Renesmee, her hands still clean from human blood.

This fear, and the desire to deny this possible truth, had made him watch her step; he even stayed up all night, watching her sleep, watching as she got up every night, leaving the house, vanishing into the darkness of night. This night, as he saw her now creeping towards his door, was not different from all the other nights; and yet this night – though none of them knew this at this point – would make all the difference.

"Where are you going?"

His voice broke through the darkness and she immediately froze in her movements; she hadn't known that he had been awake, but slowly the truth sank in: he must have watched her, watched her every night, knowing – or at least, guessing – what she was going to do. He was suspecting her. The thorn of betrayal hit her painfully, nagging at her heart, knowing that he did not trust her any more, but she shook off those unwanted feelings – it was better this way, after all, better for both of them, wasn't it?

Jacob looked at her, she still had her back turned towards him and she did not make any movements to turn around to him; he hardly dared to breathe as the minutes passed them in silence. He knew she had heard him, her body stiffened and he knew that she was thinking, probably considering her chances of how to get out of this. For a moment he thought she would simply go and leave him behind, but then –

"Come on and see for yourself then."

Her voice had been soft and yet dark, almost nothing more but a whisper; she hadn't even turned around when she gave him her answer, only a little movement of her head to the side showed him that she really invited him to follow her through the night. Jacob swallowed hard, taking a deep breath before he got up, not caring to put on a shirt – he wasn't going to feel the cold anyway.

He followed her outside the door as she led him right into the woods, deeper and deeper into the darkness, cutting their way through the thickness of the forest, passing the trees which watched them darkly as they walked through this woody empire. Jacob was nervous, unsure of what to expect, he was afraid of what the destination of their little journey would be. Cold shivers ran down his back, he dreaded that she would force him to watch her when she was going on the hunt again.

He knew now he wouldn't bear to watch that side of her once more.

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><p>To his utmost surprise, however, she had suddenly bended off to the right, leading them to the edge of the forest, closer and closer to the cliffs his brothers always used to jump off. This had confused him even more – was she going to dive into the cold depths of the black water beneath them, was this the reason why she had come here? But Renesmee hadn't even so much as wasted a look upon the water, instead she had immediately started to climb down the steep wall of stone under his feet. Jacob had not hesitated for a moment before he'd followed her, always staying close enough to her in order to catch her before she could have fallen. A fear, completely different to the one he had felt in the forest only minutes ago, had grabbed his heart so hard he could barely breathe.<p>

Now, after their descent, after what had felt like hours of exhausting climbing and his straining concern for her to fall down, they had finally reached their final destination. They stood in front of a cave right under the cliffs and Jacob was surprised none of his brothers or his sister had found or mentioned that cave before. Renesmee, however, did not stand still to watch in amazement; she had been here what felt like a thousand times – this place presented not so much as amazement for her.

Without warning she stepped inside, and Jacob, without thinking of the consequences, followed her. For a moment, he was surrounded by complete darkness, darkness so thick it pressed almost painfully onto his eyes and he couldn't see her any more; however her breathing assured him that she hadn't left him, she was still with him, there in the blackness of the cave.

At first, because his eyes were blinded by the darkness, he picked up this unnatural scent which quickly turned into stink. His senses, his wolfish instincts, immediately twitched back from that smell, telling him exactly what it was even before his eyes had accustomed to the darkness, forming the dreadful image that was destined to burn itself into his mind. There, in the middle of that mysterious cave, was what seemed like a hill, but the foul smell of blood in the thick air told him what it really was. It was a hill of old, rotting carcasses, myriads of dead animal bodies – does, and rabbits, and bears – some of them torn apart, some sprinkled with dark, dried blood. Jacob shielded his mouth with his hand, partly dreading to show off his weakness and to throw up, partly because he knew what this all meant. It were trophies, bloody memories, memories of amusement for her inner monster.

"What you think?"

Her voice sounded strained and tensed, and he took a deep breath before he turned around, not even trying to wipe that look of shock off his face. She stood several feet away from him, her whole body stiffened and he could see that she was violently shaken; he could sense how much effort it must have cost her to look up and hold his gaze, probably full of that repulsion she so feared.

It would have been so easy for him now to simply hate and despise her for what she'd done: she hadn't killed those innocent animals purely in order to feed herself, no, she had killed out of the pure lust to kill, the lust for pain and blood and a cruelty that her beautiful face couldn't even express. However, there was something in the way she looked at him – her brown eyes widened in fear and shame, buried under a look that tried to display coldness and contempt – that told him otherwise, it was her whole body language that told him she was not the murderous killer she presented herself to be.

It was an act and he knew it. She was trying to scare him off by proving him that she was nothing but a killer, nothing but a danger to him and everyone else – but why? Why was she doing it?

"I'm not afraid of you, Nessie."

His words had been soft, his answer simple but it expressed so much more than just his trust for her; his brown eyes shone darkly in his love for her, but she could not or did not want to see it. Instead her face contorted in a mask of pain and horror, she let out a sound of utter shock and desperation before she put on her mask again that hid every emotion behind severity and coldness. But she would not fool him, not any more.

"Oh, I can change that. I definitely will.", she didn't dare to meet his eyes as she spoke those words, a threat rather than a warning, her voice as hard as steel, cold and provoking. A wave of fear washed over him as she said those words, making them sound as if she really meant them; but he shook off that ridiculous emotion of fear. She would not frighten him, he wouldn't let her.

"Why? Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to frighten me off?"

At his questions her head suddenly shot up, her brown eyes, not soft and warm, but cold and hard, narrowed to angered slits, glared at him; her nostrils blew in fury and he could hear her breathing go wild and flat. He could see the impatience flashing in her eyes, the shock that he still dared to withstand her attempts to scare him off. She couldn't believe it, it fed her anger and yet there was a part of her – though she consistently tried to ignore that part in her – that had actually hoped for him to defy her attempts to turn his love for her into the hate she so desired him to feel for her. But as she spoke again, she did not settle on that hope, instead she made her voice sound thick and raw with fury and cold-hearted hatred. She needed him to see that monster in her, she needed him to understand that there was no love possible for a beast like her, she needed him to hate, to despise her – she needed to save him, even from herself.

"Because _I_ am _dangerous_. I am a monster. All the others have already picked up the hint. But you...

I always thought the Wolf in you would give you a much more decent survival instinct than the one that the other humans have, but still...

You're still standing here, looking at me like that...", she stopped at this point, taking a deep breath, trying to calm her breathing which had gone hard and flat; her eyes narrowed to little slits as she focused on him. This was the turning point, and he could feel it, every new word aggravated her even more, agitating herself with every word she spat at him. She couldn't stop any more, the fury inside her had consumed her to a point where she no longer cared if she hurt him.

"I am a monster – even when I was still a baby, still in my mother's womb, I sought to destroy, I sought to kill.", Jacob stared at her, shocked by her words, and she appeared to sense his confusion, "Did you think while I was away I was only with him? No, I have left him soon enough and paid my other family a little visit; as it turned out you were not the only one keeping things from me."

He felt the pang of pain aching in his heart, her once so warm brown eyes now full of black hatred and fury; yet through all her anger he still felt a pain, so hard he could not bear to hold her gaze any longer. In that moment he felt it; all that hatred in her look was not reserved for him: it was she herself she hated the most.

"They told me everything, how my own father hated me for what I did to my mother.

How even _you_ hated me, how you even planned to _kill_ me for what I did to her.

I broke her bones, sucked the life out of her – I killed her.

That's the only thing I was born for: to kill.

That's the only thing I can: destroy, kill, nothing more."

From one moment to another, then, she stopped, and the sudden silence between them was only disturbed by her heavy breathing; it took him a while before he found to courage to look up and meet her eyes and when he did, it knocked the air out of his lungs. There she stood, the perfect image of a killer, and yet she was broken; her eyes full of the hatred she felt for herself and for what she did. Jacob felt like that she had never before shared her feelings of shame and self-contempt with anybody, and he could see how much effort it must have cost her to reveal them.

He himself could hardly understand what it must feel like for her, being afraid of yourself, of what you have done, hating yourself for what you are and what you are capable of. Was that the reason why she had looked for the bear instead of killing a human – could it be possible that her cuts and bruises had come from her not even trying to defend herself? Had she tried to punish herself for what she had almost done? Had she tried to get herself killed?

"Yes, I am monster, Jake."

"No, you're not. I know what you are. You are _my_ Renesmee and nothing – _nothing_ – will ever change that.", her words had torn him out of his thoughts and his heart pumped hard and fast in his chest; he could no longer remain silent. His counter had been sudden and passionate, and he had meant every single word of it; he knew he could never bring himself to fear her, or to hate her – and there was nothing that could change his feelings for her. How could she not see that? In his eyes she was not the monster she pretended to be – in his eyes she was perfect, she was still _his_ Renesmee.

Renesmee looked at him while she shook her head, unwilling to believe his words, she knew they could never be true, she could not believe that he still felt for her this way, after all the things he had seen her doing, after what she had just shown him tonight. No, it was nothing but a lie – she knew in his eyes every Vampire was only another murderously dangerous Bloodsucker, and why should she be any different, right?

No, he would change his mind, she knew it, like all the others, he wouldn't be able to bear what she really was, what she'd done, he would flee, he would fear and hate her. Soon he would understand.

"That's easy for you to say. Now. But if you knew...if you only knew..."

"Then tell me! If you are so keen on frighten me off, if you so badly want me to hate you...

Why not just telling me? Tell me what happened! Come on, what are you waiting for?"

Renesmee twitched back from his hard words, he looked at with daring eyes, provoking her to reveal her darkest secrets, begging her to share her inner monster with him – and she knew this was the moment. Here she had the chance to tell all those things, showing him why she could no longer be _his_ Renesmee, proving him that she was indeed dangerous, murderous, nothing but a carnivore incarnate. Proving him that even his feelings for her would change in the face of her sins.

However, then something happened she hadn't seen coming; just in the moment where she willed herself to reveal her darkest side – she had already opened her mouth to say the terrible truth – a small voice started to cry inside her, begging her to remain quiet.

"I can't."

Her voice had been small and thick of all the emotion that battled inside her; her eyes hidden from his look that went so much deeper, seeing so much more. It was in this moment that she realised that she couldn't tell him, she couldn't tell him what she had done. Her heart broke upon the prospect of him seeing her as a monster, turning away from her, unable to bear her darkest secrets; fearing her, hating her. She dreaded his feelings for her to change, and though she knew his feelings had to change if she wanted to save him from her inner monster, she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Tell me..."

She heard him begging her to speak of what she had tried so hard to hide from him and she looked up, meeting his eyes and she saw all that love reflected in them, a love she knew she didn't deserve and yet she found herself desiring to be the object of that very love. Back then she had left Jacob because she had feared his feelings for her, now she twitched back from him, fearing his feelings for her to change and fade away. What was happening to her? Why was it so hard for her to let go of his feelings for her? Why was it so hard for her live with the thought of him hating her? Why did her heart break at the thought that he would never look at her like this again, like she was the light of his world? She could not understand it, she did not want to understand it.

"No, I-I need to be alone...", and with her words, the feelings crashed down upon her; she ran away like she had done so many times before, like she always used to run away in her life.

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><p>It was not before the edge of the forest that Jacob caught up with her; she had left without another word, leaving him behind in that dreadful cave of hers and it had taken him some time to follow her. The whole way up the steep stone wall, up the cliff, until he'd finally reached the edge of the cliff and had thrown himself onto secure earthy ground again. He had hardly given himself time to calm his breathing when he was chasing after her again. The shapes of the myriads of trees were already closing in on him when he finally made out her figure between the hundreds of oaks.<p>

"Tell me what happened." he called after her and she looked around, obviously both shocked and angered that he had followed her; though the shock appeared to overbalance her anger, yes, she looked positively terrified as she saw him following her. She immediately turned around and sped up her pace, though she was not running but still walking incredibly fast, trying to lose him, but he kept up with her. He would not let her escape again, leaving him without answers.

Renesmee, who was subconsciously still aware that he followed her, was buried inside her confusing thoughts; what she had felt inside the cave had frightened her. Since the day she had returned – it hadn't been her wish, but she couldn't keep herself from longing to return – she had tried to scare him off, trying to make him realise that it was dead dangerous to be around her. Everything she had done, _everything_, had been done in the attempt to save him – though every time she had hurt him, with her words or actions, she had hated herself even more, she knew it had to be done.

She had known that he would never leave her alone unless he hated her, feared her like all the others did and so she had sought to hurt him, provoke him, and yet he hadn't stopped to feel that way for her. Every time she had looked into his eyes she had seen that same love for her that had made her leave in the first place, and nothing she had done had succeeded in killing that love for her. And now, now that she could have done it, now that the revealing of her darkest secrets could have succeeded in the task that had to be done, she had shied away from it.

All this time that she had worked to kill his feelings for her she hadn't watched her own heart, she hadn't realised that slowly but steadily it hadn't been his feelings any more that kept her from frightening him off, but her own feelings for him; and now, it was too late. It had been in that moment down in the cave that she had realised it, and now the truth was knocking the air out of her lungs; incredible joy, confusion, hope, shame, and fear hit her, but in the end she settled on the only feeling she had learned to trust: her anger and hatred.

"There is nothing you could have done to destroy what I see in you.

There is nothing you could have done to destroy that human inside you."

"_No, I'm not some weak human._" she yelled at him as she flung around, her chest heaving while she breathed hard, glaring murderously at him, no longer caring to keep herself calm. How did he dare to inflame such feelings inside her, how did he dare to render her into such a state of weakness, rendering her helpless to such human feelings? How did he dare to make her feel so human when she was so much more than human? Had Cillian not told her what felt like a million times that she was maybe a human Vampire, but still more a Vampire rather than only human? So how did that _dog_ dare to push her back inside those confusing, human feelings?

No, she would not be weak, she would not be human; the monster inside her roared, lusting to hurt, to cause pain. She would not be weak; she had to be strong, strong as a Vampire if she wanted to save him from herself and the monster inside her.

His words, spoken so softly, meant to soothe her fear and pain, had been the final straw that broke her camel's back, it was the turning point. Jacob stared at her in shock and almost in fear as well; her words had caught him off guard, and he was unwilling to believe what she had just said. But there she was, standing in front of him, her eyes focused on him in utmost hatred and contempt and he felt his heart miss a beat. He wanted to say something, counter something in return to her words, but he was left speechless, helpless.

"You are so weak. Clinging to the shadow of a woman you loved. So human. Unable to bear that this woman is long gone.", he heard her say and every word was like the stab of a blade, pushed deep into his heart, leaving him to bleed to death. "You are nothing but a weak human and you shatter in the dusty paths that I tread."

Jacob stared at her, gripped hard and mercilessly by his shock; he could not bear to hear the words she had just said, spoken with such cold arrogance. Those were not her words, and he knew it, it was as if that Bloodsucker – Cillian had been his name – had forced such thoughts inside her head. Making her believe that humans were weak, nothing but weak and helpless, nothing but victims to Vampires; that Bloodsucker had made her believe that being human meant to be weak, had it been him also that made her see herself as a murderous monster?

"Stop talking like that, that's not you, Nessie."

The anger growled deep in his throat as he countered her cold, hard words with his own – and he wasn't entirely sure where that anger came from; was it really only directed to that Bloodsucker (he had always known that he would kill the innocence inside her, soiling her soul with his ideas) or was there at least a small part of him that shot that anger straight towards her? He couldn't bear to hear her talk like that – in this moment the Renesmee he had known and loved appeared to be irrevocably lost, and nothing but her shadow, the Vampire inside her, stared back at him. It was this Vampire, the arrogant mask she always used to wear in order to hurt him, that widened her lips to a cruel smile, so cold, without any trace of human warmth left.

"No? And what would you know of me, Jake? Did your wolf-imprinting tell you everything about me? What I am? What I want? What I need?"

"Shut up." he spat at her, not able to bear her mocking words, for she did not only mock him and his, at least in her eyes, weak humanity, but also his feelings for her. He would not let her talk down his – and her – humanity like this, he wouldn't let her deny that human part of her. He would fight for her human side, he would fight to get _his_ Renesmee back, no matter what it would cost him. Renesmee who appeared to have guessed his thoughts only laughed cold and heartlessly, her features hardening once more to the mask of a Vampire.

"You don't know a thing about me. The Renesmee you knew is dead. The world has killed her – and _I_'m all that's left.", Jacob twitched back from her words, breathing hard as he closed his eyes; he hadn't missed the subliminal truth of her words – for it had been him who had failed in saving her from the darkness of this world. "And _I_ do not belong to the humans; they are afraid of me – so why would I care about them? After all, they are nothing but human blood bags."

Renesmee didn't see him coming, totally caught up in the arrogance she had been made to believe, she was blinded to believe that all humans were weak and so she wasn't attentive enough to notice _his_ strength and speed, which was, despite him being only human, still so much more than just weak and human. His large hands rushed forward and grabbed her hard by her thin, fragile arms, keeping a murderous, painful grip on her, actually hurting her, forcing her to look into his eyes, full of rage and fury.

"Shut up! That is _not_ you!", he yelled at her, his screamed words echoing through the forest, probably awakening everyone within a mile; however, she did not counter his outbreak with a usual contemptuous response, instead she only offered him this cold smile he had grown to hate so much.

"Wrong, Jacob Black, that is all I've ever been.

A monster. Uncontrollable. I fight. I drink. I am content."

This was it; when she had said those words he finally lost it – all this time he had tried to fight his rage, trying to fight the wish to simply see her as the monster she wanted him to see, all the time he had told himself that it had not been her who said those words, but that Bloodsucker speaking through her, but then –

"Go on! Hit me! Come on! What are you waiting for? I deserve it, don't I?"

He could see himself reflected in her eyes, fear flashing in those brown depths, and he saw himself as he raised his hand against her, ready for the blow, ready to lash out and hurt her for the pain she had caused him and all the others, and most of all for the pain she had brought to herself. Then, his hand halted in mid-air as he stared down into her eyes; her look so full of fear that he would hurt her, and shame that she simultaneously begged him to hurt her, punish her, for the monster she was and for the monstrous sins she had committed. What he saw in her eyes, shocked him; he would have never hurt her, never in his whole life – and he felt hatred and shame that she had actually almost succeeded in pushing him into doing it.

Her words echoed in his head; she dared him to do it, no, begged him to do it and for a moment – if only for the glimpse of a second – he considered to really do it, his imprinting almost pushing him into giving her what she wanted from him, but he didn't do it. The shame and fear in her eyes had pushed back the devil inside her and showed him the Renesmee that was somewhere buried deep down but still inside her – she had hoped that he would punish her, and by doing so redeem her from her sins, but he couldn't do it.

No, in the end, he simply leant forward and kissed her.

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><p>The way he kissed her had nothing in common with the only kiss they had ever shared before – and it definitely did not resemble the kisses he had given her in his dreams – no, this here was something completely different, for it was not even a real kiss at all. It was a warning, a demonstration of his strength, his human strength, showing her his power over her, proving her that he was stronger than she had thought him to be – he would not be so weak to let her turn his feelings for her into fear and hatred. He kissed her hard and wanting, all his emotions he had been forced to hold back for so long, all his desire, his love for her, but also his rage over her behaviour, his pain over what she had said and done to him, to them, melted down into this kiss.<p>

For a moment, her lips remained still and cold under his force, but then there was no turning back any more; she opened herself to him with a brutality and lust he had not known before, her small hands gripping into his thick, black hair, tearing little hairs out of it. Her lips grew hot and sore under his demanding mouth, but he didn't care, he kissed her harder, even harder, so hard he drew blood. He could feel it, slowly but surely, there was a completely new hunger awakening inside her.

All those feelings that had tormented her for too long flooded into this kiss; all the anger and hatred she felt for herself, the fear of losing herself to that monster inside her, her fear of hurting him, the desire to be free and the shame to have found such freedom through her monster, and most of all, this kiss spoke volume of that hunger, this all-consuming hunger for blood, for life, in every form.

Jacob could feel it, the force with which she pressed herself against him showed him more than just the human inside her; the monster inside her roared in hunger for him and immediately the human in him twitched back from it. In this short moment of clear thinking he saw the danger of what they were about to do, seeing the catastrophe they were tumbling into. He knew he needed to stop. This was not right, not like this, not now. But then, Renesmee forced his lips apart, demanding entrance and he knew he had lost – the Wolf, his very own _monster_, had won.

With a deep, wild growl he shoved her against the bark of an oak, the force of the collision knocking the air out of her lungs, hitting his lips in hot waves; he felt her shock, but gave her no time or chance to voice it. His lips descended on her mouth again – opened in surprise and confusion – and devoured her completely. He pressed his hot body so hard against her cool shape that she moaned in a pleasure made of pain; he could feel her soft skin through the thin layers of her underwear as he rubbed against her, driving the Wolf inside him insane.

One of his large hands moved from her small hips to her neck, grasping her throat in a not so gentle grip, and he felt her swallow hard under his palm; she whimpered under his aggressive lips but he paid no attention to it as his other hand wandered between her legs. He felt her shiver under his touch, he sensed the confusion and fear inside her, but the Wolf roared inside him, lusting in a hunger that called to be satisfied. She sighed into his mouth, her body responding willingly to him though her mind drowned in fear for the unknown.

But she did not fight him, never, not when his hand vanished inside her panties, not when he desecrated her with his fingers, she did not even push him away when the Wolf inside him went impatiently to her panties, angrily slipping and pushing them down. He felt her shiver and stiffen only in a mixture of fear and lust when she felt his hot and hard skin pressed against soft, cool flesh. But she never fought him off, never did she push him away – as if she wanted to be consumed by the Wolf inside him, punished by his claws, torn apart by his large muzzle, roaring to devour her completely.

The Wolf inside him could not wait any longer, lusting in hunger, and the monster inside her answered him with with a cry of desire equal to his'. Her small yet surprisingly strong hands lay in his neck, holding onto him as his arms came around, his hands grabbing her hard and safely, lifting her up, pressing her deeper into the bark. She automatically wriggled her legs around his hips, her body naturally seeking for a hold-on, and as she did so, everything was lost.

He entered her in one single, hard movement, tearing apart the walls of her innocence, and he could hear her scream desperate and painfully in his ear, her nails scratching the skin of his neck, drawing her own batch of blood, but he paid no attention to it. The Wolf inside him was blinded for the danger and tragedy of their sexual union, he only saw the promised redemption from this hunger roaring inside him; he would not stop, the human inside him had forced him to wait for too long, the monster inside him – inside her – would not be kept waiting.

He thrust hard into her and without mercy, her hotness was too tight, gripped him too hard, he could not think, he did not want to think, he could not control himself. His head sank down into her neck, breathing and growling in the sensation of their wild act. He felt her hot, quick breath in his ear, and he did not know if she screamed out of pleasure or out of pain; he found he did not care any longer, he wouldn't have been able to stop anyway – the Wolf inside him forced him to keep going.

Somewhere, in the distance, he could hear voices, he could hear his brothers and his sister shouting inside his head, screaming at him to stop, warning him, crying desperately over what he was about to destroy; but he didn't listen, he did not want to listen; and then there was only silence inside his head. Then there was only Renesmee.

His dark angel, breathing hard into his ear, crying in a pain made of pleasure, tore him out of his thoughts when he suddenly felt her sharp teeth against his hot skin, and then she sank her fangs into his flesh. The sudden shock made him whine and growl in pain and wild excitement, he pushed even harder into her, the red pain wetting her legs as she drew the so wanted red gold out of his veins, feeding the hunger of her inner monster just as he did it.

There they were, two monster clinging to each other, and each deadlier than the other; their hunger screaming to be satisfied, the pain and the blood marking the only way they could gain their redemption, fulfilling the deepest, darkest wish of their black hearts. He thrust now brutally into her, his movements always quickening, speeding on as she shivered and whimpered in an unknown pain, grasping his broad shoulders, looking for something to hold on.

The Wolf inside him roared wildly as the force of sheer lust threatened to overwhelm him – and then he could feel it. Overpowered by the feeling of joy, and pure bliss the monster inside him gave himself over to nature's own form of redemption. He could not see any longer, he could not hear any longer; he screamed in the rush of this unknown feeling that killed him and revived him simultaneously.

For a moment, he was caught in this moment of complete satisfaction, and it took him what felt like several hours to come down from his high again. Then he stood there, shivering in the sudden coldness of night, still pressing her fragile, heavily shaking body deep into the tree's bark and it was in this moment of clarity that it hit him what he'd just done. He felt her breathing, flat and helpless in his neck, and the truth sank in. _What had he done?_

As the pain and sadness hit him, her shock and fear and pain, his legs gave away under him and they both fell to the ground; he fell on his back, Renesmee fell to the side, next to him. The shock of what he had done to her, to them, gripped him so hard and merciless he could not breathe, he could not think. Terrified he looked over to her, only to find that she had curled herself up into a tiny ball, like she had done so many times when she had sought safety, refuge from all the darkness and dangers in her world. Though her position looked strange, her knees not completely pulled up to her chest – the burning pain between her legs to sharp to ignore it – and he could several small sprinkles of a red colour, a colour of blood, between her legs.

_He had broken her completely._

Jacob felt the shock overpowering him; the pain he had caused her now crushed him down and he welcomed it. _What had he done? What had he done?_ The question kept screaming inside him and he covered his mouth with his large hands, and it was the only thing that kept him from voicing those screams with all the air he had left in his lungs. But he could not stop himself from sobbing or keeping away the tears that streamed down his face as she saw how she awkwardly got up to her feet – she hissed in pain as he felt her pain like his own. She did not look at him as she silently put on her panties again, ignoring the colour of her blood that soiled the beige fabric within seconds – and again she did not look at him when she walked away from him, leaving him all broken there on the woody floor, caught in his own shame.

When she was then completely vanished from his sight, he could no longer keep the thoughts out of his head. This was not how he had imagined it to be between them. All the pain and blood made him feel sick; he had _broken_ her. He had wanted to love her, softly, caress her, explore her, touch her, love her with every part of his soul and of his body; he had not wanted it to happen like this. Like an enforcement. Like a punishment.

_What had he done?_


	7. Chapter 7

So, it's quite a short chapter again - basically it examines how Jake (with the help of Leah and Sam) tries to cope with what he's done to Nessie in the last chapter. Some very interesting thoughts are brought up in this chapter.

Tell me what you think - and sorry, that I'll leave you with a cliffhanger, but it'll be worth it. Chp. 8 is gonna rock you, just be patient. I hope to have it finished by at least the end of the week.

Review and Comment, mates, I'll need some support to keep me writing this fic!

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><p><strong><span>7. The Truth of the Silence<span>**

_Silence._

Sometimes it could be calming, comforting even, giving you a rest from all the stress and chaos of the world, offering a refuge and a lair whenever you sought for loneliness, when you needed to think, when you needed to make sense of things. But silence also had its darker side. This other side offered no such peace; she was heavy and oppressing, so full of unspoken words that you fear to suffocate upon them, so full of long suppressed feelings that the tension feels like tearing you apart, inch by inch by inch. You can not breathe, you can not live within this silence – _and this silence kills, slowly, steadily, quietly, without a word._

It was this kind of silence that sounded through the kitchen of the usually loud and lively Black house, levitating like a thin veil of heaviness upon the hearts of every soul inside its walls, making it hard to even breathe freely, pulling everyone's thoughts down into a maelstrom of confusing and wild emotions that filled the air with words left unspoken. There was no laughter filling the atmosphere; even more, it felt as if all the light had been sucked out of the room, as if all life had been drained from them. There was now only darkness embracing them.

Jacob sat on a wooden stool at the kitchen table; he was shaking visibly – however not because of the cold, though he was soaked and only clothed with a pair of old, worn-out jeans – and his brown eyes, usually gleaming with fun and warmth, looked empty now and red shades spoke of the shameful tears he had shed. His large hands were clasped over his mouth as if he had to keep himself from screaming in agony and kept rocking in his stool, back and forth, and back and forth.

Sam and Leah stood only a few feet away from him, leaning against the wall, both apparently lost in their own thoughts, however, both their eyes were directly focused upon him, analysing his every move, watching in pain and desperation as he was losing himself in his own wild, shameful thoughts and blames. None of them spoke, there were no words that could have possibly given any comfort or redemption in that moment, and so their calm, steady breathing remained the only disturbance to this heavy, overwhelming silence.

The red glow of the sun that was born in a colour of red and gold at the horizon was the only thing that told them about the breaking of a new dawn; but this new day promised no new hope, and even the rare rays of the sun that, for a change, broke through the heavy clouds of Washington state could not bring light to their hearts at this dark morning. It had taken Jacob several hours before he'd had the courage to leave the forest, before he'd even had the emotional strength to pick himself up, and to return home, where his former Alpha and his Beta were already waiting for him.

Without so much as a word he had collapsed onto the stool, his head sinking onto his forearms, releasing the tears that had burnt in him for too long; and they had let him cry, they had let him grieve, giving him all the time he needed, giving him all the privacy he needed, too. None of his other brothers had disturbed him in this moment of silence, none of them had even dared to approach him, offering their comfort through the privacy and silence he usually never knew – Leah and Sam remained the only members of his family that had come to him, prepared to listen, when the time for words would have been come.

Until now, none of them had even said one word – and what was there to say? They all had felt what had happened last night in the forest; it had literally thrown them out of their beds and those, who had been on night shift, it had crushed them down as if the world itself had collapsed over their heads. At first, none of them had known what was going on; they all had picked up those irritating, foreign feelings, feelings that weren't even their own – pain, shame, anger, hatred, desire, and _hunger_.

Leah shuddered mentally as she remembered this unnatural, inhuman hunger that had claimed her thinking from one second to another. She had wanted to scream in yearning for a thing she did not know she wanted, lusting for a release she did not know existed. In that moment, her whole existence had been reduced to the mind of a wild beast; pain, anger, joy and hunger were the only feelings she was then capable of, and each and everyone of them was singing inside her head at the same time.

It had confused her, driven her wild, nearly insane; she hadn't been able to think properly, or to remember that she, Leah, was not an animal, but a human being. However, for that instance she had been rendered helpless to the Wolf inside her and she hadn't been able to fight off those foreign feelings – willing, yearning to sink her teeth into flesh, tasting the twitching muscles beneath someone's skin, tasting the blood in the veins...

She had felt all those feelings crushing down on her just like it had happened to all the others; even when they hadn't been in their Wolf form, the connection between them went too deep, was too intense to be cut off completely, they all _sensed_ each other, _felt_ each other – and the emotions of last night had been too immense, to overwhelming to shut them out. It hadn't taken them long to understand what was happening, they had soon enough picked up the reason why their brother had been so upset, so wild, so excited...

Through their connection with him they had realised the danger that lurked beneath the surface, and they had desperately tried to warn him, tried to pull him out of that destructive maelstrom of his own emotions. They had tried to remind him that he was Jacob Black, a human – not the Wolf that roared in an unnatural hunger inside him – who was bound to protect and to love that girl, and not to destroy her by this aggressive, brutal act of devouring. But he hadn't listened to them; at that point the human inside had been long gone, lost to the needs and desires of his very own, inner monster, that had turned his feelings for this girl into a cruel conversion of love.

He had shut them out, though he still couldn't have spared them the feelings that he was living through, for they were also forced to endure all the emotions that had burnt inside him in those long, terrifying minutes. It had almost been too much to bear; no, it had been too much. After the joy and momentary relief had ebbed away and the truth of what he had just done had slowly begun to sink in, they all had moaned in a pain none of them had encountered before. It had broken them.

Pain. Shame. Self-hatred so sharp und hot it had burned every other thought away – and the truth, this terrible, tormenting knowledge that he had hurt the one person in his world he loved most.

It had killed him, broken him, and it had left nothing of him behind but the shadow of the person he had been, a tortured soul.

"I can not make her happy."

Both Leah and Sam startled at the sound of his voice; for one thing it had sounded rather like the voice belonging to quite another person, the pure desperation in it that made those words sound raw and thick with a pain that was almost too intense, to catchable to be purely emotional. It had been the first time in hours that he had said a word, and now they wished he hadn't said anything at all. Hearing him saying the words, giving breath to the tormenting feelings inside him made them so much more real, also for the both of them.

Leah, for her part, at least, was not sure if she was really ready for this conversation. Heartbreak, to be perfectly honest, wasn't a new thing for her and to encounter those particular painful feelings in the situation of imprinting all over again made it not easier for her. Unbeknownst to Sam, who was still completely focused on Jacob, she looked up, examining the features of the man she had once loved more than her own life – and in the shameful quietness of her mind, she could not but admit that she still felt like this, though time had changed this once happy knowledge into a painful truth.

Love was never easy, she thought, and the same held true for this particular kind of a love – a forced kind of love, as Jacob, had used to call it, though his opinion appeared to have changed quite a lot in the last years – which bound, at least the imprinter, so unbelievably tight to its imprintee. She could not even start to imagine how tight he was bound, how strong the connection must be, and how deep those feelings really went. She did not encounter the love of imprinting yet, she thought bitterly, and the only face of love she had met so far was now nothing but a painful shadow.

"I can not make her happy." Jacob repeated, and with that he tore her out of her thoughts as well. Leah looked at him intensely, thinking about his words, thinking about what they really meant. It was strange, to put it nicely, usually the imprinting was a connection that placed the Wolf into the position of doing everything in his power to guarantee the happiness or satisfaction of its imprintee – and usually it worked.

Sam (her heart ached uncomfortably at the thought of his name, but she ignored it, she had grown used to the pain by now), Jared, Paul...they all had not only found great happiness through the imprinting but had also learned incredibly fast and easily how to ensure the happiness of their imprintees. It was only Jacob who seemed to find it particularly difficult to find any happiness in the love the imprinting had given him, neither for him nor for this girl. It was really mysterious, though because of her rather second-hand knowledge it was hard for her comprehend it, she knew that the Wolf should theoretically be content and happy with everything the imprintee did or felt. Even if the love he felt was not responded by love from her side at all.

However, said rule appeared not to apply for Jacob and his Vamp girl. Not that she liked to think about such things – she had quite enough pain with her own emotional life already to rejoice in the fun of thinking about other people's love life – but being part of a pack of telepathically competent werewolves, plus being Beta to the leader of said wolf pack, well, all those things came with some responsibilities. She could not but muse over the inexplicability of the situation, for the reason alone that the earlier this thick-headed Wolf worked out his Chick-problem the earlier she could also be spared all those terrible feelings and thoughts that weren't even her own.

Why was it so hard for him to make her happy and give her the love she wanted, the happiness she needed? After all, happiness and love was the one thing that every person needed and wanted, wasn't it? The question stirred something in her mind, a memory worked its way slowly to her mind, something she had heard Jacob think a while ago, something that had come to his mind as he had thought about the hybrid's dangerous behaviour.

"Maybe that's not what she wants. Maybe she wants to be _un_happy."

Leah had found herself talking before she even realised it; Jacob had immediately stopped sulking, instead his head turned towards her in what felt like light speed and he was now staring at her as if she had something with the importance of a life-death decision, and – considering his really over-the-top concern for the Vamp girl – it probably felt like that for him. But the She-Wolf ignored his stare, instead focusing on the dawning sun as she looked straight out of the window while she resumed speaking.

"Maybe she thinks she deserves to be unhappy, to be punished. She blames herself, she feels guilty, unworthy of luck and happiness. Maybe that's what she wants, what she needs. Maybe that's exactly what you are bound to give to her."

When she had finished her little speech, she felt instantly that she was right about it – she did not know a lot about Renesmee, but due to her pretty good insight look into Jacob's thoughts she could tell instinctively that the hybrid felt guilty for whatever she had done in those three months she had been away, and that she even felt guilty for what she was doing to Jacob right now. It was very stupid really, though she could understand that self-hatred to a certain degree, she still knew that whatever Renesmee was doing to hurt herself for what she had done, was not only a punishment for herself, but for Jacob also. It was cruel, but so agonizingly understandable that the truth of her words could not be denied.

Jacob was now sitting in front of her at his kitchen table, looking as if he was in pain; his eyes were squeezed shut as he tried to process the meaning of her words, his hands clenched to fists; his whole body language was screaming of the pain the words – _this truth_ – had caused him. For another three minutes there was nothing but silence, heavy and thick, saturated by the truth of her words.

"So, what do you expect me to do now?", Leah twitched back from the harshness of the words; when Jacob spoke now the former desperation was replaced by a feeling she knew all too well: plain, brutal anger, and this fury was completely directed at her now.

"Do you expect me to punish her for something she thinks worth of a punishment? Do you think it was right how I handled her in the woods?"

Leah narrowed her eyes at him; the air suddenly smelled of danger – she didn't like the way this talk was heading to, "That's not what I said...I didn't mean..." she repeated desperately again and again, shaking her head in defence – she could not deny that Jacob's anger meant certain danger, even and maybe especially to her now. He did not seem to have heard her trying to explain herself, but more likely he didn't want to listen to her any more, because he simply ignored her and kept on talking.

"Do you expect me to rejoice in how I punished her back in the woods?", Jacob had got up as he said those words, and he took a threatening, small step towards her; she immediately backed away, focusing on the dangerous shaking that held his body in a firm grip. She swallowed hard, trying to keep her fear at bay, but she could not but think of Emily's scarred face and the consequences of Jacob's anger.

"You would like that, wouldn't you? Seeing how a Vampire gets punished?

For you they are all nothing but monsters – and _you_ never liked her, never accepted her!"

He had made several other, threatening steps towards her and she instinctively twitched back from him, she had lost her voice now completely, panic and fear tightened her throat and she looked over to Sam, looking for help. The Alpha immediately stepped between her and Jacob, trying to shield her from Jacob's sight, but the latter still stared at her in utmost hatred and fury, and it was quite unlikely that he really listened to anything Sam said.

"Jacob, I'm sure she didn't mean it like that..."

"I don't care what she meant! I heard her too, remember?", now, finally, the young Werewolf averted his eyes from Leah, focusing on his former Alpha instead, who, so much unlike her in this moment, did not back away but simply held the contemptuous glare of the hard-headed young man. It was hard to tell whether the hatred and fury in Jacob's eyes was really directed against his sister or against his brother, or maybe looking at Sam only made him aware that his relationship with Renesmee would never be of the same harmony and affection that Sam and his imprintee had.

After what felt like a very long moment of him staring Sam to the ground, Jacob focused on her again; the fury over what she had said – and in his opinion also hinted – still flashed in his usually warm, gentle eyes, his nostrils flaring in pure anger.

"_Get out of my sight – you make me sick!_", his words had been spoken in a rare cold-hearted hatred, nothing but a whisper through his clenched teeth; she felt herself twitch back from the coldness in his eyes. Leah looked over to Sam for a last time, looking for a help he could no longer offer, before she nodded stubbornly, swallowing down the angry tears that burnt in her eyes and with that she stormed out of the kitchen, heading towards the edge of the forest. The last thing that could be seen of her was a flash of light and shredded clothes, and the wolf with the silvery fur vanished into the woods without looking back.

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><p>"Jacob, you <em>know<em> she didn't mean it like that. Leah was merely pointing out..."

"Stop giving me this bollocks, Sam.", Jacob cut his former Alpha short like he had done it so many times in the past hour. After Leah had vanished into the forest – the anger and pain over his attitude forcing her to phase into her wolf form in order to cope with it – Sam had taken over this eternal litany of scolding him for his outburst of rage. Jacob, however, was in no mood for sense and reason; it felt much better to direct his anger towards someone else than him, though he knew, Leah was not the one who deserved his hatred.

A part of him, though it was small and shut up now, knew full well that Leah hadn't meant what she said, at least not the way he had interpreted it – and for one thing, he could not deny that there was a seductive truth in her words. It explained rather a lot of things; the way Renesmee behaved and the way he reacted whenever he was near her, all those terrible things she had done since she had been here would be given a new meaning – her pathetic fight with the bear, her attempts to turn him against her, her pleading words to make him hurt her...

Jacob shook his head, shaking off the memory of that night and of what he had done to her. He just couldn't handle the consequences – emotionally just as well as physically – right now; he did not want to think about how it would feel when he saw her again, being forced to look into her eyes, big brown eyes, so full of a ripped apart innocence. The world had killed her innocence, and once upon a time, he had been her whole world. No, he couldn't cope with the feelings of shame and self-hatred right now, instead he focused on something else, directing his destructive anger towards someone else – for it was so much easier to see the flaws in someone else other than yourself.

"So, you think Leah was right, eh?"

"Yes, I think she was right."

Jacob was taken aback by how calm and easy Sam had said those words, the latter full well aware that his Pro-Alpha was only trying to provoke him, only trying to get him into a fight, if only verbally in order to cope with his emotional burden of guilt and self-blame. He could understand him so easily, he hadn't acted differently, back then after he had hurt Emily like this, marking her for the rest of her life with those shameful scars – he, too, had tried to handle his self-hatred with directing it against others. It was only natural, an instinct of self-protection. However, exactly because he understood Jacob so easily in this moment, he was not willing to give into his desperate attempts, instead he fought it off with the patience and calamity of age.

"What Leah has said makes perfectly sense, Jacob." he continued, forcing the young Werewolf to listen to reason and truth even if said Werewolf didn't want to hear it, "Renesmee is a hybrid. A part of her is human, but you have to understand that there is another part of her, too, and that part is not human, not in any way."

"I know that, thank you very much."

"Yes, you know it, Jacob, but you are unwilling to understand it, or to really accept it.", Sam raised his hand, urging him to let him speak, because Jacob had already opened his mouth to retort something to his former Alpha's apparently ridiculous accusation, "You are saying that you know what that means for her, or for you, but in fact you don't understand it at all, because you won't accept it."

At this point, Sam made a short pause and took a deep breath; he was clearly looking for the right words to explain to Jacob what he needed him to understand. It was a very delicate subject and the fact that the young man in front of him was more than just unwilling to accept the truth didn't make it necessarily easier for him. However, it was necessary for him to understand – it was not just him and Renesmee who suffered under this situation, the pack also suffered. All werewolves felt for each other, the connection between them was too strong to shut out the pain that even just one of them felt – they felt it all, and it slowly destroyed them, just like it destroyed Jacob.

_He needed to understand. _

"In your eyes, she is only a human girl with a little bloody problem – but that problem won't be solved by ignoring it. She is a half-Vampire, and she has needs that are not human.

Perhaps she has suppressed those needs so rigidly over the years because she knew that you wouldn't be able to accept it. Don't be fooled, Jacob." he added when the young man opened his mouth to protest again, but Sam cut him short, "She knows how you think about Vampires, and, though it is only one part of her personality, it makes her belief that you think about her just the same way."

Upon these words their eyes met for the first time since Leah had left them and Jacob quickly averted his eyes, being confronted with the truth in Sam's look; he, too, remembered the incident months ago when Renesmee had stepped between him and that Bloodsucker. His words had destroyed it all, she had believed that he would despise all Vampires no matter their attitude; he hadn't had the time to explain that he was quite comfortable as long as they stuck to the Veggie life style choice.

"We can't be sure what she experienced while she had been away." Sam continued thoughtfully and by doing so Jacob was torn out of his thoughts, forced to listen again, "But the way she behaves adumbrates that she has, maybe for the very first time in her life, lived out that other part of her being, that she had been in peace with that other part of her soul, no longer forced to hide it or suppress it in fear of being rejected."

"She does not strike me as being at peace with herself at the moment, if you ask me.", Jacob couldn't help it, before he knew it he had growled the angry retort; Sam, however, simply ignored him as he continued to speak just as if Jacob hadn't said anything at all.

"Something must've happened then, something terrible that she has witnessed – or even committed herself – that deeply traumatised her, throwing her into this state of self-hatred and guilt. Perhaps Leah is right, and whatever Renesmee is doing serves as a twisted way of getting redemption for what she has done."

"But why does she want me to be the one to give her this redemption, as you call it?" Jacob asked, his eyebrows knitted thoughtfully as he stared up at Sam, looking for advise. The Alpha sighed heavily, and he had already opened his mouth to speak, but before he could have said anything his face suddenly contorted in pain. With his hand clutched to his chest, he sank to the kitchen floor, growling in agony. Jacob was on his feet in a glimpse of a second, about to ask him what was wrong, but then he felt it, too; this unbearable, unimaginable pain that cursed through his veins, like fire, like venom...

And then he saw his sister's face – _Leah_ – as she withered in pain, screaming in desperation and agony; and the knowledge came to Jacob so fast that it took his breath away: She had been bitten by a Vampire.


	8. Chapter 8

Well, folks, here comes chapter 8! I know, I promised to have it finished quite a while ago, but I was really busy - and btw, it's quite a long chapter anyway, so hopefully that will bring me back in your good books.

**It's a pretty action-packed chapter, but also very dramatic!**

Please, please, peeps, REVIEW AND COMMENT, it's so sad to literally write my ass off for each chapter and then no one takes the time to leave at least a little comment.

Please, be kind! **Give me reviews and comments!**

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><p><strong><span>8. Fight to Resist<span>**

After this moment of realisation it had all happened quite fast.

They both had forced themselves on their feet after the first wave of pain had been shut out by sheer power of concentration – there had been no need to pass on the information of what had happened to Leah, Sam had quickly picked up his thoughts – and then, from one moment to another, they had left his house, and left all those thoughts and worries about a hybrid and imprinting behind. All their thoughts were solely focused on their sister now as they ran like hell through the woods, the air tasting like pure fire in their lungs but they kept running.

Jacob hardly realised how much ground they had already covered when the rest of the two packs – which were already phased into their wolf forms as they had picked up this most familiar scent that presented danger – joined them. The young Alpha couldn't pluck up the courage to answer Seth's urgent questions in his mind after he had changed into his wolf shape, too (Sam followed soon after him), he just couldn't bring it over himself to tell his little brother that his sister was most likely about to die – and he couldn't pluck up the courage to tell Seth that this had been his fault.

The guilt was nagging at him, adding to the self-hatred and shame he felt towards what he had done to his imprintee – now he was responsible for the very likely death of his sister, his Beta, too. It was true, there was no denial possible, his conscience screamed constantly at him. If he hadn't rounded up on her like that, if he hadn't been such an ass, throwing all those stupid accusations at her – she would never have left like this: running through the woods, feeling guilty, so consumed by her fear of having hurt him. It had turned her into such an easy victim.

It didn't take much time to imagine what had happened. Leah probably had run into him out of pure coincidence, but instead of calling for aid, instead of accepting that she alone would never have stood a chance against that Bloodsucker, possibly hoping with killing that leach off she could get back into Jacob's good books again, she had attacked. Distracted and consumed by her own feeling of guilt, she probably hadn't been focused enough, she had lost control and the Bloodsucker had seized his chance. He must have hurt her, and as she had phased back into her human shape automatically, and then taken advantage of her helpless situation.

But no matter how hard he growled in his throat, lusting to rip that Bloodsucker into pieces there remained a truth he could not undone and which burned inside him: It had been his fault.

The scent and the fear for their sister's life spurred them on and on, pulling them deeper and deeper into the forest until Jacob realised where the smell finally led them to. It felt like cold water was slowly spilled over his figure, tormentingly dripping down his shoulder, icy even through the fur, as the realisation slowly sank in. It was leading them towards that dreadful clearing he had grown to hate so much, the clearing that had destroyed everything between him and Renesmee.

It was in this moment that a question popped up into his head that made him falter in his steps and he had a hard time avoiding to tumble over his own feet; that question hit the air out of his lungs, filling ii with icy water instead that made every breath he took feeling like he sucked in ice instead of air.

_Had Renesmee been the Vampire who had bitten Leah? _

But that was impossible, he tried to calm himself – he could not bear to even think that _his_ Renesmee would be capable of something like that – as he subconsciously sped up his pace so that he outran his other brothers. Renesmee was a hybrid, and it was clear that she had no venom whatsoever that could have been poisonous – if she had, he would have been killed by her a thousand times, for she had bitten him so often when she had been a toddler.

However, this thought could not convince him completely. The time she had been away had changed Renesmee in may ways; her overgrown thirst for blood, expressed in her constant desire to hunt and slay, was only one thing that had changed, but that wasn't the only thing. Before she had been away she would never had hurt or killed if it hadn't been necessary, but the memory of the cave she had shown him had proved him that indeed there lived a predator behind those innocent brown eyes. Could it be that those months she had been away had not only changed her behaviour but her physical features also – turning her even poisonous?

_Had it turned her more and more into Vampire? _

Jacob shook his head, trying to shake off those terrible thoughts as well but it was hard to concentrate on anything at all with all the thoughts and fears of the others werewolves revolving around in his head, almost deafening him. He could feel their anger, their fear and concern, but most of all he felt their panic – time was like an invisible enemy and they all feared to be defeated by it. Again, he sped up his pace, his heart racing in his chest – he knew he would never be able to forgive himself, to look into the mirror again, or to look into Seth's eyes, or Sam's, or to face anyone back at the reservation. He knew he would never be able to forgive himself if she died, for it would be his fault.

The scent of blood was so close now that it burned in their noses, and that it mixed up with this typical Vampire stink made it even more unbearable. However, they did not twitch back from this revolting mixture sweet stink and the terrifying note of the blood of someone they all deeply cared for. They followed the trace eagerly, mentally preparing themselves to fight, even rejoicing in the prospect of ripping the Bloodsucker into pieces who had dared to threaten the life of one of them.

An eye for an eye – and the call for revenge roared in all of them.

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><p>Jacob was almost the first one to reach the clearing, the only one who was actually faster than him was Sam. The black wolf threw himself immediately on the ground to Leah, he howled in pain with her as he desperately tried to lick away the blood that streamed out of the disgustingly looking semi-circled wound at her left wrist, but he twitched back from the bitter taste of the venom. Leah lay on the ground, so close to the edge of the line trees surrounding them, she possibly had tried to escape her attacker but then pain had been too strong, too overwhelming for her body to act on her mind's order: she couldn't escape. She was still wriggling in electrifying agony as she twitched on the ground, her screams of pain already muffled down to incomprehensible growls, her eyeballs turned inside – she was completely blinded by her pain.<p>

With Sam as their Alpha totally gripped by his concern and pain for Leah, the other wolves turned to the only other person of authority they accepted. The big wolf with the russet fur that was Jacob stepped away from Sam and Leah, he scanned the clearing for the monster they had come to destroy and when his eyes found what they had been looking for the shock hit him so hard that he subconsciously retreated some steps.

There in the middle of the clearing stood not Renesmee as he had feared. The Vampire that looked more like a young, handsome man stared back at the pack of wolves, an evil grin shining on his lips, which were drenched in the blood of an innocent – and he still looked at him with the same, red eyes. Eyes that had once taken away his loved one, and changed Renesmee for ever.

_Cillian_.

So Renesmee had not killed him, she had lied to him – what else did she lie about?

Angered and blinded with rage – though he wasn't entirely sure if his fury was only reserved for the Bloodsucker in front of him or if he indeed felt rage also towards his imprintee, whose lies had unconsciously, possibly led to this tragedy – the wolf Jacob made a determined step towards the young man with the face of an angel, but with the devil's soul incarnate.

He wanted to kill him. The wolves growled deep in their throats, they had picked up his feelings and thoughts, maybe they had realised as well who that Bloodsucker really was. His brothers were now stepping beside him, lowering for the attack, their muscles tensing in a simultaneous act – the connection between them vibrating, making them think, making them feel as one wolf, but with the strength of thousand wolves. Jacob uttered another deep growl, and this was the signal to attack, but then –

All of them – except Sam who, still in his wolf form, was at Leah's side – turned their heads at the same time, even the Bloodsucker couldn't but be distracted by the rustling sound that come from between the line of trees surrounding them, a deliberate sound of crunching dried leaves under usually careful, light feet. There, slowly stepping outside the shadow of the oaks, hesitantly entering the clearing, was the person he had feared most to turn up in this moment.

Renesmee did not look at him when she carefully crossed the clearance; her eyes were entirely focused on the Vampire who eyed her with a greedy, almost hungry look and she swallowed hard when she finally came to a halt. She had her back turned at Jacob and the pack, facing the Vampire she had come to known so well, who stood now still a couple of yards away from her. In contrast to him, however, she did not smile, her face showed no emotion at all, except perhaps it contained a hint of fear but she worked hard to suppress the feeling from taking over or showing it off to him.

Jacob growled deep in his throat and him being a wolf at the moment made it sound even more dangerous; he kept his eyes fixed upon Renesmee who hadn't so much as moved to look at him, as if she was hardly aware of the presence of the whole pack, as if she hadn't noticed Leah lying in agony on the ground, facing death – _as if she didn't care_. However, deep in his heart he shamefully had to admit that the pain inside did not come from her apparent indifference to what had happened to Leah, but rather the monster inside him roared at the sight of her approaching the Bloodsucker, just as she had done it all those months before.

Was she going to join him again?

Jacob could not but growl again at the pain and anger that flashed through him at the very thought of it, and he looked from the small of Renesmee's back to the Bloodsucker who smiled at the woman he loved, smiled at her as if she was his. Apparently, Vamp Boy must have thought the same, for he made a small step towards Renesmee, his hands stretched out towards her, beckoning her, luring her to come to him again.

"My Love."

The words sounded like pure venom in Jacob's sensitive wolf ears, though they had been spoken as soft as the falling of a leaf, melodic, tender, _intimate_; a monster awakened in Jacob Black and this beast had nothing to do with the wolf inside him. _Jealousy_. This monster had been put to sleep years ago, he hadn't felt its roar in such a long time – and then the Bloodsucker had forced his way into his life and taken the only thing from him he truly ever wanted. He had _possessed_ her, possessed her in a way that could never be undone – he had soiled her with his darkness, and marked her in a way that had left traces on her once beautiful, pure soul.

"Stay away from my family. You won't hurt them. Leave."

Jacob was torn out of his thoughts when he heard her speak those words, unwilling to lose himself in false hope again – surely he must had misunderstood her – and yet hope was already nagging at his heart as he stared at her little figure, her back still turned towards him. She was not going to leave with the Bloodsucker. She was not going to side with the Bloodsucker. She was remaining at his – _Jacob's_ – side, and in this moment this choice meant so much more: it was as if she hadn't just simply chosen to fight this Vampire in particular, but to fight the darkness inside her in general.

"Your _family_? They are nothing but humans. They are weak.", Cillian voice was cold, a cruel smile decorating his lips and with a movement of his head he threw a contemptuous look at the wolves growling behind Renesmee in order to emphasise his words. Then after a moment, the smile vanished and his eyes appeared to burn in a cold fire that lusted greedily for the woman in front of him; as he spoke again his voice sounded rawer now, raw with hunger and possessiveness.

"We both know you are nothing like them."

Though he still could see nothing but her back, Jacob noticed that she retreated several small steps at the words of the Vampire, spoken so low, almost as a whisper. Her figure appeared to shiver in warm sunshine, and he heard her hiss sharply. What the Cillian had said, had apparently stirred a forbidden memory inside her and he could almost feel a pain emanating from her that was in no way physical.

"Leave.", her answer was short and hard, she sounded breathless and Jacob could literally see how her usually soft and welcoming features hardened into a threatening mask, the shadow of the monster inside her reflected on her face for the glimpse of a second. She made a determined step towards him, supporting her order with this little gesture – and for the first time the expression on the Vampire's face changed.

Cillian's eyes narrowed, not so much as a response to her order, rather because of something Jacob hadn't been able to notice; the gesture had been so small, so subtle, so easy to miss. But the Vampire hadn't missed that her eyes had flickered – for the slightest of moments – to the wolf with the russet fur. Cillian, now, no longer looked at her with greed and hunger, anger flashed in his eyes and – though it could have been a trick of light as well – betrayal, and even _jealousy_.

All of the sudden, the Vampire's head flung to the side, his red, bloodthirsty shifting from the hybrid towards the wolf pack, no – he was looking at Jacob. The wolf with the russet fur twitched back from the lethal intensity of the Bloodsucker's stare and he could hear a deep, inhuman growl escape out of the throat of that Vamp Beau. Cillian glared at the wolf and he felt the anger inflaming his ice-cold body; it that moment he understood the feelings she had rather for that dog than for him.

"Do you really think he loves you?"

The cruel words had left his mouth just a second before he averted his eyes from Jacob and looked at her again in order to watch her reaction, and to savour the despair he had unleashed in her. The air left her mouth through clenched teeth, voiced in a hissing sound, a sound of sheer and utter pain; and it was in that moment that Jacob turned his look from the Bloodsucker over to Renesmee. She was now visibly shaken in what sounded like sobs; and it was then that it hit him – had the Vamp Boy really just referred to him?

"Little Bird, he cannot love you when he's afraid of you."

The next words tore Jacob out of his thoughts and he watched in shock as Renesmee's figure slowly sank down on her knees, her face buried shamefully in her hands as she tried to muffle down the tears and sobs that appeared to have overpowered her at this point. _His words had broken her._ His pet name for her, which had once amused her, terrified her now, for it spoke of a secret that was only between the two of them – it spoke of a truth she could not deny.

"But I have loved you, _my way_.", the voice of the Bloodsucker sounded soft again, warm and gentle, as if he was apologising for his cold, hard words only seconds ago, as if she was a naïve child that came to the comforting hand after being beaten by that very outstretched hand.

But Renesmee was no child any more, the world had made sure of that.

She looked up, her face blurred by tears and the pain of a truth she had long tried to deny, but upon his words there was also another emotion that burnt in her eyes, making them glow, flash in a determined fire: _defiance_. Next to her sides, her hands were clenched to small fists, the force was so strong that she felt her nails scratching the skin of her palms, but she gave no thought to it. She slowly rose to her feet again, her look did not waver from his figure once – and whatever he read in her eyes outraged him.

"Don't tell me you did not enjoy it, don't tell me you did not crave for it – _I_ gave you freedom." he roared now, his eyes so red darkened to a dangerous colour of black, it was impossible to tell if it was the hunger or anger screaming out of those eyes at her – maybe it was even both. Cillian made another step towards her, a deep growl escaping his throat as he glared at her; her consistent ingratitude for what he had given, for what he had offered her angered him. Had he not freed her from her miserable existence amongst the humans? Had he not blown away those ties of morals and conscience that had tormented and tamed her? – And how did she thank him? Running off, running back to those dogs disguised as humans; and now she repaid his great gifts with threatening to attack him?

"But you will never be free here, only another wild animal locked up." he resumed, letting his eyes wander around, focusing on the wolf with the russet fur for only the glimpse of a moment. When he looked back at her he could see the traces of realisation flickering through those brown orbs, knowing that the truth of his word could not be denied. However, this hybrid was strong-willed and determined, her jaw was clenched, she looked at him with eyes hard as stone and cold as ice, but he could still read the disturbed emotions in them. His words had hurt her, they had brought back the memories of what they had done, of what they had shared – and yet she was willed to fight him; not just him, but rather the Vampire inside herself.

"This is my last warning, I will not hesitate to kill you. Leave." she said and when she spoke those words, she let them sound, for the first time, like a real threat. The silence that followed upon her order clung heavy in the air, and Cillian stared at her, his dark eyes glaring at her intensely as if he force with it to take back her warning; but she did not give in. Renesmee breathed hard and flat now, the tension between them growing on and on, making it hard to breathe, afraid that every movement could break loose a storm that would overpower them all.

"Then come, my Love." Cillian said then all of the sudden; a welcoming smile on his perfect, angelic lips, and he stretched out one of his ice-cold hands, beckoning her to come to him.

"Come to die."

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><p>There was a moment of silence, a moment of complete stillness, where no one dared to move, not even dared to breathe out of fear, and then –<p>

Cillian stormed towards her with a growl so deep and threatening as if the sky had chosen to imitate his anger – pure thunder seemed to escape his throat, and he lunged at her with claws as quick and terrifying as the lightnings that struck, like flashes of light, too quick and sudden to be caught, but their impact was always fatal. She had barely enough time to avoid his attacks; he was fast, so much faster than her, but she was light and agile and she was determined to use that little advantage.

She was well aware that there was no way she could possibly overpower him, his strength and speed were clearly superior to hers, the experiences of centuries enabling him with fighting abilities she surely didn't possess. But she was determined, she would fight, she would stand her ground, she would defend her family; that at least she owed them. She would not run again, she wouldn't flee like the coward she had been; no, she would stay right here, where she belonged, between her family and the darkness that threatened them.

Cillian stared at her with a most devilish smile that made ice-cold shivers run down her back – fear gripped her so hard she could barely breathe, she could barely think; but she swallowed down her fears and prepared herself for his next attack. She lowered her body, almost crouching down into a defensive position, every muscle in her body contracting at the prospect of upcoming blow. He came after her again, she avoided his claws, dodging and jumping away, every time he only missed her by a hair's breadth. She could feel him, his growing impatience, his increasing anger, his temper so easily taking over – she knew it made him unpredictable, it made him careless, vulnerable.

Renesmee jumped away from his next away by doing an impressive version of a back flip, however she had not counted on his immense speed this time, and then it happened: his arms lunged forward and grabbed her torso – she was trapped. She felt his ice-cold breath in her neck, the fine hairs in her neck raising up in fear, and for a moment she was paralysed by her shock and panic stopped her thinking dead for a beat or two. It was only when she felt his cool, deadly lips on her throat, lips to kiss, lips to kill, that she awoke out of her catatonic trance.

With the strength that was somewhere left in her body she fought against him; with her back she pushed back, flinging her head blindly back in the moment, crashing the back of her skull into his face – she ignored the urge to vomit at the disgusting sound of breaking bones – and with that second of his distraction she tried to free herself. She felt his arms slacken around her body, but one of his arms still kept a steel-like grip on her left upper arm and as she managed it to wriggle herself out of his clutches she felt the terrible pull – the ripping, the breaking, the pain.

As her agonizing pain erupted into the sky she had already jumped several feet away from her, she was panting, her breathing hard and flat, her face contorted in pain and she looked over to her dark angel. His face now grimaced into a terrible grin, even more terrible because half of his face was disrupted and ripped apart by her little head-butting technique – in this moment he looked more terrifying than anything else she had ever encountered in all her life. Her heart skipped a beat and as she looked into his bright, red eyes it was as if she saw her own death reflected in it. She shook her head, unwilling to accept it, shrugging it off as a trick of light, though she moaned in agony as the pain in her left reminded her at possible truth of what she had seen in his eyes.

On that clearing, though, she was not the only one who was desperately in pain at the moment, however, this was quite a different sort of pain. Jacob was wildly struggling against his brothers who tried to hold him back and stop him from storming over to Renesmee – it took three of them alone to keep him where he was; there knew full well they wouldn't be able to stop when he really started to fight them off. His eyes were widened in shock and pain as he saw and heard how she fought her way out of the beast's claws, the terrible sound of breaking bones burning itself right into his ears and the image, this image of her left arm, now hanging uselessly at her side, the limb sticking out in a strange, unnatural angle.

_No, Jake. You can't storm in there. It's too dangerous – You'll only make it worse for her..._

Jacob tried to shrug off his brothers' warnings, he didn't want to listen to whatever they had to say, he didn't want to listen to reason – could they not understand? This was _his_ Renesmee, and she was about to be killed, right in front of his eyes – how could they expect him to step aside and watch her die? The thought made him whine in pain and he threw himself with his full weight against his brothers, trying to escape their arms once more, but they would not let him away; they, though, would not step aside to let _him_ get himself killed.

Then all of the sudden, the terrible silence of the clearing was broken once more, all of their attention – Jacob was interrupted in his consistent attempts to free himself out of his brothers' grip, Renesmee and Cillian were torn out of their silent staring contest – was drawn towards the shaking figure on the woody floor. Leah let go of another eardrum-shredding scream that left them all shudder in pain and disgust; except for the monster who had put her in this condition in the first place. Cillian's head flung to the side, his red eyes flashing in hunger, and he licked his lips already when he made a greedy towards the girl on the ground, but then –

Renesmee stormed forward and with the full strength of her body weight she tackled him, the immense force of her attack tossing them both to the ground; she struggled with him, and this time it appeared that her agility gained the upper hand. She managed it to push him on the ground and hold him down; her legs were anchored on either side of his hips, her hands holding his arms down in a grip made of steel – he was in her grip now and he could not escape.

Breathing hard, the pain in her left arm making her feel slightly dizzy she stared down at her defeated monster; her brown eyes, now hardened in fury and hatred, bored themselves into his red orbs, though the expression in them had vanished and had been replaced by a completely new look. A plea as old as the world itself looked up to her; there was fear written all over his face, fear and hope; for a second she was reminded of all the things they had shared, all the feelings she had experienced through him – and remembered this atmosphere of fascination that radiated from him. She swallowed hard and it was in this moment that she knew she could not kill him.

Renesmee had lingered in her hesitation for only a glimpse of a second but it had been enough for him to take advantage of her impulse of mercy: with one single, swift movement he tore his hands out of her clutch and simultaneously he jerked up; and then he descended upon her. His fangs sharp as blade of knife flung themselves into her throat, his teeth easily biting through the soft, warm skin. She screamed in shock rather than in pain, but that was about to change; his arms came around her body, holding her captive as he buried his teeth deep into her flesh while he threw her now to the ground, pressing her small figure into the woody floor.

She tried to fight him off but his weight was so mercilessly crushing her down; she felt the hot blood running down her shoulders, the sharpness of his teeth once more and this unnatural feeling of sucking, a pain so indescribable that it took her breath away, an experience so intense that it thrilled her just as it terrified her. Though she was completely blinded by her pain and captivated in her shock, she was still able to hear those screams, strangely human screams, a voice so deep, so familiar...

It was Jacob's voice – Jacob who, in his pain for her, unable to control himself, had phased back into his human form – that tore her out of her helpless trance; she pulled up her knee in an act she hadn't learned form her existence as a Vampire and rammed it up between his thighs. The effect was immediate; Cillian for a moment caught in his pain, his face distorted in agony, lifted his head to growl in anguish and anger – even if he was not human, he was still a man after all, and even a Vampire felt such a monster kick.

Renesmee used his condition of momentary distraction and pushed him off her; he rolled several feet away, and she did not even dare to take another look at him, she just wanted to get away from him. In her panic and pain she abandoned all thoughts of her being half a Vampire, she forgot that she had inhuman strength and speed, forgot that she was a killer incarnate; in this moment she was as helpless as a human and in her desperation she tried to crawl towards the rescue that Jacob Black's eyes represented. But she didn't come far.

"You can not run from me, little Bird." she heard him say from several feet away, and his cruel voice tempered with such lethal sweetness made her freeze on the spot; her heart stopped dead for a beat or two when her ears caught the sound of light steps approaching her. He was inevitably drawing closer, "I've already told you that."

In this moment of helplessness, this moment where the realisation dawned that struggling was pointless and that her destiny had been sealed the second she had decided to fight him, in this moment she looked up to meet Jacob's eyes for the very last time. She read anguish and shock in his warm, brown eyes, now filled with tears, she could feel his pain that was displayed on his handsome human face as her own. With her last strength she put all those unsaid things into her glance, things she had never had the chance to say, truths that would now never be revealed. Her eyes were silently asking for forgiveness, apologising for her weakness, for what she had done to him, apologising that she hadn't had the strength to fight and live.

But then something happened she hadn't expected; while she had stared into Jacob's eyes something happened to her; she had already accepted her faith, had already welcomed death with the desperate hope of a heaven beyond this hell, when suddenly there was a fire that returned to her body, that inflamed her soul – life was returning to her, and the will to fight, to survive burned her weaknesses down to ash and bone. Her eyes, formerly closed in the anticipation of her upcoming death, flung open, her orbs once of a warm, brown colour were darkened to pitch black stones, and a red fire burnt in them. The human in her had failed, was defeated, shattered, but the Vampire in her was not yet ready to give up; she was not ready to die.

Cillian, who hadn't noticed the change in her body, had approached her with the look of hunger in his eyes, ready to take his prize and to finally be able to devour his long-denied prey. But just in the moment when he grabbed her shoulders, attempting to tear her around and to satisfy his greedy thirst for her blood, she suddenly jerked up and flung around. In this one surprising moment she was too fast for him, he screamed as she threw herself upon him, her teeth sinking deep into his stone-hard, cold skin.

He struggled in her grip, his arms flailing around, hitting her head with the force of an iron baseball bat, but she did not loosened her steel-like grip on him no matter how hard he tried to fight her. She then jerked back, and his eardrum-shredding scream accompanied her and she simultaneously tore out a massive chunk of flesh; a huge, bloody, ugly-looking wound gaped open at his throat and his screams were minimised to agonizing growls. A deep, wild roar escaped her throat and with that she flung her teeth back into his flesh, sinking her deadly, though not poisonous, fangs into his ice-cold skin, again and again.

Big, terrifying wounds littered now his throat, and arms, even his naked chest had been attacked by her sharp teeth; he still tried to fight her, but struggling was pointless. She had already passed the point long ago where she could have stopped, he had killed the mercy in her, and he now had to pay the prize for it – and with that she sunk her teeth for the last time into his throat. Another jerk of her head and then with a sound of ripped apart flesh and broken bones his head gave away, his body fell to the ground while his head rolled away from him.

It was done.

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><p>For a moment, there was nothing but silence.<p>

Her head lay back, her face turned towards the sky above her, her eyes closed and she took a deep breath of the now fresh and free air that slowly filled her lungs, before she let go of a deep, long sigh and simultaneously she let go of all the worries, fears and pain that had tormented her only mere minutes ago. The agonizing pain in her left air, and the wound in her neck, appeared to hurt less, and when she opened her eyes again, an aura of peace and deep tranquillity filled her. She swayed in the chilly air for only another moment, the blood – hers and his' – glued now cold at her skin, before she finally collapsed and fell to the ground.

However, before she could have hit the ground, a pair of strong arms of the colour of russet skin caught her, and held her safely, keeping her from falling. The first thing her eyes saw, after she managed to open her heavy lids again, were Jacob's eyes who looked at her with so much concern and pain, so full with a warm, deep feeling of affection that she couldn't turn away from him. He held her in his arms as if she was the most precious thing, careful, as if she could break with every to rough touch. She felt so light in his arms, she looked so weak, so vulnerable, like the little bird she had been claimed to be, her wings broken – but she was still alive, and right now that was all that mattered to him.

He looked down into her warm, brown eyes – the monster that had flashed in them only minutes ago had vanished as quickly as it had come – and his heart sheer sprang apart because of all the joy he felt; she was still alive, still warm and soft in his arms, she was still his'. For a few terrible minutes he had thought he had lost her forever; seeing her struggle in such agonizing pain had nearly driven him insane, he hadn't been able to think clearly, he hadn't been able to breathe. But now that he held her in his arms again, now that she looked at him again with those eyes, he enjoyed the wonderful sensation of sweet air filling his lungs again.

What was even more, when he now looked down into her eyes, he did not encounter the bitterness and hardness any more she had worn since she had come back, gone was the cold, heartless woman who had sought to hurt him, who had fought to make him hate, make him fear her – she was warm, and soft...and she was _Renesmee_ again, _his_ Renesmee. He was barely aware of the tears that streamed down his face – though tears of joy now – and just when she slowly raised her right hand to touch his face, her fingers suddenly wet, did he noticed it. Jacob laughed desperately happy and gave into her rare, tender touch.

There intimate moment, however, was all of the sudden interrupted when Sam stormed towards them and without a word of excuse or the like he grabbed Renesmee by her arm – her broken, left arm, to be precise – and tried to drag her with him. She yelped in pain and Jacob – one arm still around her figure, keeping her pressed tight against his body, keeping her in his safe embrace – shoved him away with one single push of his other hand. He glared furiously at his former Alpha – it was clear by the expression of threat in Jacob's eyes that he would rip him to pieces if he dared to touch Renesmee again like that – but Sam didn't seem to see the angry look of warning in his eyes.

"You. Save her.", those stammered words were everything he could bring himself to say; his voice sounded weak, pleading even, like a person insane with thirst, begging for a sip of water in the wide, empty desert. It was this strange tone in his voice that made Jacob look at him, really look at him and he swallowed hard as faced the pure desperation in the usually so controlled Alpha's eyes.

Jacob was so shocked by what he saw in his eyes, he didn't realise that Sam once again grabbed Renesmee by her broken arm and this time – due to his shock – Jacob wasn't fast enough to fight him off. She let go of an agonizing growl as he dragged her towards Leah, who was still lying on the woody floor, still struggling against the venom that sought to burnt itself through her veins, seeking to singe her life, taking her life. Her brothers, some of them still in their wolf forms (those were now taking care of the shattered corpse that had been once Cillian), others had already phased back, and they gathered around Leah, anxious, afraid to lose their sister.

"Save her." repeated Sam once again as he finally let go of Renesmee when he had reached the spot where Leah was lying; the hybrid was panting, the pain in her left arm making her feel dizzy and she couldn't suppress the agonizing moans that escaped her lips. However, Sam didn't seem to have noticed her wounds or pain yet; his eyes, blurred with tears and panic, were staring at Leah and in this moment Renesmee understood. It was not very difficult to see what was so painfully obvious – Sam might have imprinted on Emily, making her his soul mate, making him fall desperately in love with her, but the awakening of a new love never necessarily meant the death of an old love.

_In this moment, all Sam cared for was Leah._

Jacob, who by now had finally managed to pull himself together, appeared at her side again, supporting her weight, carefully avoiding to directly touch her broken arm; but he did not dare to throw another furious glare at Sam – no, because he understood too damn well how it must feel for him to watch the one you love suffer, even if the love Sam felt for Leah was of a completely different nature. Renesmee took a deep breath, steeling herself for the words she had to say and for the terrible reaction that was bound to follow upon her words; she looked up, finally meeting Sam's desperate gaze. She could literally see how the realisation dawned upon him, he could read in her eyes what she was going to say.

"I _can't_...I might kill her. I can not control myself.", she was shocked to hear how weak her voice actually sounded in her own ears, but she shrugged it off, her eyes looking for Sam's, trying, hoping him understand that whatever she could do might only make it worse. For a moment Sam looked as though he was having a heart attack, his face distorted in a single, painful mask and he allowed his head to fall in his hands; sobs and tears shook his body and he sank down on his knees: the image of a broken man.

Several moments passed them in silence, until another scream of Leah (it was astonishing that she was still alive at this point) tore them out of their momentary helplessness; and with that life came back into Sam. His hands lunged forward, reaching over Leah's body, grabbing Renesmee's shoulders and pushing her down, her face nearly colliding with Leah's shaking figure.

"SAVE HER!"

His desperate scream, his pleading command echoed in her head; her face levitated over Leah's neck and she could hear the pulse racing beneath her skin. Renesmee had her eyes shut tight, her hands were clenched to fists at her side, and she tried helplessly to push herself up again, but Sam's hands on her shoulder pressed her mercilessly down. She tried not to breathe, but the delicious scent of blood was all over Leah and at some point she had to gasp for air, and when she did that divine scent filled her nostrils. She fought against Sam's grip as the monster in her awakened at the promise of that hunger being sated, the desire in her and her desperate fight against it drove her insane but the Alpha did not let go of her.

She wanted to say no, she knew she should say no, it was a foolish, dangerous thing to even consider it for a moment – but then she remembered the desperation and helpless hope in Sam's eyes and she knew that she could not live, knowing that she could have been able to save her. She knew if there was even the slightest chance to save her life, then she had to try – she knew her father had once did it for her mother, she just had to find the strength, the will to be as strong as he was. She had to be brave, brave as her father had been.

"You need to hold her down...", her words has been so quiet, so shy, barely more than a whisper but they all heard it; immediately Sam let go of her shoulders but she didn't find the courage to meet his eyes as he laughed, insane with joy and newly revived hope. She could not see that hope in his eyes, she couldn't bear to see this gratitude, knowing that she could possibly be responsible for Leah's coming death. She leant back a bit, her eyes wandering away from Leah's deliciously presented neck down to her wrist, the half-circled moon wound shining red and tempting in her blood.

"Jake..." she whispered lowly, her voice filled with fear and pain, but there was also determination. Jacob who had heard her full well, did not need to ask what she meant, he understood; slowly, carefully his arms came around her waist, a steady grip, ready to hold her back, ready to stop her if she was losing control, if she was losing herself. Then she softly picked up Leah's wrist, the bite mark under her fingers so much cooler than the rest of the She-Wolf's skin; Leah was eyeing her suspiciously, and Renesmee could easily read the panic in her eyes.

"I am sorry." she muttered as she was silently begging her for forgiveness, and with those words she descended upon her. The moment her teeth sank into the soft skin, exactly at the same spot where Cillian had bitten her earlier, Renesmee was blinded by the most beautiful, the most sensual, the most satisfying taste she had ever encountered. Nothing in her whole had ever tasted so delicious, so fresh and hot alike, sweet and yet tart, the taste was slowly dripping over her tongue and she couldn't suppress the little moan of satisfaction that escaped her throat.

Then, she felt the venom; she could easily tell, for its taste differed so much from the sweet, tempting blood; sudden bitterness numbed her tongue and her mind instinctively twitched back from it, but she did not back away. She even intensified the grip her teeth had on Leah's skin, sinking her fangs even deeper into the girl's flesh, sucking the disgusting poison out of her veins, forcing herself to swallow it down – sudden pain flashed through her lower body, stomachache gripped her so hard she hissed sharply.

But she did not stop. She knew she had to keep going, she knew she could not stop until she had sucked the rest of the venom out of her veins, everything, up to the last drop. It was only now that she became aware of Leah's struggle – the sensual taste of blood had blinded her eyes for it until now – and she felt the fight in the girl's body, she was pushing herself so desperately, so violently against her brother's hands that they had problems in keeping her down, in keeping her still. She couldn't blame her, that procedure must feel like a painful torture to her.

After a while, the bitterness of the venom vanished and she was sure they all smelled that she had managed to suck all of the deadly liquid out of Leah's body – out of her eyes she could see Sam's face breaking into a laughter of utmost joy and relief – but she did not stop. Renesmee closed her eyes, the monster in her did not want to see the joy on his face, the monster in her did not want to stop. She could hear Jacob talking to her, his breath, hot and urgent in her ear, but she did not listen to him, she did not want to listen. The only thing she heard now was the call of blood; both her heaven and hell were made of blood now.

"Nessie, stop!"

It had been such a long time since she had tasted a human's blood and the sensation was driving her mad with hunger. She gripped now Leah's wrist with both her hands to keep herself drinking, while Jacob was tearing at her, trying to pull her away from her, but he was no match to the Vampire in her. No, she couldn't stop, she didn't want to stop. As this wonderful taste filled her mind like drug she forgot that she cared for those people, she forgot that she had wanted to save her life – she didn't care, her mind had gone blank with her lust for blood.

She could not stop. _She didn't care._ She did not want to stop. _She didn't care._ She was killing her. _She didn't care._

And then suddenly she was torn away from her victim, her teeth torn out of the flesh; for a moment she felt like she was flying and then she hit the ground so hard it pushed the air out of her lungs, precious blood squirting from her mouth. She needed a moment before she could open her eyes, her vision still blurred by the monster called hunger inside her; she could still taste the sweet blood on her lips.

It was only now that it dawned upon her what he had done: she had almost killed her. This one, harsh truth was slowly sinking in; ice-cold it was burning away the shamefully sensuous taste of satisfaction and replaced it with the bitter feeling of shame, and of self-hatred. _What had she done?_

Tears filled her eyes and sobs shook her body, she felt felt helpless against the guilt inside her, and she had no power left to fight against the urge to punish herself for what she had done – and then she saw Jacob. He was leaning over her – it had been him who had pulled her back, so he had kept his promise – and he looked at her with so much love. The monster in her didn't deserve his love.

"Renesmee..." he said softly, and his voice was the last thing she heard before everything went black.


	9. Chapter 9

So, folks, here we are with Chapter 9, the last but one. In this you'll find out what happened to Renesmee. Yep. Obvious title is being obvious.

_**Questions:** I've been thinking, I plan to do a sequel for this story - a fic that will explain the story of Renesmee and Cillian. Tell me what you think about the idea - worth a try, or rather a waste of time?_

_**Check out the poll about that question on my profile page! Tell me what you want!**  
><em>

Last but not least: Please, be so kind and review and comment. I'd love that you guys read it but it'll be so nice to get to know, too, what you think after you've read it.

**So, please, review and comment!**

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><p><strong><span>9. Answers<span>**

She did not want to open her eyes.

Renesmee kept her eyes shut tight, forcing herself to keep dwelling in the overwhelming darkness that pressed upon her sight; peace filled her, endless, everlasting peace, as if she'd had carried the whole world upon her shoulders and was now finally released from the terrible weight that had pressed her down for too long. It was a heaven of oblivion, and ignorance was a blessing she knew would vanish as soon as she opened her eyes. Reality with all its complexities, confusion, pain and roughness would tear at her again, disturbing the softness and tranquillity her unconsciousness had given her. However, she knew full well that she couldn't possibly close her eyes to the real world forever, and so, after she took another deep breath, she finally opened her eyes.

For a moment the sudden attack of bright daylight blinded her, and she fought hard against her instinctive impulse to close her eyes again and to escape from the sharpness of the real world; but after she had blinked several times her eyes finally accustomed to the light. The first thing she saw was the ceiling above her head that looked strangely familiar, just like the whole room or the bed and its duvet in which she had slept; a memory stirred in her mind and she tried to remember why it all appeared so familiar to her.

It was in this moment that she became aware of the additional weight that pressed down on the bed. She slowly turned her head to her side only to be confronted with the unmistakably clear figure of Jacob Black; his head was lying on her stomach and it rose and fell every time in the rhythm of her breathing. He was fast asleep; safely embraced in his dreams there were no traces of anger or sadness displayed on his face, only peace and innocence and for a while she was content with simply looking at him, revelling in the tranquillity that seemed to emanate from his body. She was hardly aware that her fingers had started to caress his beautiful, thick, black hair and only when he stirred in his sleep – giving first signs that he was waking up – did she notice it. She only withdrew her hands when he lifted his head.

"Renesmee...", her name was the first thing he said and his voice sounded rough and still groggy from sleeping. There were dark shadows under his eyes; he must have stayed at her side all the time when she had been unconscious – immediately her heart swelled over with gratitude and love for him at the thought of him watching over her. It made her feel incredibly save and protected. At the sight of her eyes looking at him, his face broke into relieved smile, as if he, too, had carried the world upon his shoulders and was now freed from the weight of all those worries.

"You're awake. Thank God." he whispered as he, to her great surprise, suddenly leant forward and pressed a shy yet deeply affectionate kiss on her lips. The kiss was only of a short nature but she could taste his relief and happiness on her lips. She did not back away from him. When he leant back again, his eyes immediately searching for her look, she couldn't suppress the urge to speak, and after she had cleared her voice several times she asked the question that had subconsciously burnt in her mind since she had woken up.

"Leah...", she was surprised and shocked to find her own voice, usually strong and determined, so weak and helpless, and she could see Jacob's eyes soften instantly at the concerned tone of her short question. Once of his calloused hands came up and caressed her cheek, the warmth of his fingers appearing to sink through her skin, warming up her whole body, reviving the feeling of being alive, of being able to feel human.

"She's fine. You saved her."

Renesmee closed her eyes upon his words, and she tried to turn her head away but found herself incapable of doing so; the warmth that radiated from him was too comforting to even move away from it for the slightest glimpse of a moment. However, she kept her eyes closed as his words sank in, she could not bear to read the gratitude and love for her in his look. She did not deserve it.

"I didn't save her. I nearly killed her."

"You stopped."

Renesmee had to suppress the impulse to snort contemptuously when she heard his defiant response to her statement. It was so typical for him: Jacob would always see the good in her, even if there was no goodness left in her, he would never stop pretending that she was, still, good. But she knew better, she knew that she had long lost the fight against the darkness inside her. She'd been too weak to fight her inner monster: the hunger had defeated her, and now she was its most willing servant.

"I didn't want to stop.", she heard herself say, her words shy, and quiet, the shame she felt for herself tightened her throat, and this fear gripped her so hard again, the fear that he would finally see what she really was. He would back away from her, repulsed by the truth. He now could no longer deny it, couldn't he? He had been there, too, he knew that she had only stopped because of him, otherwise there would have been no stopping for the beast inside. Surely he had to see it now?

"You mustn't trust me."

Renesmee locked eyes with him as she said those words; her brown orbs burning themselves into his eyes, she wanted to see the realisation in them, she needed to make sure that he understood. What had happened on that clearing in the woods had made it undeniable, she was not to be trusted. The hunger inside her was a beast no one was able to tame, the least she herself. It was not safe to trust her, it was dangerous, it was deadly – why could he not see that she tried to protect him from her inner monster?

"I am not afraid of you, Nessie. I trust you, and I know you're not the monster you're trying to make the world believe you are." Jacob said and Renesmee closed her eyes again, the words made her want to scream at him, punching him, hitting him straight in the face for his naivety and blind faith in her. However, though she did not dare to admit it to herself, the words did not only feed on her anger, but they also created quite a different feeling: she felt happy, utterly, blissfully happy.

In this moment, she would have given everything – her life, her soul, simply _anything_ – just to be able to believe his words. But she shook her head, trying to seal herself from the hope which those words aroused in her; she did not want to feel this hope, the pain would only be worse when she would have to realise that there was no breath of life in this hope. She did not want to feel the pain of a shattered hope, she knew she would not be able to bear it, she would not survive it.

"I am a monster, Jacob, when will ever you accept that?", this time, her voice lacked the usual determined, dominant tone she always used; instead, there was an unmistakable plea in her voice that spoke of her desperation. She wanted him to realise what she was, to fear and hate her – to flee from her into safety. The other part in her wanted quite the opposite; that other part in her clung desperately to Jacob, begging him with her eyes to never let go of her.

Jacob smiled at her, though his smile was traced with sadness now as he slowly got up and leaned forward, his face just levitating over her head and she could feel his breath hitting her face. She closed her eyes, drowning in the sensation of him being so close, and in the joy and knowledge that he _wanted_ to be close to her, no matter what he had witnessed her doing. She could feel his lips on her hair, pressing just the lightest of kisses on her forehead, and she shivered in the deep meaning of this little gesture, as she heard his response just as soft and yet just as meaningful as his kiss.

"Never."

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><p>Jacob stirred in his sleep, rolling to the other side, not sure whether he had really heard her. After she had killed Cillian she had been unconscious for almost two days, and these two days had been the worst nightmare of his whole life. The whole time he had faced the fear that he might have lost her for good this time, his heart nearly breaking under the sheer desperation and panic this thought had aroused in him. But he had never given up hope, and when she had woken up today morning it felt like sun after an eternity of darkness; sudden warmth had filled him and even her attempts to dampen his joy and relief hadn't worked on him. It never had, he just didn't listen. He knew it was not the truth, he knew the true Renesmee and he had never given up on her, he never would.<p>

"Jake? Jake, are you awake?"

So, she had indeed spoken his name in the dark. Jacob sighed tiredly as he turned on the hard floor of his own room – she, of course, slept in his bed; true a gentleman as he was – and slowly opened his eyes. It was late in the night and he was surprised to find out that she was awake, she had looked so frail and week only mere hours ago. Coming to think of it, however, she as a Vampire – even if only a half-Vampire – always healed quicker than others, and then again, it wasn't the first time she had been awake in the night while everyone else had been fast asleep.

"'Course I am, why wouldn't I be at...at half past _five_ in the morning..." he yawned sarcastically after he had checked the clock on the wall, and finally he gave away that he was awake, too. He sighed again, but though he was dead tired he couldn't but respond to the familiar pull of his imprinting. When she needed him, he was there – and apparently, right now, she needed him to be awake.

"I need to tell you something...but...but I'm scared...", as soon as those words had left her mouth he was wide awake, all thoughts of the sleep he needed so much were forgotten, everything he cared for now was his imprintee. The tone of her voice had alarmed his senses, the fear that made her voice shake so violently made him jerk up instantly. He looked up to her face which shimmered in the silvery moonlight that broke through his window, her forehead was frowned with worry and agony as if she was in real pain.

"What is it?"

His question was held in the same low, worried whisper that her voice had kept; he swallowed hard as he could not but respond to the atmosphere of this situation. He felt that this was more than just the scenario of her after she had woken up from a simple nightmare. No, if felt deeper, more intense and the panic that was written all over her face confirmed his feeling that this moment here between them meant so much more. He felt his hands become sweaty, fear was now gripping him too.

In this moment he did not care about the promise he had made to himself any more, the promise that he wouldn't approach her without her permission; he knew she needed him and that was all he needed to know. Without so much as a sound he got up and climbed into the bed, the almost painful inner struggle that radiated from her body made his instinct take over, he reached out his arms, offering her the protection and comfort her body and the imprinting told him she so badly needed, but again, she shied away from him. He felt the hurt swell inside him, but he swallowed down the pain her rejection had caused him; instead he settled down next to her, listening, waiting for her to continue.

"I am afraid you will not understand, Jake, I am scared you will hate me for it. You mustn't leave me, Jacob, I couldn't bear it, do never back away from me."

There was something in her voice, now thickened with terror and fear, and possibly also tears, that made the thin, little hairs in his neck stand up in excitement and thrill; he suddenly knew, just as if she had stated it, that now was finally the moment when he would come to know of what had happened to her when she had been away.

A part of him sighed in relief, this part had always seen those unspoken things as the source of her rapid, terrible change and believed that when she told him of the things she had experienced she would surely become the old Renesmee again. However, there was also that other part in him, and this part was afraid of what she might reveal to him, he was afraid that he indeed could not bear what she had done and experienced. That part of him wasn't sure if he really wanted to know what had happened to her, but then it was too late to object.

"I was _different_ when I was with him. _He_ made me different. ", she stopped for a second, licking her lips and swallowing hard, as if she was not sure how to give words to the secret she had kept from him for so long, "I'm not making excuses for what I did, but he had an influence on me I can not even explain. He made me do it, and I did it because I-I wanted to please him."

Jacob stared at her, the darkness of night covering half her face in black shadows, the rest of her face showed an expression he could not really read. She seemed completely lost in her thoughts, and the silence that stood between them bore matters that were left unspoken. Her words had carried a meaning that made heavy shivers run down his back; the feeling of guilt that radiated from her body was almost too much to bear for him, yet he did not back away. She had chosen to finally reveal her darkest secrets to him, he would 't shy away from it now; he was sure he could bear the truth.

"He was amazed by me, by my beating heart, the softness of my skin, the hot blood that ran in my veins. He was fascinated with me. He had never met anyone like me before and was intrigued that someone like me, a Vampire in speed and strength, actually possessed a heart and blood so warm, so sweet that it made me human again.", at some point she shook off her initial shyness, now she was talking fast and excited, her eyes glowing like little dots of fire in the darkness. Jacob swallowed hard, he could not deny that her excitement with which she talked about the Vampire made his heart ache in jealousy. But then, all of the sudden, the excitement vanished out of her face and was instead replaced by an empty expression of concern and fear.

"He was stronger than me, so much stronger...but then again, I did not really put up a fight after all...", her voice, which had been barely more than a low whisper, slowly trailed off, leaving certain things unsaid, but the silence that followed her words spoke of more truths than she could have given breath to. She turned away from him, looking into the darkness for a few more beats of her heart, revelling into the memories that flashed through her mind. As a result of her having turned her face to the side, the moonlight shone now directly onto her perfect, alabaster-coloured throat, and Jacob could easily make out the contours of bite marks that soiled her once oh so pure skin.

"So he _bit_ you!" he spat back at her, shock and fury mixed up in his accusation; he hadn't been sure of it, but for weeks now he had guessed and feared that it really had been true. Seeing now that she did not contradict him, only confirmed his worst nightmare. Jacob growled deep in the back of his throat, making the sound resemble much more the wolf's part in him, and red anger fogged his eyes, almost blinding him for the look she gave him.

"I urged him to do it."

Her response, uttered in such a shockingly calm voice, knocked the breath out of him, it terrified him, and he did not know what to counter to such unexpected confession. She eyed him intensely in the dark, her eyesight just as good as his', maybe even better, and he did not doubt her to be able to read the disgust in his look. Her eyes appeared to soften upon his contempt and confusion, and – unless it was a trick of the moonlight – he believed to also see something like pity flash up in her glance. Did she feel sorry for him, for what she was yet about to reveal? Did she pity him because she realised that he wouldn't be able to bear what she was after all? Would she be proved right? Would he be unable to bear the truth?

"Why?", it had taken him a while before he had been able to say anything at all, and even uttering this single word proved to be harder than everything else he had ever done in his life. His voice was raw and thick with emotion, fear, anger, confusion, all those feeling rampaged through him and were eventually reflected in his voice. He was sure she heard it, too. Jacob swallowed hard and cleared his voice several times before he plucked up the courage to finally look up and meet her glance.

Renesmee stared at him with eyes as deep and mysterious as the night itself. The brown of her warm eyes appeared to be blackened by the shadows of the night and it was hard for him to make out the expression with which she looked at him. Her eyes shifted away from his face, suddenly looking down; she pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees, only covered by his old, worn-out duvet. She looked thoughtfully into the darkness of his room, her eyebrows frowned as if she was trying to gather her thoughts, trying to find the right words to offer him the answers he desired, the answers he so badly needed.

"I don't know. It is something I can't explain, you wouldn't understand." she slowly said, and there was no lie in her words. Her voice now sounded strangely shy, and if the moonlight hadn't covered her face in silver shades he would have recognised the colour of pink that all of the sudden darkened her cheeks. Jacob swallowed hard as he watched her intensely, reading the signs of her body language – she was ashamed to admit what power that Vampire had held over her, she was ashamed to confess whatever had been between her and the Vampire. Was she afraid to hurt him?

"I was fascinated by him, and he had an effect on me that left me breathless. For me, he was the manifestation of a freedom I had not known I longed for. I wanted to taste this freedom. I wanted him to show me his world.", she swallowed hard and Jacob did not miss the quickening beating of her heart; still she was not looking at him when she continued, "In that moment, I assume, it was only a natural progression for me, just another step I took into his world."

Jacob was fighting hard against the impulse to say something, he would've loved to throw in a comment that nothing about being bitten by a cold, dead stone had anything to do with 'natural progression' nor did it have anything to do with 'freedom', but he held back, he remained quiet. As much as he wanted to speak, he couldn't bring himself to even utter a single word; the need to know more, the need to understand her and her world was too urgent to interrupt her now.

"Of course, at that point I couldn't be sure that the Vampire venom would have no effect on me, but I was curious, and I desired to know his world, and what it would feel like. So, yes, he tasted my blood, he has bitten me, just as I bit him, and we both left traces upon each other, scars even – some of them you can see, some you can't. It created a bond between us that could not be undone – even now, I still feel close to him.", she stopped as a heavy shudder ran down her back, emphasising her words.

Then she suddenly looked up in order to read the expression in his face: Jacob had never been good at hiding his feelings, and now they were so obviously written all over his face, so easy to read for her. She certainly detected the disgust that screamed at her out of his eyes, his forehead frowned and she could see by the way his whole body stiffened, his shoulders pulled up, that he fought to release the shudder of utmost disgust and contempt he had been holding the whole time. He finally met her glance and he could read the perfect expression of understanding in her soft, brown eyes, an understanding that bewildered him.

He had thought she would be sad, completely heart-broken to see his disgust, but there she was, looking at him as if she had expected him react like that. Had she expected him to shudder in repulsion, backing away from her, even before she had started? Just as if she had read his mind, or as if she was confirming his suspicion she started to speak, a calm but sad tone carrying her words.

"We two are very different, Jacob. You, although having this other side in you, are still human, completely human...", Jacob gave her no time to finish her sentence, he couldn't stand the idea she was bringing up now; he cut her short, his words as passionate as ever, "So are you!"

Again, Renesmee looked at him with those large, brown eyes, again this calm, compassionate expression of understanding filled her glance; even if he had wanted to saying something he wasn't capable of speaking any more. He didn't want to read that expression in her eyes; it screamed at him, perfectly yelling that he was wrong. She swallowed hard and sighed heavily, she looked as if she, too, did not want to acknowledge the truth; but then again, she opened her mouth, ready to utter words, so sharp, so clear, so terribly true that they couldn't be denied.

"No, not completely. A part of me, yes, this part is human, and this part will always belong to you. But there is another part in my soul, and this other part you will never be able to understand, or to accept. It is this part in me that drew me towards _my_ kind, that made me yearn to be with them, to be with him, and to experience his world...", she made a pause again, and the meaning of her words slowly sank in, just like little droplets of icy cold water that run down your back, making you shiver but still you're unable to escape them. They could not escape her words, nor the truth they stood for.

"But I have lived with my kind now. I now know what the world I was born into is like. There was no laughter, no joy, no warmth, no love...only _hunger_.", they both shivered in the sound of that word escaping her lips; the word carried a deeper meaning that instantly brought back those images into Jacob's mind, images of his bronze-haired angel leaning over her prey, but the deer now replaced by a human body, _his_ body. He shook his head to get rid of those pictures; he looked up to her as she continued talking – she was staring ahead into the empty darkness now, completely possessed by her memories, "A hunger that possessed everything, determined everything, a hunger for freedom, for the light, the life, a hunger that could not be satisfied no matter how much you've eaten..."

By now she was breathing hard and fast, her eyes were staring at something he could not see, something out of her past that might have come back to haunt her. He could feel her heart beat at double-speed and the natural pull of his imprinting demanded him to comfort her, to take her into his arms and to chase away the bad thoughts that darkened her mind. However, he fought hard against this impulse, as much as he wanted to soothe her and make her stop reviving those nightmares of her life, he found himself unable to speak. The thin airs in his neck stood up and he knew that they were now consistently drawing closer to the core of her confessions, the truth of her darkest secret.

"He told me so much about what it would taste like...so warm...so fresh...so...so _alive_...", her voice had been breathless and thick with raw emotion, fear and panic he could detect, and at the last word her voice cracked. She closed her eyes, swallowing hard as if she had to suppress a little cry that threatened to overwhelm her. It was in that moment that she suddenly opened her eyes and looked at him. Before this night, Jacob had believed to have known what pain really meant, how self-hatred and disgust felt, how fear and shame for yourself sickened your soul – as he looked into her eyes, he realised he knew nothing of it. The expression in her eyes was unbearable and yet he could not find the strength to look away.

"He made me do it, he made me drink it...a-and I _couldn't_ stop...the taste...this taste, it was _killing_ me and _reviving_ me alike...", the words that came out of her mouth now were spoken in such a rush, raspy and hoarse, desperate, but he was still able to understand her. There was an expression of utmost panic and despair in her eyes and for a moment she looked as if she had parted with every bit of sanity she had left. Her eyes glowed in a cool, dead fire as she continued to say the words that cut into his heart, but he did not back away from her, surprised and amazed by his own willpower. Though her confession grew more and more incoherent, her talking more and more heated, he had no problem in realising what she was about to tell him.

"It was a present for me, that's what he said, and presents you don't reject...", her beautiful face broke in a wild smile that grimaced her beauty into something completely different; but then her smile broke apart into that well-known expression of panic and disgust again as she continued.

"But then the little woman woke up from her trance and started screaming and kicking, I was so scared...a-and he, he threw himself upon her and she screamed even more...I wanted to stop him but I couldn't move...my fear numbed me...I just stared at him..."

At this point she shocked him once more in this night as she all of the sudden threw herself into his arms, she grabbed him so tightly he could barely breathe while she pressed her face into his bare chest in order to hide the tears from his eyes. He hesitated only a second, and then, after his initial shock over her unexpected move had worn off, he finally embraced her completely with his arms and the warmth and comfort of his body. She sobbed heavily against his chest, her small hands now pressed against her ears – just in the manner of a little child, refusing to listen – as if she wanted to shut out the screams of pain of a victim only she was able to hear.

"I wanted her to stop screaming...I couldn't bear it...and, a-and then, she didn't move any longer, she didn't scream, she didn't breathe...and all this blood...", she hissed sharply and whimpered in pain then, and he could literally see how she had her eyes shut tight, trying to shut out that terrible image of the dead woman, drowning in her own blood, "I felt so ashamed and yet so relieved that she had stopped screaming – I felt ashamed that I was relieved that she had stopped screaming..."

After that last sentence she sort of collapsed; her shoulders, her posture fell down and she allowed herself to be held up and held together by Jacob's arms only who kept her close to him. Her face was buried in the crook of his neck and he felt her tears, hot and salty, wetting his shoulders, but he found that he didn't care. He caressed her back almost mechanically while he stared into the empty darkness of the night; in his mind's eyes thousand of images burnt themselves right into his soul.

Two figures, blessed and cursed with the beauty of deadly angels, hovering over their helpless, terrified prey, greedy as they took what they desired, and the victim cried and fought in her own blood and could yet not win – and he saw Renesmee, just as clearly seeing her as if looked down at her now. Her small figure pressed into the stone wall, her hands pressed against her ears so she wouldn't hear the screams of the pitiful prey, and as she watched, paralysed by fear, her eyes widened in terror, he could see the brown of her eyes soiled with the red of her sins.

"He was very angry with me." she said after she sniffed lightly, her tears barely dried, and it took him a while to leave his terrible thoughts and to realise that she had spoken again; her voice was quiet and shy now, but the despair of her talk before had vanished, she was defeated, "He could not understand my morals, they repulsed him. I had never seen him like that before, so angry, so wild. I had never seen the Vampire in him before that terrible night."

She made a short pause again, though not because she hesitated to tell what had to be told, but rather because her throat tightened out of sadness, the memories came back so quickly, drowning her so deeply – if felt like it all had happened just yesterday. She did not want to remember.

"He said I still had something human left in me, he said I needed to cut it out – it sickened me, he yelled, it made me ashamed of something I should be proud of, something I should enjoy instead of fear.", she swallowed hard and subconsciously tightened her grip on him; and Jacob, probably for the very first time, started to understand the complexity of her being a Vampire _and_ a human, the constant struggle to long for something she knew was wrong. He wasn't sure, and he did not feel ashamed to admit it, if he would have had the strength to stop in this situation, if he would have had the strength to let his morals win over his lust.

"I didn't want to lose the human part of my soul, he did not understand it." she continued and he was once again torn out of his thoughts as he listened to her hoarse, weak voice which told all this in such a monotonous, paralysed tone, as if the memory alone had beaten her, "He was angry, so angry...I could not fight him off...he was so much stronger than me...", and with these words, at last, she fell completely silent. Tired and exhausted she snuggled herself deeper into his embrace, letting the feeling of his warm body, completely wrapped around her now, comfort her and chase away the memories of a past which was now entirely lost and gone. She would not miss it, not any more.

Jacob, though he did not show any outward sign of it, was completely devoured by his fury and hatred for that Vampire now; oh, he could very well imagine what that sick bastard had done to her in order to "cut out her humanity", her skin was littered all over with biting marks, it wasn't hard to guess. But even the very thought of that monster throwing himself upon her, taking advantage of her weakness, his teeth too sharp, his desire too great to ever wait for her permission again...

He closed his eyes in order to suppress the angry growl that threatened to be released; he felt the need to do something, his fingers lusting for the chance to make that bastard of a Bloodsucker pay, sheer need to kill him with his own, bare – _human!_ – hands in order to reassure himself that he was really dead, and that he could no longer hurt her. But Cillian was gone, he reminded himself, he was dead, Renesmee had already taken care of that, and his brothers had even given him the rest, erasing him with fire from the face of this earth forever. She was safe now, he could no longer cause her pain. _She was safe._

As the truth of this thought slowly sank in, he eventually relaxed, his mind repressing the memory of the Vampire already, and he naturally pulled her even closer to him and into the warmth of his arms. He was rocking her forth and back in his arms, just like his mother had always done when he had been a little child, comforting her and chasing away the bad men out of bad dreams. He felt that her tears had dried at last and she was quiet, she possibly might have fallen asleep. She clung to him like a child and he had never felt as protective for her as he felt in this moment.

"He said he loved me.", her voice was surprisingly soft again, and yet her words cut into his heart like knife's stab, "How can you love someone, and yet still desiring to cause him pain for your own pleasure?"

The words that had broken the silence stood now between them and he did not know what to counter to her question; and so he simply turned to pull her even tighter into his arm's embrace. It felt like the safest thing to do; he could think of no way to answer her, because there was no answer, because there should be no answer – there simply shouldn't be a reason why anyone would cause the one he loved so much pain. He knew, though, that she wasn't merely referring to her relationship with the Vampire, a part of him knew, knew it so painfully well, that she was also speaking of the violent moment of love that he had shared with her, back then in the forest, in that horrible night when he had broken her completely, when he had forced her to surrender to him in such a brutal way...

"Jacob..." she whispered in his neck, and immediately he snapped out of his thoughts; maybe she felt what he had been thinking, felt how his body had stiffened in the returning wave of self-hatred and disgust that threatened to overpower him again. He could hear tears in her voice again, and it did not reduce his angry feeling towards himself, if possible, it only increased, multiplied them.

"The worst things in life come free to us, it's the good things we have to fight for. There is nothing I wanted as much as you in my whole life. But I have no strength left to fight for you, Jacob. I am sorry."

He stiffened, his growing wide, his breathing stopped and his heart skipped a beat. For a moment he believed to have imagined himself hearing her say those words; but he knew that she had said them, her body, too, felt strangely tense now in his arms, just as if she waiting for him to say something. But for a moment he drowned in the bliss of knowing that she wanted him – and the way she had emphasised that word made it clear that she meant something far beyond friendship – until he remembered her next words. What did she mean with fight? Was she still afraid that he would push her away, that he could not bear what she was?

He had listened to her tale, he had learned of the things she had done, things she had _allowed_ to happen to her – and yet he did not feel any repulsion when he held her in his arms like that, on the contrary, it was quite a different feeling that burned in his heart. For the first time in this night he pulled her out of his arms and he felt her stiffen in her response, thinking, feeling that he indeed backed away from her like she had always feared, and hoped. Jacob swallowed hard, her silent assumption hurt him, nearly more than seeing her like this, so completely heartbroken, slouching her shoulders, her her head hanging low – she did not even have the strength to look into his eyes, afraid to see his hatred and disgust for her reflected in them.

"You don't have to fight for me, Renesmee, you never had to." he slowly began, his voice unsteady and thick with emotion, his throat felt suddenly tightened and he swallowed hard, desperately searching for the power to make her believe me; he then put his hand under her chin, making her look up, and in the moment their eyes locked, he finally found the strength to speak again, "Because...Because I am already _lost_ to you."

Renesmee stared at him, looking deep into his warm, brown eyes, her hope willing to fight against her mind which tried to deny what was yet so painfully clear written in Jacob's eyes. Was it possible that still, after everything she had told him, after all those terrible things she had revealed, that he still felt for her, that he still loved her? But no, that was impossible, her mind screamed at her, but as she looked into his eyes the same expression of love and deep affection screamed at her, telling her that his feelings for her had never changed, never since the day he had confessed his feelings for her. He still loved her passionately, unconditionally, no matter what she had done, no matter what she was.

She felt herself starting to cry again, but this time not out of fear or sadness or despair, this time she cried because she full well understood the meaning of his beautifully simple words, she understood it all – and this time she cried out of joy. For the first time in weeks, she started laughing, a true, warm laugh that sound like pure bliss to his ears – and with all this happiness, and gladness, and affection, reflected in each others' hearts and eyes, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his', and to give him the kiss which said it all.


	10. Chapter 10

So, folks, here is Chapter 10, finally. I hope you will really love this chapter. After all the heartbreak and violence and terror I thought Jake and Nessie finally deserved their moment of complete love.

This chapter, BTW, is a reason for the M-Rating again, so, yes, lemons growing all along the way.

There is still an epilogue to come.

Have fun!

**Please, take your time to leave at least a little comment! It would make me soooooo unbelievably happy.**

_PS: Check out the poll at my profile about the question whether I should write a sequel to this fic, dealing with the story of Renesmee and Cillian!_

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><p><strong><span>10. The Hunger For Love <span>**

Their kiss was soft, almost shy at first, their lips slowly moving against each others' tender flesh, sweetness flooded their thinking, making them feel light-headed, making butterflies jump in excitement in their stomachs. As their lips parted again, their eyes locked immediately. Renesmee was slightly breathless, but not so much from the kiss (though it was a possible reason), but rather from the love she saw reflected in his eyes. His feelings for her did not scare her any longer, she dared to believe them now; she had shown him everything, had revealed everything to him, and yet he hadn't backed away from her – he still looked at her with eyes full of his love for her.

She hesitated only for a second before she leaned forward to kiss him again and this time the kiss had lost its initial shy note; Jacob was surprised at first by her sudden joyous enthusiasm, his head pushed back a little by her lovely force, but then he reacted with an eagerness that spoke of all the feelings and desires he had fought long to hide from her. Her arms came around his neck, pulling him even closer to her and she felt the heat of his bare chest pressed against her even through the old, worn shirt. The fabric of that clothing could not keep them apart.

His arms were around her slim waist, and she felt so light, so small in his massive embrace; his arms around her pulled her even closer to him and yet it never felt enough. His imprintee seemed to feel his urge, his need, and she immediately reacted to the demand of his body; she interrupted their kiss only for the glimpse of a second and it was all she needed. Slowly, positioning her legs on either side of his hips, she settled herself down in his lap. Their lips sought for each other again, and when they met the heated movements of their lips was mirrored in their bodies' movements; their breaths faltered, feeling the wonderful, warm friction their movements created between their bodies.

Their kiss grew and grew, hotness now scrubbed at their sensitive flesh, their lips were no longer soft, nor were they shy; under his mouth her lips opened like a freshly blossomed rose, tasting each others' breath on their tongues. Her hands were in his wonderful, thick hair, gripping the strands almost with a brutal strength as she pulled his head back, offering her better access. Meanwhile, Jacob growled against her lips, his hands always eager to explore more of her soft, cool skin finally slipped under her overgrown shirt.

The woman in his arms shivered as his large hands on her back kept her moving and grinding against him, they both moaned into each others' mouth, rejoicing in the passion their little movements created. His fingers then drove her back up and down, his short nails intensifying the touch, making her shiver and moan against his lips, before his hands found the hem of her shirt and with one quick movement he shove it up. She eagerly followed his lead, lifting her arms, permitting him to release her from her fabric cage, and the disturbing item of clothing vanished into the darkness.

His eyes hold her intense gaze, she was breathing hard and for a moment something like fear flickered through her eyes, as if she was actually concerned he wouldn't be pleased by the sight of her body. He was swallowed hard before his look finally fell down and he drank in the sight of her young breast, moving up and down almost frantically in the rhythm of her heavy breathing. She was perfect, in every way; pale skin of soft satin forming deliciously small, wonderful curves, daring to fit so perfectly into his palms. She was a goddess, waiting to be blessed by his humble, sacred touch, and slowly he stretched out his hands, he was holding his breath as his fingertips gently brushed her sensitive skin.

She caught her breath as he lightly touched her breasts, as first he only caressed the sides of them, before his rough fingertips drove over the rest of her curves; her skin was unbelievably soft and receptive to his touch and he enjoyed the way she responded to him. In that moment, he did not think, he only felt, he slowly leant forward and pressed his lips against that skin; she shivered so violently under his mouth's touch that his hands had to grab her hips in order to keep her in place. He worked unbelievably calm and tender and his lips had soon covered every spot of those lovely curves; it was only in the precise moment when his lips enclosed one of her peaks that her hands grabbed his hair and pulled his face up to hers.

She pressed her lips with a force on his mouth, opened in surprise, that caught him off guard, but after a glimpse of second he eagerly responded to her passion. Their kiss was no longer soft, it was wild and desperate for more; their chests were now rubbing against each other and it only intensified the desperate need between them. For a moment then, their lips broke apart again as they allowed themselves to get lost in the feeling of each other for a moment, with closed eyes, their forehead pressed against each other as their breath hit their faces; they moved in unison, clinging to each other as the hot, prickling feeling between them grew on and on.

It was Renesmee who broke up this moment, for a second Jacob thought she was going to kiss him again – and the sheer thought of tasting those lips again made him growl deep in the back of his throat – but then she all of the sudden pushed him down to the bed. He was clearly more overwhelmed by surprise rather than by her strength, though he was shocked to realise how strong she really was, and stared up to her as he lay on the bed. She was still sitting on top of him, and she stared down on him with eyes so deep and yet so bright that they blinded him. There was a hunger in her eyes he had not known before; it was a different hunger, a hunger that had nothing to do with the thirst for blood.

The goddess sitting on his lower body met his eyes for only a moment before her look fell down and she drank in the sight of him; he was lying on the bed, his arms stretched up in mid-air as if he wasn't sure either to grab her or to give her full reign over him. His eyes watched her suspiciously as her hands slowly settled down on his broad chest and her eyes flickered up to meet his look for a second as his flesh shivered under her cool touch. Even from that distant his heart beat hummed in her ears, and it quickened with every inch of skin that her fingers covered. He shivered every time she touched him, his breath quickening in response; she liked the way he responded to her.

Her clever, fine fingers went on, always eager to explore more of his dark, russet skin; with her fingertips she traced the figures and lines the moonlight had painted on his skin and every time his breath hitched. She could feel his burning eyes on her as her fingers slowly sank lower and lower, she languidly drove her fingertips over his broad chest, then she headed lower, her fine nails caressing his sides and she could hear him hiss sharply as she gave just a little bit too much pressure on the ribs. The moonlight appeared to swallow her small smile but he had seen it nonetheless.

On and on went her fingers, passed now his waist and could not but appreciate the sight of his navel – but she wanted to taste it rather than just touching it – but she went on and her fingers went lower. She looked up, deliberately searching for his look as her fingers vanished inside the fabric of his shorts to not resurface again; she drank in the sight of his face – one moment he eyed her intensely, almost suspiciously, and then in the next moment, his eyes were shut tight, his head thrown back into the pillow.

Her fingers were cool against his hotness and though she only brushed ever so lightly he already shuddered and moaned beneath her; his reaction to her touch fascinated her, it made her hunger for more. She did not know what to do, but she was curious and she always knew how to trust her senses, she was a quick study. She gave him slow and soft strokes, eager to see the pleasure written all over his face; she had never known how to give pleasure and she was intoxicated by how good it really felt. Jacob growled deep in his throat, a sound that resembled much more the wolf inside him; his eyes opened wide and he stared at her, breathless, for a beat or two before his hands lunged for her, desiring to get a hold of her and to offer his own cup of pleasure.

Renesmee, however, was quicker than him, her hands left their working place and stopped him before he could have grabbed her; their hands struggled for a moment – who would yield to whom? – before he gave up; her lightly amused eyes met his look so full of desperate longing. Slowly she leant down then, and the more she lowered herself to him the more his arms lowered down to the bed. When she was finally close enough to him, their noses almost touching, each other's breath hitting their faces, she smiled at him, but it was not a smile to tease, it was warm and sincere and full of a love she had not yet the words to give sound to.

His eyes fluttered shut as she pressed her lips to his forehead, offering a kiss as light as a butterfly's touch; his hands, clenched to fists, still in her finger's grasp, started to shiver violently but eventually relaxed. She wandered on, her lips now pressing a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth, and though he knew he only would have to turn his head a little bit to side in order to melt his lips with hers together again he remained still.

Then she bended her head to the side, lower even, her lips now lightly pressed against his throat – his eyes popped open in shock and surprise, he swallowed hard, out of desire rather than out of fear, though he could not deny that feeling her lips (which was the only thing that covered her sharp teeth) on his throat made him nervous. But then all his thoughts and concerns were driven from his mind when her lips started to kiss his throat, every inch of his sensitive skin enjoying her mouth's work; it was only in the second that her lips opened, her tongue tasting his jumpy Adam's Apple, that he couldn't resist any longer.

Jacob growled deep in his throat, his hands, that had until now lain obediently still on the bed, suddenly lunged for her, his arms easily clasped her waist and with one single, swift movement he rolled them both around. Now it was him who looked down at her, him who was in control and she was the one to yield. Though she had been mildly surprised by his sudden action, her body had reaction ever so instinctively to him; subconsciously she opened her legs for him to sink between her thighs. Their eyes met in the darkness as his hips slowly pushed up against her, and she could feel him now and the desire in him for her that had grown on and on, oh yes, she could definitely feel it. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back onto the pillow as he moved against her again; the hot tightening feeling between her legs became even more urgent.

Now with her eyes closed she gave herself completely over to the rest of her senses; she smelled the air thick of his dark, wooden scent, tasted the sweetness his kiss had left on her lips, heard his heavy breathing, the quick nervous beating of his heart, and she felt, she felt everything. His hands, which had until now simply embraced her hips, started to explore her body of their own accord; while one hand still held her close to him, his other hand freely moved over every curve and spot it could reach. Again he brushed her breasts, smiling an unseen smile as he felt her arch into his touch; but there was so much more to see, so much more to feel.

His hand went lower and lower still, slowly passing her ribs, mirroring her movements of before; lips like scorching coals descended upon her throat, leaving nothing but burnt flesh where it tasted her skin. She swallowed hard and moaned silently as he left Love-Bites on her throat, marking her as his own, and she was only too willing to be claimed. Meanwhile his eager hand had long passed her navel, but it still headed south, lower and lower it went before it finally vanished inside knickers to not resurface again. Her hotness burnt his fingers and when he brushed her there for the first time she suddenly stiffened and her head jerked up; his hand stilled and he locked eyes with her.

She was out of breath and he could clearly read the confusion in her eyes, she was unsure what he was doing to her, unable to understand the feeling he inflamed in her, astounded and maybe frightened by this new, unfamiliar kind of hunger. She could see the slight concern in his eyes, the question flickering through his look if he might have hurt her. Renesmee swallowed hard as she hold his gaze; the feeling he had inflamed in her when he had touched her there had been so strong, so overwhelmingly sudden and scorching that it had bordered on pain, and yet it felt not like pain at all.

Her hands had gripped his arms, and for a second he thought she would push him off of her, simply too frightened by those new, deep, wild feelings, but then her grip on his arms loosened and she let herself fall back onto the back. Her eyes watched him suspiciously as she allowed him to touch her there between her thighs, down at the hot centre where all those wild, confusing, burning feelings seemed to come from. He did not smile when his hand sneaked back inside the fabric, maybe the intimacy of his touch or that she allowed him to claim her like this had wiped all those grins off his face.

When his fingers brushed over her hot centre again she did not stiffen this time, her eyes fell shut and she concentrated hard on the feelings he gave her; it was like being singed, so hot and yet so quickly gone, as if she had withdrawn her fingers too quickly from the burning source, too quickly to be able to actually feel a pain, but still her skin burnt in a shallowly way, remembering the contact of the flame perfectly well. Her hands which has loosened before tightened her grip on his arms again, but not in order to stop him, rather because she sought for something, anything to hold on as the feeling of his touch swept all over her body.

The tingling feeling had hardly vanished completely when he already brushed his fingertips against her hot centre again, now with a much more deliberate move as if he knew exactly what he was doing to her. This time she was able to let herself be claimed by this strange emotion, and though she was still unable to name this feeling, she could not deny any longer that it felt good. More than good, if she was perfectly honest, it felt amazing, breathtaking, overwhelming, it was _so_ good that she became addicted to it, consumed by the longing to feel it again.

Jacob, again, seemed to know perfectly well what to do; his fingers moved a little deeper into her knickers, brushing over her hot centre once more, and then suddenly her mind exploded. She was set afire, her skin burned, little flames of pleasure licked deliciously slow up her body and singed her thinking. Whatever thoughts or concerns she might have had they were immediately driven from her mind; pleasure was the only thing that existed, it taught her to breathe, taught her to arch against his clever fingers, it taught her body to sing in a melody she hadn't known existed.

Jacob watched her fall under the touch of his fingers; her head was thrown back, deeply buried into the pillow, eyes closed, forehead frowned, and she was making sounds so sweet, so deep that it made his breathing go heavy and his heart stop dead for a beat to two. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, trying to calm himself, but when he suddenly heard his own name tripping over her lips he felt that he was losing it. In this moment he wanted nothing more than to bring her pleasure, yet his wish was jeopardized by his own body's desire to feel pleasure.

Renesmee needed more than a moment to come down from her high to realise that his fingers had all of the sudden stilled and had been withdrawn from inside her kickers. She slowly opened her heavy lids and found him staring at her; the brown of his eyes had turned into the blackest night and she swallowed hard when she read the dark fire of his hunger for her that burnt in his gaze. Breathing became suddenly a most difficult business, and she found herself unable to even more under his intense look.

At first she wanted to ask him why he had stopped to do whatever he had been doing with his fingers, but she found herself unable to speak, either; then she felt his fingers on her skin again but this time at the hem of her knickers and took her only the glimpse of a second to understand what he wanted. His eyes were silently asking for her permission, and when she encouragingly lifted her hips a little so he could get better access he started to slowly pull down her knickers. For the whole time, she did not dare to shift her eyes away from his gaze while he pulled the fabric down her long legs, his fingertips brushing her skin like a butterfly's kiss and it left her in warm, pleasurable shivers.

He watched her intensely while he lifted each feet individually and finally pulled off the last item of clothing, leaving it to vanish into the semi-darkness of his room. His eyes didn't waver from her even for the slightest moment and she felt herself blush under his piercing look; yet his eyes on her now naked body did not exactly make her feel uncomfortable. She swallowed hard, forcing herself to hold his gaze as she waited for him. His look, which had been focused on her face until now, shifted away and slowly wandered down the length of her body as if he wanted to mesmerise every curve, every spot he hadn't been able to see before. Then he closed his eyes and he swallowed hard as if he fought against something inside him that was much stronger than himself; and when he opened his eyes again the hunger and desire that screamed out of his gaze at her slammed the air out of her lungs.

He crept back into the bed again, slowly crawling on top of her again and she instinctively opened her legs for him to sink between them as he sought for her lips again. His kiss was hard and wanting now, it tasted of a longing that frightened and aroused her alike, she could not get enough of it, she wanted...she wanted something more. Jacob must have felt the change in her, too, because he broke up the kiss in order to lock eyes with her, and whatever he read in her eyes she heard his heartbeat quicken in response. Both their hands went down to the only item of clothing left between them and with the slightest pull of their hands the fabric was torn to shreds; the last barrier between them finally gone.

He lowered his head to meet her lips again and now she could feel him, really feel _him_, the part of him that expressed his desire for her was hard and hot between her thighs, and to feel him there made her longing for him turn into desperation. He had set her afire and now she wanted to be burned down to ash and bone. She arched herself into his body's embrace, letting her womanhood deliberately brush his hard manhood; he growled deep in his throat and one of his large hands came down to still her hips, making her stop, allowing him to keep at least a shred of self-control.

His eyes were closed now again and he was breathing hard; he supported himself on his left arm, which was right next to her head, while his right hand kept her from moving against him again. She didn't know what he was waiting for, but the impatience was driving her mad; she raised her head, her lips brushing his cheeks, and chin, and his mouth in soft kisses, beckoning him to come to her. When her lips met his' he finally responded to her, he kissed her slowly, willing her to let her head fall back into the pillow again, and she followed his lead without thinking. He broke up the kiss again and lifted his head enough to be able to look down at her; his eyes softened and he swallowed hard again.

Then suddenly his right hand, which had been until now at her hips, left its place and slowly wandered down between her thighs again; impatience gripped her hard again when he brushed her softly, willing her to open her legs more and more for him, before he positioned himself right in front of her entrance. He locked eyes with her again and she held her breath, he appeared to be looking for something in her eyes and when he had found it, he finally came to her.

He pushed into her just as slow and gentle as possible, and at first her body thought of protesting against the sudden penetration, but instead she found herself welcoming it. There was a small, shallow memory of pain but she dismissed it almost immediately; her small arms came around his neck, keeping him close to her when he had buried himself completely inside her. For a moment, they both remained in entire silence and stillness, their breathing hard and flat, allowing them both to adjust to the new situation.

It was Renesmee who broke that moment; all of the sudden she started to move, hasty and inexperienced, her impatience and passion mirrored in her helpless movements, begging him to start to move with her, to move inside her. She whimpered when he finally answered to her demand; however, his movements deliberately slow, and it costed him all his willpower to keep up this gentle pace, hearing her whimper and beg wasn't making it any easier for him, but he knew he didn't want it to happen like this. He wanted to love her, love her completely, drown her into the love he felt for her, with every stroke, every push, every touch and every kiss; he didn't want it to happen like that brutal union they had shared in the woods, he wanted her to drown in pleasure before he pulled her up into the heavens with him.

Jacob murmured words of comfort, words of love while he moved inside her, slow and gentle this time, his movements steady and tender; he lowered his head and captured her lips again, his kiss just as soft and tender as his strokes. She sighed under his lips and when his right hand anchored in the hollow of her knee, hooking her leg around his hips, she suddenly broke off the kiss, deep moans erupting from her perfect lips. Her little fingers twisted in his thick hair, she needed something to hold onto, whatever he was doing to her it appeared to burn her from the inside out, slow, hot flames licking inside her body, burning every thought of reason she had ever had, making her feel only him.

Then she felt his lips on her throat, kisses like fire scorching her skin, his mouth wandering upwards until she heard him whisper into her ear, he urged her to move with him, told her how much he loved her and how happy he wanted to make her. She acted on pure instinct now when she wriggled both her legs around his hips, her arms locked around his neck; and then she started to move with him, easily picking up his pace, following his lead, moving in a rhythm nature had given every creature on this planet.

Jacob had allowed his head to fall in the crook of her neck, his eyes were shut tight and he was breathing hard while he tried to hold the pace, trying to keep his strokes and pushes soft and gentle; but whatever control he'd had, he was losing it now. His fingers, clenched to fists, were gripping the fabric of the pillow under her head so hard he could nearly hear himself tearing it to shreds. In that moment he felt like a single flame had been lit inside his body, but it spread, it grew on and on, increasing its heat, consuming soon every part of his thinking – pleasure had gripped him so hard it slammed the air out of his lungs.

Then suddenly he was distracted by two things and he wasn't sure which of them finally caused him stop moving; the first thing were images, blurred and yet so clear and sharp as daylight rushed through his mind, red and black colours blinded his eyes, screams echoed in his head, and he remembered a taste of sweet, wild blood on his tongue – it took him a few seconds to understand that these were not his memories. The second thing felt ultimately more real and closer, and at first he hadn't been able to hear it since the foreign memories that intruded his mind, blinded and deafened him for everything else that was going on around him, but then he heard it – someone was crying.

Shocked by this realisation he immediately stopped his movements and lifted his head to look down at Renesmee in his arms only to find her weeping silently, tears streaming down her face. She was biting her lips, her teeth sinking so deep into her lower lip that she drew blood and it made her cry even harder. Jacob swallowed hard and took her face into his hands, trying to bring her to look at him but she simply shook her head, unwilling to tell of the terrors and fears that shook her. For a moment panic gripped him so hard he could not breathe: had he hurt her?

"Nessie, am I hurting you?", the words had been so low and raw, drunken with his own fear and pain, he could stand the thought that he might be causing her pain. However, as soon as his words had left his mouth she stopped shaking her head in refusal and when she locked eyes with him he felt himself unable to ever look away again. The expression that stared at him out of her brown eyes, now darkened to a deep colour of black, was so raw, so fresh, so wild that he could hardly bear looking at her at all. Hunger. Hunger, a desire so pure, so desperate that it drove her mad, the thirst in her throat, giving her a pain that could not be soothed, reminding her of a taste she was not allowed to taste – it was making her go insane.

Jacob swallowed hard as he stared back into her desperate, black eyes, so full of a longing that it tore his heart apart. He had never been able to understand Bella's love for Edward, her urgent wish to give him everything he needed, even at the cost of her own safety, her desperate wish to break down every barrier between them, fusing life and death together into the love she felt for him. Now, as he was looking down at the woman he loved more than his life, the woman who _was_ his life, now, he understood. He understood, he felt with her, her pain was his pain, and in the same breath, her pleasure was his pleasure – and there was nothing he wouldn't do for her.

"It's okay, Nessie..." he whispered breathlessly but his voice broke at the end of his sentence, he caressed her cheeks, his eyes staring down into hers which widened in shock as she shook her head, unable to accept, to believe that he was really saying the truth. How could it be okay, how could it ever be okay? She closed her eyes again, continuing to shake her head like a little child that refused to listen to her parents trying to bring her to reason. He looked at her, his heart broke for her, he didn't know what to do; and in his helplessness he simply leant down and kissed her.

For a glimpse of a moment, her lips remained silent and still under his kiss, but then the fire was reborn between them, though the flame that set them afire now was of a completely different nature; desperation made of passion, love made of desire, a hunger made of love. They clung to each other as if letting go would mean certain death or pain; they were like children, alone and afraid in the darkness, seeking desperately for the light of hope and life each one represented for the other. Tears were still streaming down her face, but they both revealed in the taste of salt soiling the sweetness of their kiss.

When they started to move again there movements were not soft and gentle, but wild and rough, mirroring the desperation and hunger she felt and his longing to sate every hunger that pained her. Their breathing went hard and flat again, hardly providing the so much needed air, making them feel light-headed; her fingers gripped his hair so hard he was sure she tore out several thin strands of air, but he felt himself not caring about it. Everything he cared for now was the woman in his arms that breathed hard, sighed and moaned in pleasure, a pleasure he gave her as she cried his name like a whisper of deepest gratitude. Yet he knew of her pain, he could feel it so well as if it was his own pain, and every fibre in his body begged for him to stop her suffering.

Jacob broke off the kiss, brushing off her attempts to reclaim his lips; and there was a brief locking of their eyes before his own lips descended on her throat again, making her arch into his mouth's touch, and in the same breath leaving his own neck unprotected, a willing victim for her hunger to be taken. He wasn't exactly offering her his blood in this moment, he wasn't sure if he was even ready to make this sacrifice, unsure if he could accept that side of her; but he knew one thing, he would not deny her any more.

He knew that she understood his move because he felt her body stiffen in response to his unofficial offer, but only for a moment, and then, finally, did she accept what was given. Her lips touched his neck first, and she kissed him only with the lightest pressure, just like a butterfly's wing that accidentally brushed his skin in passing by. His eyes fell shut as he gave himself into her touch, his hips now moving instinctively and of their own accord, and her body moving with him, so perfect, in complete unison as if they were actually made for each other.

He heard himself moan when her sharp teeth finally pierced his skin, and he wasn't entirely sure if it was pain or pleasure now that had made him voice this sound; her arms gripped him hard, keeping him close to her as she fed on him, it felt strange, it didn't feel like the times she had drunk his blood as a child, and yet it felt exactly the same. He was protecting her, providing her with everything she needed, soothing her pain, bringing her the pleasure she so badly craved for, and his blood, was it not just another token of his love for her? He would not deny her, no more, there would be no more barriers to keep them apart, they were one, and as one they shared every pain and every pleasure, sealing their bond of love with the blood of their life.

He wasn't sure, then, after a few moments, whether she had stopped drinking now because her hunger was finally sated or whether a hunger of a completely different nature had taken hold of her now. As his movements quickened again, he sought for her mouth again, and now he could taste his own blood on her lips, sweet and yet salty, their kiss mirroring their wild movements. Her moans mixed up with his deep growls of pleasure, and they swallowed each others sound of passion down, letting it echo in their bodies. At this point, the need in their bodies screamed desperately, shouting for release, and with nothing to hold them any longer, they lost themselves into each other.

They clung to each other as they cried out in unison, lost and carried away by the most perfect pleasure one could possibly feel, making the feeling go even deeper as they experienced it together. Like a wave of hot lava it singed them, breaking through every fibre of their bodies. A flame that burned their skin, burning every thought away, that flame erupting from the intimate point of unison between their bodies, scorching their flesh as it burned its way through their whole bodies; it burned them down to ash and bone, until nothing was left to be consumed by the flames of their passion and yet they kept on burning.


	11. Chapter 11

**So, folks, this is the epilogue and that means the end of the story! Yes, it's done and it's over. ^^**

Please, please check out the sequel I'm writing for this story, it's called "The Maiden and the Immortal" and focuses on the relationship between Renesmee and Cillian (the vampire she left with) and what the two of them experienced and shared on their time away. It'll be uploaded asap.

As always, be nice and leave a comment. It'll make me so happy, just, when you read my fic, also leave a review. It would be so great. I'm a sucker for every word of appreaciation you send.

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><p><strong><span>Epilogue: A New Dawn has Broken<span>**

Grey veils of light were flooding the room, a little touch of pink coloured the walls, whispering of the coming dawn, the new sun that was about to be born, but still, no golden light hit the floor nor did it illuminate the room with its blinding shine. Instead the bed at the wall and its occupants were saturated in this grey light of early morning, the moment of twilight when day was within your grasp, though the feeling of night hadn't yet had completely worn off. It was the most peaceful time of day, when everyone was yet silent and still, and when no other sounds but the rhythm of quiet, steady breathing could be heard, whispers of the forest's children, no sound but the wind.

It were the last moments of night, yet day was still a distant stranger.

Jacob, however, had no eyes for the quiet beauty of dawn today, his eyes were completely captured by the sight of simple, perfect beauty that lay next to him. She was still fast asleep; she lay on her stomach, her long, bronze curls spread all over the pillow, the blanket barely reaching up her waist, and her face, there was no frowns of worry or concern now, no need crying desperately for satisfaction; utter peace radiated from her. It was truly a memorably beautiful sight.

He smiled as his hand reached out to pin one of her locks behind her ear, freeing more of her wonderful face to his eyes. The sigh of relief he had held back for most of the time he had been away released itself now in a long, deep stream of air; she must have sensed the air that brushed her skin, almost immediately she nudged her nose on the arm on which she rested her head, but apart from that she didn't wake up. His eyes softened upon that little gesture, she appeared as innocent as a child now to him, so full of peace and tranquillity, like a still island in a storm of chaos.

His eyes left her face once more and wandered down her body, he admired how the first rays of sun finally broke through the dirty, old window and painted fair figures and shapes into the bare skin of her back. Fascinated by this play of light one of his hands reached out to let his fingers trace the lines and forms the sun and its shadows had already prefigured. She moved instinctively into his touch, edging closer to him and he could not but smile about her reaction. He then leant forward and replaced his fingers' touch with his lips; he felt her shiver under his kiss and smiling he slowly let his lips travel up to her shoulder blades, before placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

When he leant back again he could see now that she was wide awake, looking straight at him, smiling weakly, her features still traced by a feeling of fatigue. Their eyes met and he swallowed hard as the full force of her look hit him; tenderness and affection were clear and bright written in her eyes, probably reflecting his own eyes' expression. Then suddenly she broke up their eye contact, her look fell down and in the warm, golden light of the new morning he could see her face blushing in the most beautiful reddish colour. She took a deep breath and swallowed hard in order to calm her senses, and through his bond of imprinting he felt for sure now that her thoughts, just like they had done it with him, had led her back to what had happened between them last night.

But Jacob could not look away, he was unable to remove his gaze from her as if an invisible force kept his eyes fixed upon her. When he saw how her lips trembled under her breathtaking he had to swallow hard again, memories flashed through his mind, memories of lips he had kissed, lips who had burnt him with eager passion. His look finally fell down, focusing now on her neck instead, little spots shone in a light, reddish fire and he remembered how he had brushed over that soft skin with his mouth, tasting a sweetness he had not known existed.

"Morning."

At the sound of her voice, shy and soft he looked up again only to find her staring at him; her big brown eyes looked at him with unveiled curiosity, and immediately his eyes softened. Her brown, innocent eyes watched him intensely, her lips formed into a warm, welcoming smile – in that moment, she looked like the girl again who had left him all those weeks ago and the thought made him respond to her with a smile of his own.

"Morning.", he leaned forward to emphasise his smile and greeting with a soft kiss, and, apparently, she did not disapprove of this idea at all. Originally, he had only planned on giving her a nice, little peck on the lips – so much to plans – but she soon enough wriggled her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He sighed under her heated mouth, however, just when she tried to open his lips in order to deepen the kiss, he promptly pushed back, and as he fell on his side of the bed again he, all of the sudden, felt strangely exhausted again, as if he'd just run a whole marathon.

After his breath calmed down a bit he turned his head to the side and looked at her, trying to make his expression appear at least a bit reproachful – but who could he fool? – but, instead, he rather felt his body respond to her the way his instincts told him. He could hardly hold back the feral growl that threatened to escape his throat as he watched her face decorated with that Cheshire-grin that made her look like the sexiest woman alive. He swallowed hard as he closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. Was it going to be like this for the rest of their days? (Somehow he couldn't really see the downside of lying in a cosy bed with a ravishingly sexy woman – nope, no downside.)

"How long have you been watching me sleep?", her question tore him out of his thoughts – and to his embarrassment, also out of his quite _vivid_ daydreams – and immediately his face turned towards her again. She eyed him with an expression of glee and delight, as if she knew exactly what he had been thinking about. As a response to her intense gaze he couldn't keep the grin off his face while he rolled over to her, supported himself on his left elbow, his cheek resting on his palm as he looked at her coquettishly.

"A while." he finally admitted, and immediately her eyes darted towards him, however, the expected shock did not appear on her face, and so he decided to go the whole embarrassing nine yards, "You talk a lot when you sleep."

At first, he kept his head down, not so much out of fear to get slapped – though, he definitely should be prepared for something like that – but rather because he wanted to savour the moment of finally seeing her shocked; it was usually so difficult to shock her, which, to be honest, made the rare moments he succeeded even more special. And indeed, when he looked up again, he saw that she stared at him with wide eyes, her face had gone pale before it all of the sudden turned bright red. She then closed her eyes and sighed heavily, moaning around like a wounded animal as she fell back onto sheets again, for a moment, apparently, considering to hide herself behind that pillow for the rest of her days. However, she reconsidered, and instead growled deep in her throat, a slight note of anger was noticeable at the edge of her voice.

"What did I say?"

"Well, you obviously seemed to have an argument with your Dad about not killing the _Dog_ – I take it, that being _me_? – for deflowering his daughter."

Upon his words he believed to have heard her giggle behind the pillow and indeed, when she finally peeped out from behind the pillow he could see her grinning broadly; her laughing was infectious, like a fire warming him up – it was now that he finally understood what Bella had always meant with "personal sun". She was his sun, his fire, a flame of constant warmth, eternal warmth, she was safety, she was home.

"Did I convince him?", her voice was small and curious but he could not miss the warm tone of amusement in her words. The question made a distant memory flash through his mind; he remembered her sleepy face, widened in a girlish grin while she laughed about her father's imagined threat to kill her boyfriend – strangely enough, _he_ hadn't been able to laugh about that. Jacob tore himself out of his memory and met her eyes, swallowing hard.

"Hm, I think tearing me to shreds still sounds like a very intriguing idea to him.", he gave his answer a slightly concerned tone as he tilted his head from one side to the other, trying to appear seriously frightened, but he had never been good at feigning fear. Renesmee eyed him suspiciously before she broke in a warm and loud laughter that made the whole bed shake under the weight of their happiness. For a moment he shared her laughter but then after a few moments the smile on his face wavered; the happiness that had radiated from her before seemed to have vanished as quickly as a cloud shielding him from the warmth of the sun. Her expression was thoughtful now and he did not need to think hard in order to know what was concerning her.

"Do you miss them?"

Renesmee did not look up to him when she heard his question, she only smiled weakly, her eyes fixed upon a spot far beyond his eyesight. Jacob knew that she was thinking about her family, about her parents she hadn't seen for so long; regret and shame, longing determined her body language. She swallowed hard, the smile now completely washed off her face, she wetted her lips before she spoke again; her words chosen purposefully, thoughtfully.

"I visited them after I left him, but I didn't stay. I couldn't bear that they were so _understanding_.", she frowned at the word, emphasised it as if the taste of the syllable was unknown to her tongue, "They said that it was natural, that they would understand me. But I didn't want them to understand, or to forgive me. I wanted them to shout at me, to tell me that I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster."

Her head shot up upon his remark – he was just so used to telling her that she wasn't what she believed herself to be, the words had left his mouth before he could've stopped them; he wouldn't have stopped himself from saying them anyway; it was the truth and she needed to know it, needed to understand it. Her eyes found his brown orbs and then they simply stared at each other; he sensed that she was trying to read his look, subconsciously searching for the lie in his eyes she wouldn't find.

Then suddenly she sat up, the blanket securely – intentionally – wrapped around her body, covering that angelic skin he had felt, and tasted, only hours ago. Her bronze hair fell over her shoulders like a wild waterfall, cascading down her front, framing her beautiful face; and with the rays of the sun lightening in her back, she looked much more like the angel she truly was to him. Jacob could hardly bear the beauty of that scenery, and her intense look only kept him from closing his eyes to a beauty so pure and innocent he felt unworthy of looking at it alone.

"Last night, you did not back away. When I asked _that_ from you, you didn't refuse. Why?", her words tore him out of fascinated trance – out of his thoughts filled with daydreams about her unique, breathtaking beauty – and he swallowed hard. The way she was looking at him, with those brown eyes which saw so much more, which look went so much deeper, gazing deep down into the depths of his very soul. He could not bring himself to break eye contact, she held a power over him he could not explain; though he knew he was a veritable captive in a prison of his own making. Upon her question a thousand possible answers rushed through his mind, thousands of possible, reasonable explanations, but in the end he settled on the simplest truth, and yet his words echoed the depths of his love for her.

"You needed it.", he was surprised by how thick and hoarse his own voice sounded, and he swallowed hard, keeping his eyes fixed on her as he watched her react to his revelation. Her brown eyes blinked multiple times, confusion and a slight note of shame and embarrassment made her blush heavily. She looked away, staring down at her hands as she breathed heavily, myriads of thoughts crossing her mind; several moments passed them in silence and when she met his eyes again she spoke in voice far too shy and hesitant for her character.

"Is that how imprinting works?"

Jacob stared at her, nonplussed, he definitely hadn't expected that question to come up; he, however, did not back out, he held her gaze, trying to read her intention behind that question. She knew that he loved her, he had told her so many times, not necessarily through real confessions, but actions spoke louder than words, and even apparently casual, simple lines could sometimes carry greater romantic meanings than the usual _Three Words_. She _knew_ it, though whether she really _believed_ it or _understood_ it, that was a completely different question.

"No, that's how love works."

Jacob smiled at her as he uttered those words, watching as her eyes grew wide before her look fell down again, though she instantly started to smile lightly about his statement, knowing full well what it meant. His eyes softened upon her shy, innocent smile; and how could he not love her? He reached out his arm, his hand touching her cheek with the lightest of pressures, caressing it with a tenderness he hadn't known he was capable of. Renesmee automatically gave into his touch, closing her eyes for the merest of moments, sighing contently before she opened her eyes again, looking at him with a gaze so intense he had to swallow hard.

She then slowly leant forward, her light weight hardly noticeable above him as she softly pressed her lips on his mouth; it was the sweetest of all kisses, tender and soft, sensual in non-sexual way. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her fragile shape, keeping her close to him as he deepened their kiss, opening her lips to him while he slowly rolled them around, burying her under him, surrounding her in the warmest, softest, safest embraces of all. She sighed into his mouth, meeting his tongue and sparks flew; sensuality electrified their bodies, sharpened their senses.

However, before they could have followed the same path they had just trod the very last night, she broke up the kiss, catching her breath, her eyes still closed. Jacob rested his head on her slowly rising and falling chest, his breathing automatically adjusting to her breathing as he listened to the steady beat of her heart. He felt her fingers caressing his hair and, with eyes closed, he drowned in the little sensations she gave him through this small gesture of love and tenderness.

"I am hungry."

The words had been spoken absently, almost as if she hadn't been aware she had spoken them out loud; Jacob's body, however, stiffened in response to those words, his eyes sprang open and widened in shock. In the way she had said those words there was not doubt that she hadn't spoken of satisfying her hunger with vegetables and sweet cornflakes. For a moment, it seemed, she wasn't aware of his reaction but then he felt her breathing speeding up; she was obviously waiting for his response to her statement. Would he be shocked, disgusted, understanding?

Jacob took a deep breath, trying to remain his poker-face; he knew what she was after all and he would never back away from that part of her again. He slowly moved above her in order to get up, ready to let her go, ready to accept that part of her. However, her arms suddenly closed even tighter around him, refusing to let go of him, and for a moment his own confusion clouded his insight into her feelings.

"No. I want you to come with me. When I was young you've always been with me on the hunt. Come with me."

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><p>The sun was already at its zenith when they finished their hunt; they had settled on a single, big bear which had strayed through the woods and randomly crossed their path. Jacob had phased into his wolf form whereas Renesmee put all her trust into her Vampire senses and reflexes; the bear had been no match for them, however, they hadn't played with their food either, they had killed it quick, sparing it pain. Together they had chased it through the woods, cornering it on a clearing before Renesmee had thrown herself upon the bear, breaking its neck with the quick, fluid movements of a trained predator.<p>

They had together, too, fed upon the bear; while Renesmee had almost completely drained its body off the blood she so desired to drink, Jacob had devoured large parts of the animal's flesh; each others' presence hadn't disturbed them, they had satisfied their hunger and eaten side by side. As soon as his immediate hunger was sated, Jacob phased back into his human form; he was about to put on some clothes when he was surprised by a sudden sound somewhere behind him. He instantly turned around only to find Renesmee, still standing beside the bear's dead body, staring at him with those large brown eyes.

She only stood there, beautiful as a nature goddess she was; her bronze hair was wild and untamed, cascading down her shoulders in soft curls, framing her face as if to emphasise that fair centre even more, there were still traces of blood running down her lips, and some droplets of the red liquid had soiled the white of her, now, torn-apart vest and shorts. The rays of sun broke through the crowns of the trees and drowned her in a fountain of light, and he realised before this moment he had never known true beauty.

Jacob had to swallow hard, her beauty was too raw, too overwhelming and he could hardly bare to look at her, he felt unworthy of her; yet not even the wild and brutal signs of blood could scare him any more. No, he was no longer terrified by what he was, it rather amazed him; he felt like he was the only one knowing that behind this beautiful, innocent face crouched the elegant, skilled strength of an experienced predator, a perfect hunter.

It was, perhaps, that sense of wildness that surrounded her which fascinated him so much, maybe it was this atmosphere of untamed freedom that radiated from her which made her so beautiful to him. He knew now, there was nothing wrong with the way she was, he did not seek to deny what she was any more, that other part of her needn't to be captivated and locked up, it needn't to be repressed; her being at peace with the beast inside her, the blissful joy of the freedom to just be who she was, that's what made her so beautiful to him.

In this moment, this moment as he looked at her, the world around them seemed to shrink down and melt away, and he could only see her. She approached slowly, almost hesitantly as if she, too, was surprised by the sudden realisation that the beast inside her was no longer to be feared or hated; she did not seem to notice – or maybe she did, and she simply didn't care – that he was standing there, stark naked. He waited for her to come closer, he didn't move at all, he didn't want to scare her off with any sudden movements and so he stood perfectly still, waiting for her.

Her deep brown eyes didn't waver from him for even the slightest glimpse of a moment, the intensity with which she stared at him made his heart stop for a beat or two and he hardly dared to breathe out of fear to ruin this moment. Silence except for the natural sounds of the forest surrounded them, the golden rays of the sun like a blanket of light covering them; it was a truly magical moment. When she had finally closed the distance between them he looked into her face, he could barely read all the myriads of emotions that were flashing through her eyes; curiosity, need, affection, gratitude, love and above else hunger. However, in the way her breath hit his face in fast, hot blows he knew full well that this hunger would not even be satisfied by the most delicious sample of blood.

Then, all of the sudden, faster than he could react or even realise her move, she stood herself on her toes and pressed her lips on his mouth, opened initially in surprise and now receiving every bit of emotion she had to give. She kissed him slowly and with a deep passion, as if she wanted this moment to last, savouring every second of it, as if the kiss was the essence of their time together. As soon as he had recovered from his first second of shock he responded eagerly to the lovely movements of her lips; as his tongue sought to meet hers he could taste the flavour of blood in his mouth and he found, to his own surprise, that it no longer repulsed him.

"If you're a monster, then I am a monster, too." he whispered with closed eyes when he'd broken away from her lips, both their breathings going hard and flat, and he had barely noticed how hard and tight he had hold her in her arms, she, however, did not seem to object. On the contrary, she came even closer, their noses only millimetres apart now and he opened his eyes to meet her look, in order to see how she would respond to this statement of his deep, enduring love.

"No." she whispered, the most beautiful of all smiles on her perfect lips as she closed the distance between them again and kissed him softly, "I wouldn't want you to be a monster."


End file.
